Sad news from Dr. about FFIL.

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Oh Bee, that is devastating news. I’m so sorry…

i think you are doing the right thing by moving the wedding up, it is what I would do too in your circumstance. I understand what it is like because my FIL is also sick and has been for many years now, in and out of the hospital for the last ten years. We knew that there was a possibility he wouldn’t be there due to being sick however it is amazing what the mind and body can do once willed to do so. He was determined to make it to our wedding regardless and he was able to come and even walk down the aisle which is a huge undertaking for him as he lost his leg a few years ago and has neropathy. I truly hope that your FIL is able to make it to yours and that he can give the speech of a lifetime.

Might I just give you one tiny suggestion, you do not have to take it if you don’t want but if he really really wants to do the speech, you can offer for someone to record your FIL (when he is feeling really good one day) to play it back at the wedding in case his voice becomes worse between now and then.. Just trying to think ahead and in a just in case scenario.

And don’t worry about inconveniencing people with a new date, everyone will understand and if they cannot make it then so be it and those who really love you will make it work… I wish you all the best and I will have your FIL in my prayers.

Post # 3
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Oh bee I’m so sorry this is so tough. Thoughts are with you and your FFIL xx

Post # 4
7574 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m so sorry about that news. One of my mentors had a similar experience where they planned their wedding around her dad who had metastatic cancer. It was just the right thing to do. She has said that it was also a nice way for loved ones to spend time and celebrate her dad. I know it’s not the most ideal situation, but it will work out in the end. 

Post # 5
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I am so so sorry for this terrible news. Esophageal cancer is absolutely horrible. I wish you the best in planning with the new date. It sounds like you have a really good attitude about it. I hope you don’t mind me suggesting this but I am a hospice RN and see, firsthand, the benefit of the program for people with advanced disease. It could really help his quality of life leading up to and during the wedding. Just a thought! PM me if you want to chat more ❤️, thinking of you! 

Post # 6
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My dad had the same cancer.  He survived it but radiation destroyed his saliva glands and he lived with a feeding tube for 5 years. I’m so sorry for your family and I hope it all works out. 

Post # 8
3179 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so sorry, Bee. Hugs to you and your family.

Post # 10
7530 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

teacher-bee-in-the-sea :  Can you do an intimate family ceremony soon and then still have the big wedding/celebration in July? I’m so sorry to hear about his dad 🙁 DH and I have both lost our fathers while together – it’s devastating. 

Post # 12
487 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry, and I’m sending you and your family good thoughts. 

FWIW, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong decision here – do what feels best to you and your FI. The truth is, sick people can turn for the worse at any time. They can also hang in there and be okay for months or years longer than expected, especially when they have something to look forward to. In the worst case scenario, what if you rearrange everything for two months earlier and he still isn’t well enough to attend in May? Will you be sacrificing other important guests (your family who are far away) by moving up the date? I only wish to bring up these possibilities because they haven’t been mentioned here yet, and I think they’re worth considering before you rearrange everything.

You also haven’t mentioned whether you have talked to your FFIL about the idea of moving up the wedding. As a very strong, proud man, would he be okay with the idea of moving the wedding up? Some people feel strongly that they don’t want to be treated differently when they’re sick – I’m not sure if your FFIL is like this, but I think before you change any arrangements, you should make sure that he is okay with the idea. 

In any case, I truly hope that he is able to attend and that you have a beautiful wedding surrounded by loved ones. 

Post # 13
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

teacher-bee-in-the-sea :  ah, ok. That makes sense. I hope he finds the treatment helpful. This must be so difficult for you all. Again, I am so sorry. 

Post # 14
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

teacher-bee-in-the-sea :  Just wanted to share my sympathy with you and your FI, I’ll keep you guys in my prayers and hope that the stars align and the wedding can be pushed up with all the vendors and guests attending. I hope you have a beautiful wedding and that your father in law gets to say his speech just like he wanted.

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