Post # 1
Do you waiting bees ever have days where you just feel SAD? Today is one of those days for me. I feel like my relationship with my SO is so much more serious than “boyfriend/girlfriend” and we have been officially living together for three months now (although co-habitating for over a year! We just picked a final place three months ago). I’m just so impatient to make the relationship official and more serious. Marriage is so important to me. It offers security, love, commitment…and yes, relationships offer that too, but marriage takes it to a whole nother level. You are committing yourself to that person and only that person. I already feel like we are like that…that we have committed ourselves to each other. And he said he sees us together years from now…so what is the hold up? What is the reason he isn’t ready to get married? It frustrates me and makes me sad. I see people around me getting engaged and married and I can’t figure out why we aren’t at that point too. We are so happy and so good together and we both say that want to be together forever…so why hasn’t he asked? And no, I don’t want to ask him – I am a traditionalist and would really prefer for him to ask me. Blah, I am just in such a sad and bummed out mood.
What do you bees do to get out of the sad slump? I need some help today.
Post # 3
I kept focusing on showing him how much I love him. Leaving him notes in his lunch, sending him texts while he was at work, making date night plans for us. I would go out and buy all the ingrediants for our favorite meals so we could cook dinner together. I would also make sure we had a lot of leftovers for lunch the next day and pack his lunch with a cute note. Doing something for him always makes me happier.
Post # 4
I hear ya! I’ve been with my SO for over 9 years and am still waiting. One night he was late coming home and I thought “What if he never came home? What if I were to never see him again? Or if one of us got terminally ill and our lives got turned upside down?” or sooo many other worse things that could happen than “Why don’t I have my ring?!”
I guess you just have to be thankful for the relationship you are in and how he loves you and all the good things 🙂 The ring is a minor detail and will come!
Post # 5
@thenewmrsmax: Yes, I’m at that stage too!! Had felt sad about waiting for the longest time, but after talking to my friends and my bee friends here, realized I know he loves me and we’re headed in that direction. I’m trying to act how I would were I already engaged/married to my SO; confident, loving, happy. I’ve been doing this for a few weeks now and I can definitely feel the pressure off (my SO and I).
But I definitely understand the sadness you’re feeling, it sucks; you check out every girl with a ring (SHE’s engaged? seriously?!), and you want that next level of a relationship–because that’s what it feels like and you’re ready to make it official. Try your best to enjoy what you have in your relationship right now–like others have said, the ring will come in time!!
Post # 6
@kandykane1: “why hasn’t he asked? And no, I don’t want to ask him – I am a traditionalist and would really prefer for him to ask me.”
Waiting is a million times easier when you know how long your wait will be. Is marriage in his plans next year, or 10 years from now? You deserve the peace of mind that comes from knowing. I think planning a life together can be just as sweet as being swept off your feet with a surprise proposal.
Post # 7
@kandykane1: what helped me is I stopped focusing on him and what the whole thing meant about ME. It’s really not my problem- he seems to have hang ups or just be blind to the realities of life. I decided it was his problem if he was willing to lose me and to I decided to stop focusing on him. I started spending more time putting myself in a better place for myself and trying to be the person that would easily be able to move on. I.E. I updated my wardrobe, used my pinterest time less on wedding and more on outfits, nail polish etc; started reading more interesting books so I could have interesting &^*(W^( to say on my potential future dates etc. I notice a huge difference in him. I can tell he feels the pressure to step it up but not from me pressuring but from him realizing he could lose me because I could easily move on. I am still in the waiting game with you but I feel so much better.
P.S. I am still NICE to him etc but my focus is just less on him.
Post # 8
@kandykane1: Wine helps If that doesn’t work…try Vodka!
Seriously, I’m sorry that you are having a sad day. Try TRY to snap out of it and change the station in your mind. Listen to happy music, take a bubble bath, do something for YOU that is not wedding/marriage thought related.
I know I haven’t been on here that much, bc I’ve been feeling a little low too lol…on top of my parents issues–THE VERY LAST OF MY CLOSE GIRLFRIENDS and announced that she is expecting a baby. Two years ago she’s all ‘I’m never getting married and if I have kids it won’t be until my 30’s’…(she’s 2 years younger than me)…so I was shocked to find out that she is with child. Yep, I had a low moment on Sat night. Chugged some wine, and when that didn’t work I switched to vodka. Then I watched ‘cars’ on TV and laughed my butt off–what a CUTE movie!
Hang in there!
ETA: I also decided to spend money on a new right hand ring lol. And some more bee jewelery. Retail therapy is also working for me lol.
Post # 9
I am not sure if someone has already told you this. I find alot of women feel this way and you hear them say, once they stopped thinking too much about it and became more patient is when it happened. Try to stay positive! 🙂
Good things come to those who wait!
Post # 10
Stay positive! Take in your time as a fellow “live-in girlfriend” as I like to call it.
Post # 11
- Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar
@kandykane1: cheer up!! ive had those days too. Recently though i have been focusing on other things…n it has help a bunch. I been focusing on my work and i have been applying to grad school. I been focusing a lot on me….until SO of course decided to text me yesterday and tells me we need to start throwing ideas around for our wedding and the reception n other wedding related things lol i was surprised and we really did have an extended conversations and he even stated what he wanted to wear and what was inmportant for him at the ceremony as well as the reception. I called him groomzilla lol bc he was a bit demanding and pushy about what he wanted! lol but i liked it. But im trying to refocus on me today…and just let last nights talk stay where it belongs…hope this helps a bit.
Post # 12
Thanks so much for all the comments, fellow bees. It really does help. I’m still feeling sad, but I am feeling a bit better. I’m going to do my best to try and keep positive – it’s really all I can do at this point.
*hugs* to you all!
Post # 13
Oh my gosh, I felt the same way too. Honestly, as bad as it sounds, I was just ready to have FI rather than just a BF. The titles of boyfriend and girlfriend just didn’t capture the commitment and seriousness of our relationship! It will happen, OP. My roommate and her BF have been dating a long time and she really wants to be engaged, too, and I swear that he is just not in a rush because none of his friends have started talking about proposing and getting married yet. Sometimes it seems like guys do it in spurts. When one proposes, they all start proposing. I think this is how it will be for my roommate, and maybe for you, too! Chin up, buttercup.
Post # 14
@wildflowerbee: Thank you for this, dear. Your last couple of sentences made me smile and I appreciate that – especially since I haven’t been full of smiles the last couple of days. I think the issue for me is that my SO is older and has been married before. I don’t think he is in a rush to propose and I don’t think his friends proposing would really make a difference…most his friends are either already married. He does have one friend who will propose in the next six months or so, but that is it. I am hopeful that maybe helps him see the light, but if it doesn’t….then I don’t know what will. Hopefully SOMETHING.