Sad. My mother told me I look fat in my dress.

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Member
973 posts
Busy bee

Wow… o_O I’m so sorry! That’s horrible. Especially considering your history, that’s seriously just cruel and even, well, dangerous. Does she want you to relapse? =( Don’t listen to her. Seriously.

Honestly, I have no idea if it “doesn’t do anything for you” or “make you look pregnant” or “have big hips” because I don’t know what you look like in other dresses or clothes. I don’t see how it can possibly make you look hippy or pregnant because the gown flares above your hips, and actually, also near where a “pregnant” pooch would be, but your hands are also in front. 

BUT from what I can tell, being completely honest and objectional, I would NEVER think you look “hippy” OR like you’re pregnant at all. Also… I don’t know the complaint on the bodice, so I can’t comment on that part in regards to her statements. I see nothing wrong with it.

I also have no idea if it’s “not flattering” on you though because I have nothing to compare to. When I see one picture, there’s always the possibility that another dress could be more or less flattering. No comparison =

 

From the one picture, I see no merit or truth whatsoever in her harsh words. And I’m not just trying to “make you feel better”; I’m being very honest.

It looks nice to me though! I think it looks quite lovely on you ^_^ I would not see you and think “Oh that dress does nothing for her/it’s ugly on her/she shouldn’t be wearing that.” NOTHING like that. I think it’s probably a very fitting dress for you! I think the cut and the neckline and the straps all are probably very flattering! 

My ONE suggestion would be about firming up the bust area a bit, as you’re already doing, but that would be it. And it’s not even like an “Oh that’s terrible,” suggestion, it’s totally like a “Hmm… I think that part could be slightly improved” kind of suggestion.  Are you wearing a drapey necklace? I think it would be really pretty with the line of the scoopy neckline and the straps. It’d mirror the pretty drama that’s going on there ^_^ 

 

You obviously loved the dress, or you wouldn’t have gotten it. And I’m SURE your fiance will get goosebumps and be totally wowed when he sees it. It sounds like your mom is just narcissistic and just wants to talk about herself. She might just not like all the attention you’re getting and feels jealous. I wouldn’t send her anymore pictures or include her on anymore of this. I would also ignore any nasty comments she says on your wedding day, as she just wants the attention on herself. I would say “Thank you, mom, for being insulting on the most important day of my life. Are you trying to make me feel bad? For the rest of the day, please keep your opinion to yourself.”  … but that’s just me ;)  

 

Don’t let her ruin this for you. You’ll be shimmeringly beautiful. 

Member
818 posts
Busy bee

First of all big hugs and lets get this straight – you do not look fat in your dress! It looks amazing on you. This is her issue because it is not about her. My mother is very similar, when I was slim at 18 she wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom after dinner for like an hour as she was sure I had an eating disorder (I did not i was totally healthy) and when I  later on became overweight she would send me diet tips and tell me all the time etc etc. I have realised that I have to do what makes me happy, not what makes her happy. It’s not my job. I’m having issues with her and the wedding too (not going to go into it here) but just saying you are not alone and try not to let her get to you. PM me if you want a chat or just some support. You look fab, you are marrying someone who things you are amazing and thats what matters so try to focus on the good stuff. xx

Member
5 posts
Newbee

For what it is worth, your dress is beautiful and you look absolutely beautiful in it!! I can’t offer any great advice regarding dealing with your mum, but from an outsider’s perspective, I think you look lovely and from your photo, there is no truth to what your mum has said.

Enjoy wearing your dress! :)

Member
2653 posts
Sugar bee

@Wellington Bride:  ((Hugs)) What a terrible thing to say to you! I have a few choice words that I’ll keep in my head. You. Look. Beautiful. Seriously, you look radiant in your dress. I wish I had some great wisdom to impart about moving forward, but all I can really say is ignore her. Remember that her comments are all meant to make her look better. You’re so strong and have come so far from where you used to be. Try to hold on to that.

Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee

As someone who suffered from and battled with bulimia, I can fully emphatize with how terrible her words must have made you feel. Even after one gets over an eating disorder, you still have to, to a certain degree, fight it for the rest of your life. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment especially from your mother.

I will be completely honest with you. I saw your pic in another thread and I remember thinking (and I still think so) how amazingly beautiful you look. You are beautiful. You will be a beautiful bride. I know it’s a hard thing to belive especially after such a knock to your confidence and self-esteem. But you truly looking stunning and I wish I can look as good when I do get married. Smile

I wish I could tell you to ignore her but coming from someone who has to deal with weekly critiques about my appearance from my own mother, I know that’s easier said than done. Just take it a second, a minute, an hour, a day at a time. Do things that make you feel good. Surround yourself with people that make you feel good and see you for the beautiful person that you are. And remind yourself that how she sees you should not dictate how you see yourself.

Member
973 posts
Busy bee

Okay I creeped on a couple of your posts. I saw the dress with you and your bridesmaid. You DEFINITELY do NOT look hippy or fat from what I can tell. I think it’s an extremely flattering cut on you.

Also, your makeup is very pretty. I would, as I saw other comments suggest, add some blush. Personally love using bronzer in the middle of my cheeks as well for definition. Love definition ^_^ lol

I DO think… wearing your hair down would be gorgeous though! Especially with your venue! Wow. Or maybe at least a few flowy pieces around your face. But looking at your hair down in your icon, for some reason I can see you totally rocking some long loosely wavy hair. Maybe you can show some hair-down pictures? Then again I’m not the biggest fan of the tight bun hair look. If that’s what you like then I’m all supportive of it. I was just making a suggestion, in case you didn’t consider it, as I know many brides assume wearing their hair up is more formal/attractive. 

I saw your makeup pics and I totally thought “aw she’s so cute!!! Such pretty brown doe eyes!” lol I’m a nerd.

Member
7405 posts
Busy Beekeeper

*hugs* You poor thing. I cant believe your own mother told you that! Even if it were true (which its definitely not) she still wouldnt have any right to talk to you like that. 

Member
302 posts
Helper bee

I’d never suffered from bulimia, but I do have an insensitive mom. I am 50lbs overweight, and my mom grabs at my stomach fat everytime she sees me. She CONSTANTLY tells me how fat I look/to sit up straight/to suck in my stomach/to stop eating so much and lose weight… she’s even gone as far as telling me that my BF will cheat on me because I’m too fat! So I can understand how hurtful those comments feel. I’ve started ignoring them completely. I let those hurtful comments go in-one-ear-and-out-the-other; I’ve stopped giving them space in my heart and my mind. AND when she says them, I don’t respond. I make the moment as awkward as possible for her, so she knows she’s being an a$$h*le. I don’t even bother giving her a response. 

I’m so sorry your old bulemic thoughts are creeping back up on you; fight back! Tell those thoughts to get lost! Don’t let them come back.

I think you look absolutely lovely in your dress. You look VERY elegant and dreamy. And your skin is glowing! Truly beautiful.

**hugs**

Member
782 posts
Busy bee

I am sorry you Mum has made you feel like this but can I just say I think you look stunning, your figure looks brilliant in this dress and if anyone doesn’t like it screw em’ because you look AMAZING!!!

Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee

@Wellington Bride:  *hugs* And the same to you – if you ever need to vent, I would more than happy to listen and talk and help out if I can Smile Us Kiwis need to be there for each other lol. And seriously, how you look in that photo is fully making me reconsider my stance against ballgown because you honestly look stunning in it.

Member
231 posts
Helper bee

I don’t know you, but you are OWNING that dress. It looks amazing on you!! Just based on that picture, I cannot picture a dress that suits you more perfectly. You’re going to look incredible on your wedding day. Have you tried talking to your mom about STFUing? You could either go that route or just put her on ignore and enjoy your wedding. You really do look amazing. 

I take major issue with mothers who comment on their children’s weight unless it’s for a serious health concern. I’m sorry she’s making this about her. You really do look fantastic, and your dress is beautiful.

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