Post # 1
My wedding is in seven months and I have it the mid-term doldrums. I have a lot of the wedding planned already. I have the church, venue, dress, planner, DJ, photographer/light person and will have a caterer in a week or two (waiting to see if the furlough will happen before signing). I had the engagement party and thank goodness my dad taped some of it or we wouldn’t have anything at all.
What has me sad and bummed out is that I kinda want people to make a big deal about me but no one is. What started it off my depressing and selfish mood was that my MOH was going to fly from LA to NY for wedding dress shopping. Well I found my dress at Curvygirls in Virginia ( go there) so the trip was going to be a shopping trip -just two girls plus my cousin, a bridesmaid that lives in NY, hanging in the city, shopping and eating. Well she invited a friend. She was like, “I promised her that we would go to NY before her wedding (9/10/11) so I invited her, is that ok?” I like her friend but really wanted some time alone. My MOH was flying out Thursday and my cousin wouldn’t be available until Saturday late afternoon so we were supposed to have two days together. The trip was originally supposed to be a bridesmaid shopping trip, but the other girls couldn’t afford it. I knew what was going to happen so I invited my brother and fiancé to come so I would have someone to talk to.
I was the third wheel. I was the afterthought for all the pictures. I kept mentioning shopping on Saturday but no one noticed. Saturday rolls around and we all get a late start to the day. We had a fab lunch and strolled throughout Central Park to the Met. I had to go meet my fiancé’s new business party but we all agreed to meet at Macy’s for some shopping. I called but nothing – I texted them that I was at Macy’s and waiting for them and wanted to know where dinner was. Well, they were eating dinner already. Really?!
Later that night the girls had problems with their rooms. I suggested going out for drinks but she wanted to stay close to her hotel. My hotel was literally around the block. Our hotels shared a back wall. The only reason I didn’t stay with them is that I couldn’t afford the rooms over there. My MOH complained about the fact that my brother (she speaks to my brother and fiancé independent of me) wasn’t going to go out Friday night to say hi but she refused to come out on our last night.
I got up at 4:40 am in order to see them off, because I knew she wouldn’t think to come see me and watching her and her friend climb in the cab just made me depressed. I hated being jealous of them. I just thought that everything would be different. I thought we would split the trip. I was just an add on. I really don’t think either of them would have missed me if I wasn’t there. I actually feel like I wasted my leave. I should have stayed home and saved tons of money and 12 hours of leave.
I usually don’t like when people make a fuss over me. I am being a very accommodating bride. My bridal party has been dressing themselves for years and looks great so they are picking their own dress (I am picking the color and getting a consensus on the brand); I am not demanding the same shoes, hair or make-up. I am trying to see if I can pay for all the girls make-up and possible their dresses. I am planning the bachelorette party and will probably pay for the hotel room/s because I know how much being in a wedding cost and that the pressure of planning a bach is very stressful.
I know that no one cares about my wedding as much as I do, and thank goodness because that would probably be weird. I just wished that someone thought to make a wedding shopping trip about me and my wedding.
Post # 3
Don’t worry. They are either married and done w/wedding stuff and want to get on with life; or, they are single and don’t like when the topic of conversation is always ‘about the wedding.’ It can get pretty boring. That’s why this site is so great. We can talk w/each other and go on and on about ribbon, bows, this/that, colors, and people hear listen. As for the distance, if they are single, they probably wanted to prowl around the city and you would have held them down. it’s all about the catch, you know.
Find one or two friends who really are happy for you; and share with them.
Don’t take it seriously.
Post # 4
It really stinks to feel so let down by your friend. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional, but it seems like they were there to experience the excitement of NYC instead of the original purpose of the trip. It’s tough not to feel bad when something doesn’t live up to the expectation. Hope you feel better and keep sharing here. There are a lot of us who have found bride friends to share in wedding excitement 🙂 * hugs *
Post # 5
It sucks when friends pull stuff like that. I totally agree.
But, it wasn’t really a wedding related trip, afterall your invited your brother and FI as well, so I just don’t think that you are justified in feeling like you should have been the center of attention. You can’t really play the “accomodating bride” card at completely unrelated events – it just doesn’t make sense.
Post # 6
Im sorry your feeling down, but i really dont think they intentionally made you feel that way!! Its your wedding soon!! This should be a fun time dont let this keep you down!
Post # 7
Miss Lilac – I only invited my brother after my MOH invited her friend. All of our conversations became centered around all of the touristy things we would be doing since her friend had neer been to NY. The original purpose of the trip was wedding dresses, once I had my dress the purpose became for her to try on MOH dresses and to get wedding shoes and clothes…that is until she invited her friend. That is when the “let’s play tourist” came into play.
The sad thing was she never brought up the wedding. Her friend was the one to aske me questions. Heck. her friend was the one who asked to see my ring!
Post # 8
So sorry. I feel very alone in all the wedding-ness too…and it sucks when friends don’t give us the support we expect…or family doesn’t give us the support we expect, for that matter. I’m just resigned to the fact that I’m planning the whole bloody thing myself (FI is a doing a small bit but the MAJOR things are falling on my shoulders), and have no family, no friends, no one to help me. I’m not even having a bridal shower thrown for me. So, yeah, I feel pretty crappy too.
I also think all the stress we have to deal with planning the wedding just makes everything worse than it would be if we didn’t have to deal with all this. 🙁
Post # 9
People will get excited/make a fuss again as it gets closer to your wedding, I promise! It’s in the middle where nobody’s really thinking about it yet since they aren’t the ones actively planning like you are.
Post # 10
Angelique: How do you know you’re not having a shower? sometimes they are a surprise! Get back to us if you do have one.
To address the original concern again, the MOH can buy her ‘wedding gear’ anywhere and I think the focus of the trip was NYC and hanging out. It’s alot of money to go to NYC and you don’t want to over burden your bridesmaids with spending money for transporation, lodging and food; all out of their pocket; just for you.
Unless you are having more girls in the wedding; and, unless you are waiting for your MOH to buy her stuff so others have a direction, I’d let it ride. Don’t bug her. Maybe she’s waiting because she wants to shed a few more pounds. She’s not going to want to look stupid the day of the wedding; she’s going to want to look her best; and secretly want to upstage you. She’s most likely insecure and wants to make sure she looks great. She is not going to wear anything that doesn’t flatter her. if it’s not important to know her dress style, don’t ask. 6 weeks before casually ask her the color of her dress so you can coordinate the flowers.
Have you sent her a note thanking her for being your MOH? Maybe she wants a little limelight here.
Best of luck,