Post # 1
At first I was stressing a little. Now A LOT! The flight prices for Rio de Janeiro from our area went up AGAIN (we checked Monday morning) after we sent out a happy wedding video update on Sunday stating they have been the same for the last six weeks. *SIGH*
I am struggling between being a selfish ass brat and wanting people to come but also knowing people have real world shit to deal with and real world bills to pay. I know the hearts of our loved ones are in the right place but I don’t want anyone breaking the bank to attend this wedding. I even had a friend mention consolidating a loan in order to attend and I feel absolutely horrible for this. I know they are grown and can make their own decisions but a part of me feels horrible for planning the wedding so far away from home but the other part of me knows that I didn’t want to have the wedding state side.
We are trying to do the right thing by offering a significant discount on the plane tickets (approx. $100), hosting a reception in Brazil and offering r/t airport transportation for folks attending. I still feel like shit and like we are asking too much of folks. Unfortunately that little devil on my shoulder is saying to me this is what you both wanted and agreed to so if folks cant come then they cant come.
How do I reconcile these 2 very different feelings and be more ok with the decision we made especially given that folks really may not be able to attend?
Post # 3
@CocoClassic: A lot of people plan destination weddings. You are not a bad person for doing so. You are well aware that not everyone will be able to come or want to come because they have their own lives. It is a huge expense so all you can do is leave it up to your guests. If they want to attend, they will.
If they don’t want to or can’t, then you need to accept that (and it sounds like you will!). You made the best choice for yourself and your FI, but that may not be best for everyone. All you can do is hope for the best and let people make their own choice. You could offer a local reception to celebrate with the guests who are unable/unwilling to attend.
We never do the DW thing because we get limited vacation time and it just isn’t worth it for our family. It isn’t meant to offend the couple, but we have to do what is best for our own family…and spending a fortune on someone else’s wedding and a vacation I didn’t choose does not make my priority list. Every guest will feel differently.
Don’t stress the things you can’t control. It will all work out and the people who love you most will be there 🙂
Post # 4
@CocoClassic: Perhaps if you re-set your expectations about attendance it might help things. I just checked the price of flights to Rio from my major metro area, and they are EXPENSIVE — like $900+ a ticket. There are other islandy-destinations where $900 would pay for the entire trip, including flight and meals.
So if you want to have the wedding in Rio, in your mind you might want to keep focusing on the great experience you and your FI will have — and then if others are able to attend it will just be an incredible bonus. If you have always wanted an exotic wedding that’s what you are getting. But if you’ve always wanted your friends and family around you at your wedding….not so much.
Post # 5
@MrsPanda99: Everything you said makes sense in my head, I’m just trying to force my heart to catch up to it. I have experienced moments of frustration with this wedding but not the deep sadness that I feel right now.
My fiancee is super lucky and blessed because her family so close and very loving and have been welcoming of me. They, without a doubt, will be in Brazil to see us get married. Me on the other hand, I dont have any family which is why it’s so important that some of my friends come because they are more like the family I dont have. The thought of being there “alone” is what’s really downing me right now. Not having my support group there to stir up trouble and just let our hair down is such a sadness to me. I fully realize my fiancee is the most important person but it would be nice to have my core group of loved ones there too.
Post # 6
@primrosehedge: +1. That would buy an all inclusive trip to Dominican. I would not be willing to spend that on just a flight!
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@CocoClassic: yuck, I’m sorry you’re in this situation. That’s the exact reason why I wouldn’t plan a destination wedding (and I was just planning on going to a different state — not a different country haha). To me, our friends and family being at our wedding to celebrate with us was way more important than being somewhere crazy and cool. There are plenty of places around here for me to get married that would make it easier (and cheaper) on my family. Hopefully you find something that works out.
Post # 8
I’m sorry you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place!
But I’m sure plenty of people will be there for you.
Post # 9
@primrosehedge: We thought about that, we really did, but as you mentioned we wanted something exotic and something not many people would think to do. We knew going in the likelyhood of folks coming was very slim however I still cant help from feeling a ways, even if its only for a moment.
@MrsPanda99: I can certainly understand not wanting to spend that $$ on a flight for some folks. Our passion is traveling so dropping $900+ for a ticket to one of our destinations on our spreadsheet isnt an issue for us. People have other priorities so we cant fault them for not wanting to or not being able to attend.
@mrspinesol: Thank you. While I’m sad at the thought of not having my crew there, I’m ultimately happy with the destination we selected. Our priority was having a combined wedding/honeymoon/birthday trip and that’s what we will have (I hope lol). I know it will work out the way it’s supposed to. I just have to keep focus that its about the 2 of us, anything else is extra fluff.