(Closed) Sad my mom isn’t excited for me (vent)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m sorry to hear that. It sounds like he should live up to a parental standard! Are you sure she got the idea about what you think he’s saving for? Or, maybe she’s trying to encourage you to keep your hopes in check until it’s official?

My only suggestion is to keep telling your parents good things about him and letting him shine in their eyes. Good luck! Sometimes it’s tough for parents to see their kids stepping into a new life, but you should be old enough for them to accept that by this point.

Post # 5
Member
406 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry about that! BIG HUGS! My Mom didn’t act happy about my wedding either. She actually had me crying at work one day because I asked her if she was mad at me and she started going off on this rampage about how our venue is No Smoking (I included notes in the invitations for smokers so that they’d know). She said “It hurts but I guess I’ll get over it”. I just said that it’s their RULE not something I chose. UGH!
I hope your Mom is REALLY happy once he pops the question. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I saw my Mom for the first time in 2 years this weekend in AZ…she didn’t  even ask to see the ring. Nothing compared to your, Mom! I hope that once he proposes she will start to see that he is the one and be genuinly happy for you!

Post # 8
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I’m sorry. πŸ™ My family loved every single one of my old boyfriends when they first met them, but looked for bad things to say once they sensed we were getting serious (no matter how ridiculous). Except my grandma, who could never say enough good things about an ex once I started dating someone new. πŸ˜‰

She’ll get over it, though. Have a happy life and marriage with your bf, and down the line she’ll forget she ever thought he was weird. It doesn’t really help you now, I know, but it might be all you get…

As for broken homes… my grandparents divorced, my parents divorced, and I don’t think FI’s parents (who are still married, and whose parents were married until they died) hold the “sins of the fathers” against me. πŸ˜‰ We are all shaped differently by our experiences.

Post # 9
Member
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh boy.  I’m so sorry about this as I know ALL too well how a mother can be at times.  That phone conversation you described above killed me. Oh the mother’s sigh!  And little do they know that sigh really matters to us.

 So let me ask you this, does it truly come down to him coming from a broken home?  How are their reactions with each other?  Are they both respectful to each other?  Have they ever just sat down together to shoot the sh*t?

It sounds like your BF treats you right and vice versa.  I can tell you’re happy just through your words.  I hope the air eventually clears for you.  Keep us posted.

Post # 10
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I TOTALLY can relate to this post.  About 6 months prior to my FI proposing (we’d been together for over 3 years at this point), I had a chat with my mom… we were at a really nice dinner, having a wonderful evening.  At some point in time, I asked her if she was ready to have a new son-in-law.  Her response:  nothing.  Silence.  Then – she proceed to tell me how no one liked him and she didn’t think he was right for me.  I did everything to hold back the tears.  I asked her why she felt that way – and she couldn’t answer the question (other than to say that everyone thought he wasn’t right for me).  Yeah, that’s helpful.  

Fast forward to now – when FI asked for her blessing she said ‘sure’…. and then said, what can I say?  It’s your choice.   AYE.  The nice thing is she’s coming around now – and knowing the way it’s gone with my siblings, it will be fine in the long haul.

I guess my point is that even though your mom may be less than thrilled now, she is really most concerned with your happiness and well-being.  Once you get married and she sees that manifesting itself, I’m sure she will warm up to the idea.

Best of luck to you – try not to let it get you down (it’s been a big struggle for me!)

Post # 11
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Aw sorry she’s not that enthusiastic.  But, sometimes people take a long time to warm up to others, and you’ll have the rest of your lives to do it.  I’m sure once you get engaged and into planning she’ll perk up.  I think some parents don’t ever think anyone is good enough for their children, if that’s any consolation. 

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My mom was the same way, just give her some time! I thought my mom would be elated for me 3.5 years into our relationship, but she wasn’t until it got close to the actual wedding. She’ll get over it; you gotta make yourself happy first and foremost!

Post # 14
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

@CorgiTales: That’s why she thinks he’s weird? That’s a sign of a successful person! If your time is worth more than the cost of getting someone else to do something, you get someone else to do it! πŸ˜‰ At least I heard that on Good Morning America, once… πŸ˜‰

Post # 15
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I definately understand the socio-economic notions behind the blue-collar vs. college-grad man. My FI is the only one of his immediate family and friends to get a degree. Pretty soon, he’ll have his masters. My dad is the only one in his family to get a degree. One of the reasons I love my FI is that he is the perfect blend of blue-collar and educated.

But I would flat out ask your mom what her reasons are for thinking he’s “weird”. She obviously doesn’t see him the way you do, but I think it asking her to give direct examples of this “weird” behavior, you will both be able to talk about her seemingly subjective impressions and your love for your BF. It stinks if she just refuses to talk to you or reason. But in this situation, you have to show her that you are an adult more than capable of taking care of your own relationships and asking her to explain head on will definately show that. Better to do it now rather than something like the week of the wedding!

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