(Closed) Sad over engagement…input PLEASSSSEEE!!!!!!!!!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
748 posts
Busy bee

Well, I’m sad this is happening to you, but yes it happens. Your parents are actually being very selfish but don’t realize it. You need to sit them down and have an honest heart-to-heart conversation with them. Tell them how you feel, and that you can’t enjoy this unless they are happy for you, and that you feel guilty. They need to understand that they made you for yourself, not for them, and that you need them to be there for you. 

Do they have any issues with your Fiance or is it just because they’re “losing” you?

Post # 4
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@caseybop1:  How long ago did you get engaged?

Have you set a date yet?

Are you moving far away from your parents to be with your FI?

It may take them a little time to come to terms with things if all of this is very recent.

I think you need sit your mom down and talk to her about how her reaction is upsetting you.

Tell her that they are not losing you, rather they are gaining a son (your FI). Talk to her about all the things you want to do together with her to prepare for the wedding.

Show her with your actions that even though you are getting married, she is not “losing you forever”. 

Maybe also try and spend some time with your parents and your Fiance together. So they can feel he is joining your family rather than taking you away.

Post # 5
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

O I am so sorry that you are dealing with this! Congratulations on your engagement, nothing should be preventing you from enjoying this. I think for every parent, there is an element of sadness at their child moving on and creating their own life – but they have to let go! Are you an only child? If so, that may make it worse. Although I am not an only child my siblings are all much older than me so my parents had a harder time letting go so I undertand to an extent! You clearly have a loving relationship with your parents which is great and of course you care how they feel. My advice would be to let them know that you are so thankful that they have raised you right and now they should be proud that they did a great job and you are ready to fly the coop. Also let them know that even though you are getting married, they will always be your parents but it is now time to start you own family. Involve them in the wedding if at all possible. I feel that the sad part of this story is that they can’t deal with their sadness and be happy for what is a wonderful thing for you, perhaps you could try to delicately approach that with them also saying that you are so happy but that their sadness is making you feel guilty and sad about what sohuld be one of the happiest times of your life.

But regardless of how they react going forward, really work at not feeling guilty or sad about this – you should be overjoyed. Perhaps if they see that you are so excited and unreservedly happy they will see the error of their ways and drop the sadness. They are adults they should be able to handle this without making you feel bad and as an adult, you are entitled to enjoy your engagement without worrying for your parents! 


Post # 6
5985 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I went through this same thing but with my sister. I lived with my sister since I was 16 so it was difficult on her. She still is not over me moving out and getting married. and now we live 300 miles away…

We really dont have much of a relationship anymore…very sadly. We grew apart because of this and now things just keep getting worse between us. I have tried very hard to patch things up and keep close but she feels betrayed. I hope she soon grows up and realizes things.

I really hope you dont go through this. I just wanted to share my situation…

Post # 7
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’d suggest buying Emotionally Engaged by Allison Moir-Smith and reading it and possibly having your parents read it as well.  The book talks about the feelings of sadness and loss that can come from separating from your family and starting your own.  It lets you know that you’re not alone feeling some sadness and gives you permission to mourn what you’re losing even while celebrating what you’re gaining.  It might be helpful.

Post # 10
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am going through something similar with my parents.  They aren’t crying or anything but are kind of indifferent and not excited at all.  It’s zapping all of my excitement too.

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