Post # 1
I feel really silly to tell the hive this, but I know you all will be understanding and help me out here! Let me preface this story with this: I realize that my reaction was immature and selfish, that my cousin’s wedding was certainly all about her and her husband, not me, and that if my biggest problem is getting my wedding flowers “stolen”, I’m in great shape. I know these things, but I got upset anyway.
I was a bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding this past Saturday, and it was beautiful and sweet. I was very happy for her and did my best to be a supportive and helpful bridesmaid throughout her planning and her wedding — moreso than her other party members, I feel. On her wedding day, I was sad to see that she used quite a few details I have been wanting for my wedding next year. Bamboo fans on the chairs? Check. Lavendar toss for their grand exit? Check. Okay, that’s fine, things overlap. But what really upset me was, even though her colors were brown and blue, we had purple and green flowers that were exactly what I wanted for my bridesmaids. EXACTLY.
What was particularly disheartening about this is we have talked wedding planning a lot and she knows my colors and knows what flowers I plan to use. After feeling as if I had given so much to her for her wedding, I really felt like something that was mine (even though I know it really wasn’t, they’re flowers!) was taken. So I excused myself to the bathroom for a long time and called my FI and cried. My mom came to check on me and I said, “I want to bash those flowers over her head!” Yikes.
Of course, now I feel like an idiot for reacting that way, and I did pull myself together and the bride was none the wiser. Would you have reacted this way??
Also, I’d love your opinions on if it would be a good idea to try to change my plans. I’ve already nixed the lavendar toss because it was unpopular with her guests, including my FI! I was thinking of doing the fold-out Japanese fans rather than the woven ones, and having them in baskets by the programs instead of on the chairs. But my flowers! I want to keep them the same. I don’t really care what she thinks — she knew they would be identical — but is that weird for the guests that will overlap? Will they assume I’m unoriginal, or will they have forgotten by then? We only have about 30 guests overlapping.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry to hear that.
My “revenge” (it is pretty sneaky to steal a family member’s wedding ideas, no matter if imitation is the greatest form of flattery) would be to do yours BETTER. There’s gotta be a way. That’s my competitive nature and if she says, “oh, i thought you were goign to do X, Y, Z” then I would just say “Ah, well, I thought I could do better”
I’d be ticked too. 30 guests is enough that I’d get the creative drawing pad out. Surely your florist will understand and help you vamp up your ideas. Purple and green looks pretty with fuscia, ya know =]
Post # 4
I don’t know if you want to listen to my opinion as I am never a girly girl, but there’s no way I would notice that two weddings featured the same colour flowers, unless I was admiring them in both cases. As I said though, I am generally not the sort to get caught up in such details. I think you should do what you’d like to do, especially if your cousin already knows about it.
Post # 5
I agree you should do what you want. If you really love those flowers then do it. Its your day and don’t let it be ruined because someone stole your idea. Maybe if you do continue you won’t feel so cheated. I’m sorry you felt that way. I’d probably be upset as well. Maybe not to that extent, but I would.
Post # 6
I can understand why you got upset and I commend you for sucking it up and putting on a happy face in front of her and the guests. I know it sucks that she took some of your ideas, but try to think about the positives here. Now you know what did and didn’t work and you can improve upon it. I doubt those 30 overlapping guests will really remember much if anything about her bridesmaids bouquets nearly a year from now. You could still change them up a bit if it’d make you feel better.
Who knows, maybe between now and your wedding you will think of some other ideas that you’d like even more. I got married 2 months ago and since then I keep seeing fresh ideas and thinking man, why didn’t I think or that? I wish I could have done something like that at my wedding instead.
Post # 7
Do what you want! Your guests are not going to remember or care if there are similar details. Quick, think of a wedding you went to before you were into wedding-planning. Do you remember the littlest details that you are worrying about? I’m guessing not!
I had the reverse happen to me—I went to my husband’s cousin’s wedding two weeks ago and she had used many of my details, and I heard from her family it was because she was inspired. She used the same typefaces on all her paper products! I was quite flattered and I did think that they looked great. She has good taste :). I don’t think anyone else noticed whatsoever, and that if they did know, they didn’t care. Your choices sound beautiful and I think you should go with them.
Post # 8
I’m sorry. I’m proud of you for not freaking in front of the bride! Maybe you will find ideas you like even better!
Post # 9
I wouldn’t notice if the flowers were the same – there are so many other details that you are looking at the flowers will look different with the different dresses decor etc.!
I say go for it! I do understand why you are upset – i think if she told you and you talked about it it would have been less hurtful but whats done is done and your wedding is going to be wonderful!
Post # 10
Honestly, I don’t think people are going to notice if the flowers are the same. SHE may notice – but “meh”. We are only SOOO focused on this stuff because we’re planning our weddings right now. No one else cares as much as we do. Do they appreciate it? Yes, they do, but they just don’t CARE like we do.
Post # 11
I would absolutely never notice if 2 weddings I went to had the same flowers!
Post # 12
I could understand if your wedding was next month, but according to your info, it looks like it won’t be until next year, so if you want to, stick with your original plans. That said, I started planning my wedding a year ago and the ideas I had then and what is actually going to be at our wedding are two totally different kettles of fish! So don’t sweat it too much, you’ll probably come up with different ideas as you progress through your planning.
Post # 13
The guests won’t notice or care. Really though, there are alot of details that are the same at multiple weddings and people tend to expect that. But it’s perfectly understandable to get upset over it.
Post # 14
I agree with ejs48y: Just do it better! Take the flowers you want, and add a whole other level to them with a funky design or something that’s never been done before. Your guests won’t even know … honestly.
Post # 15
That stinks! I’m sorry you had such a difficult time at her wedding– but on the upside, at least you learned from the things she tried but didn’t work. :o) About changing your ideas, I don’t think many people would notice the overlap, so you really should be fine. But if you are like me, the fact that your cousin would notice is enough motivation to return to the drawing board.
Importantly, I can sympathize with getting attached to ideas– you spend so much time dreaming about the little touches, it can be devastating to let them go. This happened to me when we changed venues and my sleek, modern reception no longer fit. But trust me, the sources of wedding inspiration are endless. Once you get pointed in a new direction, you’ll be excited about new ideas and no longer stress about the old ones. Good luck!