- 7 years ago
I didn’t think it would happen to me. I thought I chose wisely. Unfortunately I am heading straight into the infamous unwanted bridesmaid drama. *good grief*
The 5 bridesmaids I picked to be a part of my day are a combination of cousins, and friends of at least 7 years. These are all girls who have laughed, cried, and shared in almost every important saga of my life as well as watching the FI and I grow into an amazing couple.
I probably should have seen the red lights a while ago but chose to be blissfully ignorant. It started when I told bridesmaid (A lets call her) that my then boyfriend popped the question on Christmas Eve and he was now my FI! I could tell it was a forced congratulatory smile but didn’t take it to heart. We went to dinner a couple days later and in my state of engagement bliss…. I know I was still beaming ear to ear….the conversation kept gravitating towards her and her boyfriend (of about 9 months) and she was so angry with him for not proposing yet. What?!?! Since when was that ever something you had talked about, I didn’t even think she was ready for marriage. She then proceeded to say how she had told him that I was newly engaged and that she felt like she was being left behind because all of her friends were getting engaged (there are 2 of us).
At first I just took this as bridesmaid A being her normal self (only child and used to getting what she wants). Then the next words out of her mouth were I told him (her boyfriend) that if he doesn’t propose to me by New Years Eve I am leaving him! I wish you could have seen my face bees….it was a combination of slack jawed amazement and disgust. She then went on to say that she already had every detail (of her non existent wedding) planned out and it was going to be in June of 2011 so I better keep the date open. Mind you our wedding is in July, which she knew, and I still haven’t figured if she was planning on June in order to be “1st” within her engaged friends or really wanted a June wedding.
Wedding talk ended after that and soon the mishap was out of my mind. Well true to her word New Years Eve came around and her boyfriend proposed. She went into full wedding planning mode and kept asking me questions like are you having a band? who are they? what does your dress look like? what are the girls wearing? etc, etc. Even though I had all the major aspects of the day booked and many smaller details worked out I would always say, “oh we haven’t worried about that yet, or we are checking these out…and would give a lot of vague options.” Her mom was even calling up my mother to try and find out details.
Now I know it’s sad, I picked these girls because I wanted them to share and be a part of every aspect of my day. I wanted them to help me pick out little details and bounce ideas off of each other. Well bridesmaid A got the hint that she wouldn’t get anything out of me so now her and her other engaged friend have started competing and one upping each other on every wedding detail imaginable. Engaged friend is having this live band so bridesmaid A booked them right after, bridesmaid A is having the reception at this venue so now engaged friend is too. Everything is an image thing with her. One of her 10 bridesmaids has two children and she and her husband wanted to try for a 3rd. Well bridesmaid A told her that she could not be pregnant for her wedding because then she would take away all the attention from her on her day. She told her she could get pregnant after because she wanted her to “drink and have a good time.” I realize people do drink at weddings but since when was it mandatory to drink in order to have a good time? It just seems so petty and immature to me, like a real life version of Bride Wars. And I know the only reason it isn’t happening on my end is because I didn’t fuel the fire.
The sad news now though is, we don’t seem to be close friends, the only time she wants to get together is to try and pick my brain for my wedding plans and ideas. FI and I even moved into a new place 2 months ago and she has yet to come over. I know another bee was writing about cold friendships after a wedding but for two that haven’t happened yet? If everything is going to be a competition rather than surrounding yourself by people that really mean something to you then I don’t know if I want to be a part of her day. It’s getting to the point where I need to order my dress for her wedding soon. I know if I tell her I now longer feel it right to be a part of her party, especially when I never see her, our friendship will be over. But is it for the best?
Sorry for the length but I just need some advice from other bees that have experienced something like this before. Should I pull out of the wedding in full knowledge that I would loose a friendship? Even though this isn’t really considered a friendship at this point anymore!