Post # 1
Today I am feeling very sad for my FI- he finally called 3 of his friends on Sunday to ask them to be in our wedding (that is in Sept!) after my daily requests to give them time to plan for travel,etc. Well he had recently found out that one of the potential groomsman is also getting married this year, in Nov. They grew up together and haven’t been so good at keeping in touch over the last year but nonethless have been friends for so long it wasn’t even a question that he would be part of our wedding. Well FI finally called after getting up the nerve (feeling awkward since they hadn’t spoken in so long) and his friend said he would have to get back to him since he was paying for his own wedding and finances were tight. After they got off the phone we looked up their wedding website just to see if there was any fun information and came to find out his friend had already asked his groomsman and my FI was not one of them. He didn’t say anything but I know his feelings were hurt and that began my sadness for him- then he wrote his friend telling him he would pay for his airfare as it was really important for us to have him at our wedding and know money is tight this year- today we heard back not only is he unable to be part of the wedding but he won’t even be able to attend (he has no vacation time and no extra money to spend). I am so sad for my FI and he still has 2 more guys to ask- what if one of them (who is also in the other friends wedding 2 months later) also can’t make it? I will be so devasted for him.
I don’t want to dwell on it but also don’t know what I can do to make him feel better- he is being a typical guy and not expressing his feelings- however he did tell me he was upset that our wedding has gotten so big because now he has to "find" friends to be part of the wedding (which isn’t true and this friend no matter how large would’ve been one of his first choices- and he had 1 more guy than I had girl to begin with). I know he’s just feeling hurt but I can’t help but feel sad and don’t want the planning to make him feel bad.
Sigh…..just needed to get that out, sorry for the uber long post.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry for him! I hope that he can get past this and focus on the greatness of the day and know that all that matters is that you are there with him, even if a life long friend can’t make it.
Post # 4
It sounds like you were already discussing uneven bridal parties with him having one more groomsmen. Would you be OK if it ended up that you had the extra BM or two on your side?
I’ve been to weddings where it wasn’t perfectly even and it still looked beautiful. Really, the only time it’s super noticeable is during the ceremony. For pictures, you can mix up the bridal party instead of lining them all up together, so it doesn’t stand out as much. At the reception, no one will notice!
Help him focus on the bright side that it’s probably better this way. Friends grow apart sometimes, and on that awesome wedding day he’ll have his key friends and family there with him….and his beautiful bride, of course!
Post # 5
I think the only thing you can do is make sure he gives the other guys a call right away. No more procrastination.
Post # 6
sometimes just saying to your guy "that really sucks." can make them feel better. I think it must be really hurtful to him, and there isn’t really a great way to make it better – his friend has made it clear that he doesn’t value the friendship as much as your FI did.
Hopefully he can ask the others soon and will get a much better response!
Post # 7
So, originally you were going to have 2 bridesmaids to his 3 groomsmen? If it turns out that only one of his groomsmen choices is able to be in your wedding, how would you feel about the two of you simply have a MOH and BM? In retrospect I wish my Fiance and I had done that as well. We somehow ended up with 5 on each side…. UGH!
Post # 8
I so empathise. Although our situation was different, my FI also struggled to decide, and finally ask, his groomsmen. While they all said yes, I was concerned about a similar situation to yours, because one of them just had a baby, and another is getting married 6 weeks before us. I think boys don’t do as good of a job as girls of staying in regular touch. My FI had to really think about who he would ask, whereas I KNEW immediately who I wanted. It’s hard to see him upset, but I think just supporting him is what’s best. Also, don’t push him to ask extra people just to "even out" the wedding party- he should ask whoever he wants, even if that’s 2 people, and you have 11 bridesmaids. Give him an extra hug today too.