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((HUGS)) Maybe he's trying to throw you off because he knows that's what you want? Or maybe he's saving for something better than you imagine? I would of course like an engagement ring as well for christmas, but i seriously doubt that's going to happen and I am taking it as EEEE it's christmas time!! i get to look at the tree lol!!! i love christmas. seriously, it will happen. if you truly believe that he is the person that's meant for you, just chillax!! enjoy what may be your last christmas as a single woman without the stresses of planning a wedding or anticipating an engagement. that's what i plan on doing.
He'll do it when the time is right. There is always a reason why he hasn't done it yet! And, IMO, the guy usually has a good reason for holding out and making us all go crazy! Maybe he wants to keep your future engagement separate from Christmas! Don't let it ruin Christmas
Lolaj just relax! I was the same way with BF. Every time he would ask what I wanted for Christmas I would say you know what I want or just look at him sad with a smile...and he would tell me to stop because it wasn't happening until later on. But if you read my post from yesterday you would have learned that I pretty much ruined it. He WAS planning on proposing before Christmas! He was just doing it to throw me off. Just sit back and relax and find something you do want for Christmas besides a ring...I asked for a rain jacket.
It's so hard to stay focused on everything else except that.
Maybe i should start going to the gym more.....
I agree with Crebre! He may be trying to throw you off! No you are not wasting time, you are just going through the "waiting blues" and we all have been there! TRUST ME! But it will all work out and he will propose!
When we were dating, my FI told me just before every. single. big. event. not to get my hopes up. He told me before my birthday, before our anniversary trip, before a trip to the beach ... I know he was just trying to save me from hurt feelings and diappointment by being honest, but it still sucked hard. So I totally know what you're going through.
Take a deep breath, be thankful for the great person you have in your life and try not to let it ruin your birthday or the holiday. Come here to vent, don't take it out on him as he's probably saving and trying his hardest to make you happy.
OHHHH i think that's awesome, or make him a beautiful chicken dinner ;)..... i definitely say go to the gym get insanely svelte then make him a great chicken dinner in an apron.... and heels... a la samantha from Sex in the City...
The gym is an excellent place to let out frustrations and recenter! The moments before a proposal are *so* hard.
Hey sweetie, a few things...
I understand wanting it so much that you feel downright devestated every time it doesn't happen, but I learned it is really important not to be so focused on the ring that you lose track of the here and now. Someday you are going to look back on the days and weeks leading up to the proposal and you have the opportunity right now to make sure that when you look back on these days they are happy ones!
It's possible he's trying to throw you off the scent of a proposal so you don't see it coming, and it's possible that he just wants your proposal to be special in and of itself-- not overshaddowed by a birthday or holiday celebration. This is as much HIS moment as yours! Let him have it.
You have the man you love... the rest will fall into place!
((hugs))
Aww. I totally understand where you are coming from. I want my engagement to happen so badly, that sometimes I almost feel like crying and start doubting it ever will.
The thing is, if he has talked about marriage and your future freely... you're fine. We're all scared of things, and marriage is definitely a huge step. Guys are weird. A lot of them, surprisingly, hold out either because they feel they can't "provide" for us or have some sort of self-doubt like that. It's usually not the girlfriend's fault.
But with that being said, I absolutely know if I cry TO my BF about not being engaged, he is 1.) going to feel pressured or 2.) I may be on to him, so he's going to reschedule for some unknown period of time. They want it to be a surprise, and it's retarded but that's HIS thing. It is absolutely a constant challenge for me to take each day as it is... but you know, I've really begun to see how he's a great support. And a great friend.
So relax. You have a wonderful man, and if he knows how important it is to you... which they DO remember, it will happen. Enjoy this, because like with most things, you'll kick yourself for stressing during this time for no reason. :)
Sometimes i step out of myself and say I am being so silly I should just stop stressing it.
It's so hard though....
Ever since i took the Christmas challenge I have not uttered a word to him about it he has been the one to bring it up so in the car I found myself saying, dont cry, dont cry, dont cry.
Thanks for the advice ladies!!!
I think even if he is getting you an e-ring for christmas/your birthday, he wouldn't tell you so just remember, he's probably trying to get you confused and catch you off guard! You'll get through this and it will all be worth it when he finally does propose, I promise!! I did the same thing, it was horrible but man, am I glad he tricked me bc the surprise is half the fun!
Aww!! Girl, I feel ya! I remember we drove to a wedding a few months ago and I just started sobbing in the car for no reason... just thinking how sad it was! My poor BF.
I still get this way now from time to time because he used to talk about engagement and marriage all.the.time. and now it's referred to every couple of weeks. I do not mention anything. I don't want to get my hopes up.
OMG taco! I've totally done something like that before, the crying in the car thing. I'll get irrationally mad at him for NO discernable reason.
I don't want you to get your hopes up, so I'm not going to tell you "Oh he'll do it anyway!" but think of it this way, if he doesn't do it at Christmas, it's okay. You know why? Because SO many people get engaged at Christmas! I'm sure many of your friends will, and you won't have to share the spotlight with them! You'll get attention all of your own when he proposes later!
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Honey, I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. FI promised me in January two years ago, that by Christmas we'd be engaged. Well, December came and went and no sign of a ring anywhere. It was SO hard to not be disappointed and I had to totally retrain my thinking. I went through months of this roller coaster of feeling like he'd never propose and fell into the 'he doesn't want to marry me trap'. It's so hard not to do - but you really need to focus on your relationship - or else you will drive yourself (and your BF) crazy. I had to wait almost another year until he proposed - and you know what's odd? All those awful 'waiting' feelings are as if they never happened. It's like the ring erased their memory and I often wonder what I was so worried about. The best advice I can give you is to stop anticipating when it will happen. I know that's SO hard to do - but it only breeds disappointment. I know it's hard - and it's so different for everyone - so you just have to find your 'happy place' when you start thinking those things. You will get through this!!
Everyone's situation is different, that's why I'm going to recommend that if you feel really uncomfortable not knowing when it's going to happen consider giving him an ultimatum. I absolutely could not stand the roller coaster of emotions: Is it going to be my birthday? What about the weekend after? What about the weekend after? Happy, Sad, Frustrated, Mad all the time not knowing if/when it was going to happen. So I finally sat him down and told him my timeline and was very happy to hear he agreed with me. I would still check in with him every once in a while "Do you still agree with our timeline?" Just to remind him that I was serious.
KMSull- Oh GOD! Let's hope none of my friends get married, engaged or pregnant by the end of the year. LOL
I agree with some of the other Bees, he might have said that to throw you off..maybe he thought you were expecting it. Before my BF gave me my lavalier (necklace that is equivalent to a promise ring in the fraternity/sorority system) he told me that he would give it to me when I least expected it..so naturally I got bummed out because his Founders Day semi formal was coming up and I thought that would be the perfect time because I was going to be graduating soon and I wanted the opportunity to share the good news with my sorority sisters by doing a candlelight ceremony.
Long story short, he gave me the necklace while I was getting dressed up for the semi formal, conviently after I had just finished my makeup so I cried it all off lol. Point is is that I was expecting it on semi formal day, but since he had said he was waiting for a date that I wouldnt expect, I no longer was expecting it that day..he tricked me good! Maybe that is what your BF is doing...who knows.. lots of luck to you!
Sounds like your BF is trying to throw you off. It wants to surprise you and if he tells you about it now; no surprise. Remain positive and be patient.
That's what my FI said and we got engaged last Christmas Eve! Don't trust him!! :)
((HUGS)) lola - he may be throwing you off! My BF asked me what I wanted... he didn't say he wasn't going to get it, but asked what else I wanted. I don't know what that means, so I said some PJs and slippers. (And a ring of course.) Keep hoping and keeping up the Christmas Challenge!
kmsull HAHAHA that was perfect!
And a very good point!! Hmm....maybe I don't want a Christmas engagement after all! 
i specifically told my boyfriend that i DON'T want to be engaged on any holiday or day of significance (including my birthday). i want it to be a special surprise day that means something to us and not the rest of the world, plus i feel that it's impersonal if i get engaged on a holiday, especially christmas. maybe this is how your boyfriend feels too?
the wait is driving me mad too, but hang in there it'll happen!
awww lolaj - hang in there!! i'm sending big hugs my way. i was in your spot about a week ago! i know it's hard, but be strong! i find that when i'm having issues or feeling bad about the whole not being engaged thing, i immediately find a girlfriend in the same boat and we commisserate! also if you do break down in front of your BF, then maybe try to qualify it as being all you, and reassure him that you know he's the one for you but it's a difficult time for you. hopefully he'll be understanding!
I agree with the other girls, sit tight. Men feel like the only part of the engagement that they get to control is when they do it. I have no doubt he wants to surprise you and won't let on when he is going to propose so just relax.
OK, let me tell you I know EXACTLY how you feel. A very short time ago, I felt the same way. I would cry a lot.. and wonder when? and why not now? I hoped for an e-ring for Valentine's day of this year.. but I didn't get it... I was NOT happy. So when he asked me what I wanted for my b-day, I told him almost verbatim the exact thing you told your BF about Christmas. His response to me was almost the same thing. That he didn't believe in proposing on a holiday, that they should be seperate events and that I wasn't getting that for my b-day. I told him then I didn't want anything... I was practically a crazy woman by that point lol. (I am sooo not good at waiting for things). In retrospect, I regret mentioning it so much and acting like a total bee**** because it turns out, he DID get me a ring after all. He asked me the night before my b-day. But here's the thing, in some ways I feel like I sort of took the magic out of the proposal, for the both of us. I know he loves me, and I knew he loved me even before he proposed, but I, like yourself, was just so FOCUSED on that I could barely stand it. Anyways, TAKE IT FROM ME, you WILL think back on it and wonder why you couldn't have just remained calm and waited that extra few days/weeks/months (years would be pushing it lol) until he would have proposed on his own timeframe.
"I feel like I am screaming inside but he doesnt hear me.
Am I wasting my time, I need some renforcement."
I like this by the way. This WAS me just a few months ago. Hang in there!
It's hard to wait, but I agree with everyone else that the best thing you can do for yourself and for him is to zip the lips.
Think about how you would feel in his position. He's about to ask you to spend the rest of your life with him and wants it to be special and meaningful. Most of what he's hearing from you, regardless of what you may feel, though, is that he's doing it wrong. Even worse, he may be getting the impression that you care a lot more about the ring, the wedding and keeping up with your friends than you do about him or your relationship.
Remember that this situation involves both of you. The proposal isn't just about your feelings - it's about his, too. He deserves to feel like the most wonderful man ever when he pops that question - and that's a lot harder to do when the imessage he gets from you is that you wish he'd just hurry up already. That it's more important that you get the ring as soon as possible than it is that he be allowed to ask this most significant question he'll ever ask in way that makes him proud.
I really do feel that it will happen for you. Like many of the other ladies have already said...this is the one thing that he gets to control...the engagement. Trust me I can sympathize with you soo much! Remember we got to tell ourselves that they love us and when the time is right it will happen. You just got to keep yourself occupied.
hugs! i KNOW how disappointing that can be, as I've totally been there. BIG HUGS!
I have a question, and I mean no offense to ANYONE on this board. But for you waiting bees... does it really help when people say "maybe he's trying to throw you off" or "maybe he already has something planned" etc. etc? I mean, yeah, maybe that's true, but it just seems like that kind of thinking is setting us up for an even bigger disappointment. I dont' know. And again, I mean no offense.
@ teaadntoast - I completely agree with you when you point out
"Even worse, he may be getting the impression that you care a lot more about the ring, the wedding and keeping up with your friends than you do about him or your relationship."
If I were a guy and my fiance was bugging me and bugging for a ring I would just feel like all she wanted was a nice piece of jewelery to show off...and that the ring was taking precedence over what a proposal actually means in the long term (a marriage forever)
I also really believe that it is just a bad way to start off an engagement and preparation for marriage if the proposal happened because the guy was bombarded with negativity, pressure, ultimatums, etc. I'm sure you don't want him to propose to you because you made him feel like he had to at a particular time.
I'm not attacking you or anything - I completely respect that you are excited to get married - I just think that you should think about how you're making him feel and how the way you're handling this situation could potentially (negatively) affect your relationship down the road.
Good luck! I really hope everything works out in its own time.
Get your butt to the gym! I want it to happen at Christmas too. I have EVERYONE asking me if I am getting something shiny for Christmas. I don't want to think about it at all so I packed the next 2 months with things to do and I am working out twice a day. It's really helping! Otherwise I would be going crazy!
To be honest i wouldnt want to be engaged on Christmas day. Christmas day is about the family and i would want to have my own special day.. our engagement day. Cheer up i think he wants to make it special.
I too would never want to get engaged on Christmas day. A proposal is such a big deal, that it should be it's own day and it's own celebration, not lumped in with one that everyone else is celebrating too. Plus, a lawyer friend of mine once told me that if a man proposes on Christmas or a birthday, and the couple ever gets divorced, the man can legally ask for the ring back, OR the amount of $ the ring cost...not that any of us are thinking like that...but isn't that crazy? So there are many reasons your guy might be telling you it's not happening. So think of something else you'd like as a gift!
Wait and see if he was just trying to throw you off with the surprise at your birthday or Christmas and if not...get another boyfriend! IMHO too many women being perpetual girlfriends these days. No offense to anyone...just old fashioned mom here. :-)
If you really feel like he's not sensitive to how you are feeling, talk to him about a timeline, something along the lines of "honey, I'm not telling you when to do anything, but I'd like to be married by _____ and I know I'll need at least ______ to plan any sort of wedding. I love you and want you to know how I feel" and see how he responds.
My boyfriend loves to try and throw me off because I usually guess right on presents and things like that. So maybe he is trying to do that and actually give you a surprise. Also, Don't pressure the guy!! The more pressure he feels the less he's going to want to propose and feel good about it. Let things flow naturally. Believe me I was like you asking and when is my ring coming etc., but later in a heated argument I found out that he wanted to save more than I thought so he could afford the ring of my dreams even though I've told him that I would love any ring no matter what shape, size color, real or fake ha SO BREATHE and Relax and HUGGS. Hope that helps a bit.
Talking about crying when opening presents???? For my 30th Bday in July I got a locket... It was square and HUGE...What am i like 5 years old???... I swear I wanted to DIE... I LOOKED LIKE FLAVOR FLAV..LOL. I can laugh about how ugly it is now because it has been 5 months... oh and i only wore it on my birthday for him... i will never wear that thing ever again.
Ohhh and literally 5 minutes after I got that disgusting locket my best friend called me to tell me she got engaged... At that moment I cried.
Then in october... my b/f asked what I wanted for our FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY.... he suggested a shopping spree -- which he always does as he sucks at picking out gifts-- as u can see. I told him that idea is just not going to work for me at this point anymore... hinting at a RING. I got a bracelet-- it was actually very nice... the jewlery is getting closer to the hand ..but still no ring!!!
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Hello to all my bees,
This morning my BF drove me to work and we started talking about Christmas presents. He asked me what I wanted and I told him he knows that I want an engagement ring.
He proceeds to tell me that its not happening for Christmas or my birthday which is three days before Christmas.
So, I said I dont want anything if its not an engagement ring.
Ladies, I am SO sad and disappointed I really thought it might be this December. I feel like crying, I can just picture it opening presents on Christmas morning to find no ring and start crying....
I feel like I am screaming inside but he doesnt hear me.
Am I wasting my time, I need some renforcement.
Please help me...... :(