Post # 1
So my dh and I just moved to my hometown for another 4 years. We bought a house and now he is away for 3 months (military), since he will be training. I am getting our home settled and just organized everything myself while working full time in a “demanding” job. My dh and I text a few times a day. He is busy with this training so I dont get mushy or annoying. I give him his space and we talk on phone at night. i have been busy getting our home settled etc.
So this is the issue, we were fighting when he left, then he acted like he missed me, he wont ever apologize or try to talk things out, he is the silent type. We seem okay and e has sent me flowers and all.
Well at the end of the day, after moving day, I called him. He barey spoke so I started asking about his day, asked when he was scheduled to fly etc.. He acted annoyed and antsy..and then I asked him if he was upset about something. His only response was that I was asking so many questions. I am a “good” wife. I apologize and give space if needed and love as needed. However, this truly hurt my feelings, so I was like, okay then Ill leave you alone goodnight and I hung up. He has no guilt, doesnt attempt to call or say sorry. He does this a lot. Usually men act like this when a woman is clingy…
He has been difficult. He cancels plans at the last minute numerous times, he has fits for nothing and sulks in the office. It has made me cry soo much. I am at the point where I am tired…he never says sorry or anything. He just wants to suddenly make up in the moment when he wants to.
I believe in marriage, but I dont understand my own dh. He doesnt have any friends that he hangs out with or talks to. Only talks to people at his job/training on a daily basis.
My biggest concern is that he is unhappy, nothing I do makes him happy. He is not appreciative of me. He does good gestures, he says i love you, he is faithful. But this attitude confuses me soo much.
Im just reaching out for consolation. I will be visiting him in two days and he just did thisto me last night. Thanks in advance
Post # 3
@Hope555: ((Hugs)) I’m sorry you’re so unhappy. It sounds like your DH isn’t very good at dealing with negative feelings, and right now there’s a lot going on. He might feel very guilty about fighting before having to leave and not being there to set up the house with you, but it’s coming out as irritation and anger. He’s uncomfortable talking about his feelings, so they come out in other ways. He loves you. Visit him with an open, compassionate heart, and when you both have time, you can talk about better communication.
Post # 4
do you think, he thinks you have trust issues? i wouldn’t say to have a heavy conversation over the phone. but definitely talk it out when he comes back, and tell him, while not his intent, he makes you feel the way that you do. if he’s not good at picking up on things, you have to literally spell it out. in the end you can be okay with yourself and that you held your end.
Post # 6
@brideanjeza: Thanks! Well, There is only one thing that happened when we were engaged and that was about 2 years ago. Is it possible he thinks I have trust issues?. Ok well, I dont consider myself jealous, he is attractive. But I am known to protect what is mine and I need to be respected; I am like that even with family etc…For instance, when we were engaged, and he was going through training he would come home and talk about his day, usually guys and then he talked about a girl as well. i didnt think anything of it until he intentionally did not mention her name. I let it slide and he did it again..he was just wierd about it. So i asked him why cant you say this persons name? He got all wierd, then I made him laugh. He said that she was flirtatious..and I was like, okay, haha thats fine, but why cant YOU say her name to me? That was all I cared about. Well, with no more discussion, he didnt want to talk about it further. We then went to a xmas party and she was there. I could tell that her and other girls (her roommates) knew something, like a crush or so. He went up to introduce me to her and other girls and she acted like she barely spoke to him. He mentioned that she was unisually wierd (he seemed flattered) and thougbt it was funny. I knew she had a crush, she prob didnt realize I existed. Mind you, they work together, but not partners or anything that required them to talk..So after all this happened, I told him that unless necessary/work related, to try to restrain from talking to her as respect to me. Well, one day I saw in FB that he approached her by email, asking her what to wear on the uniform. There were soo many other people he couldve asked. I confronted him, he said it was work related etc. he deleted it, and all he said is that he will never take me to a xmas/work party again. He meant it. Then we got married. We went to a baseball game once, ran into another guy and even he mentioned her name to my dh. The guy told my dh in front of me that he heard she moved and that she is dating some guy (with the same name as my dh) and he thought it was my dh. I calmly told him, wow why would he say that in front of me, your wife? (So rude). Anyhow the girl has a boyfriend now (he has the same name and is similar type of guy! Crazy..
Well its been 2.5 years and my dh hasnt made any friends throughout the training. I want him to have friends and I trust him to go out. I just didnt like that situation. But was I wrong in any way? Could this be what has made him this way?
sorry for the long post
Post # 7
@Hope555: i was reading your post intently hahah. you are very decriptive. i don’t think you were wrong in any way. if presented with the same situation, i would have responded the same way, although you do sound a bit more composed than i would have been. i like how you put this:But I am known to protect what is mine and I need to be respected. the way that i see it, it is a matter of respect and it is odd that his friend was a bit loose with his words in front of you. my take on this is that he probably does think you have trust issues and even when you are not, he probably thinks you want to be in the know of his many moves. this is especially hard with the distance. in my opinion time will fix this and you have to show him in actions what you feel and i’m referencing your friends porition of this, of how he hasn’t made any work friends. allow him to have his guy time i guess (not saying that you are not). but in a way, displace yourself and say, ok i”ll be with so and so today, so why don’t you have some guys over and fire the grill up. i wish you luck!
Post # 8
@brideanjeza: Haha thanks! I think that is exactly what I am planning to do once we are settled back home. He always just does stuff with me and blows off doing stuff with friends. It was hard for me to make friends where we were tenporarily living, but now im back home. It is actually quite easy for me to have something to do with friends, haha. Thanks for the advice!
Post # 9
Oh dear! Do you think it is the distance starting to take its toll on him?
Post # 10
We have had to spend lots of time apart and it can be do hard, but the hardest separations are when he’s at school or training or something in the states for months at a time. Of course deployment sucks but there’s nothing we can do about it.
during training my hubby would find things to keep him busy, which also made time to chat difficult, we started arguing and getting frustrated so.. I bought a plane ticket and stayed with him for 9 days. It was boring while he was gone during the day, but so worth being with him.