Post # 1
Looking for some wisdom on this one. Our cousin has been battling cancer for a couple years now (27 years old) and she being the most positive, strong person ever, lived her life to the fullest. This included getting engaged! We all honestly thought that she was going to pull through it all. Last week she went for a checkup and was told that she has about a week left. She is due to get married to her amazing fiance in two days. No one is sure what is going to happen, if she will make it, or how it will be.
So obviously this is the worst possible, saddest, situation I’ve ever been a part of. I can’t imagine what her immediate family and fiance are going through. I am certainly going to try and put on my happy face this weekend, though I’m not very good at holding back the emotions.
This brings me to our question that we really don’t want to ask anyone because we are afraid it makes us look insensitive… do we still buy a wedding gift? I don’t know if we should act like nothing is different and go ahead and buy them our original gift, or if having that left behind for her widowed fiance/husband would be too sad. I dunno. This whole situation just sucks.
Post # 3
@groovinbride: oh my gosh 🙁 I’m so sorry..
I think I’d give money to help cover medical costs left over or maybe talk to the bride and ask if shed like you guys to donate to cancer research …. I don’t know , just wow.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor
@groovinbride: Oh sweetie I am so, so sorry. That is such an awful situation 🙁 I think you should buy them a wedding gift – if she’s able to make it to the wedding I’m sure she will just love opening all of their gifts. It’s a great feeling, most people don’t ever get showered with that many gifts in their life (especially not as adults).
Is the gift something you think her FI would find helpful as well?
Big hugs – I can’t imagine what your family is going through. I hope she lives to experience her wedding and that it’s a special day for her and your whole family.
Post # 5
I would go with money, to take the burden off her fi and family afterwards. Also a donation to cancer research or something she cares about (animal shelter, her old school etc.)
Also sending hugs and prayers cause that is so sad!
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@groovinbride: Yikes, how awful 🙁 I would guess that money as a wedding gift might be the best option… surely there are a lot of expenses associated with her cancer.
ETA: And maybe a voucher or certificate for a nice framed photo of the two of them? I’m sure her fiance would appreciate that after her death.
I tried to find the link but couldn’t – there was a blog post on Green Wedding Shoes about a wedding where one of them was terminally ill. It was an absolutely beautiful and emotional wedding, and it seemed to bring great joy to everyone involved. I wish I could find it!! Anyone remember this? Anyway, point being, I think the wedding will be very emotional but also healing in a way for everyone involved… good luck…
Post # 7
@groovinbride: I would give money as a gift… Cancer treatment is extremely expensive, and even after she passes, he’ll probably still have residual bills to pay.
But you’re right– this is actually the saddest thing I think I’ve ever heard…
Post # 8
@groovinbride: Very sorry to hear about your cousin. It must be so hard for your family during this time. Yes, I think you should give a gift, and go with money..the family can then chose the most appropriate way to spend it. Or, alternatively, you can split the gift and give half money, and half as a donation to a charity she/the family supports or to the hospital she’s been receiving treatment at.
Post # 9
@Laurenskii: I would give a gift. Either money which will help her FI with arrangements..ect and maybe areally nice picture of the two of them…something he can look at and remember her by
This is very sad 🙁 I’m very sorry about her prognosis…thoughts to your family 🙁
Post # 10
This is so sad. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
@Laurenskii: OP is in Canada so if her cousin is too then healthcare is covered.
I think donating to research would be good but maybe (and I really don’t like thinking about it) her FI/H could use the money for funeral costs or towards other outstanding expenses such as missing work, etc.
Post # 11
I would honestly give cash to pay for funeral expences. I’m so sorry for the situation your family is in. My heart goes out to you and your cousin.
Post # 12
WOW I’m so sorry! I think I agree with PP about asking the bride if she wants you to make a donation, or giving a card with money… I don’t think a gift would be….appropriate?
Post # 13
I am so very sorry for you and your family. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers!!
Post # 14
@groovinbride: I am so sorry. My dad is very ill, so your post hits home for me. Are they actually going to go through with the legalities of a wedding? He would be married and widowed in the same week and I am not sure that makes the most logical or financial sense, especially if she is not feeling her best.
I’m not sure I would get them a wedding gift, but I would give money towards medical expenses (if required) or donate to a cancer charity in her name. This is the saddest thing I have read all day and I am very sorry for what your family is going through. Please keep us posted and let us know how everything works out.
Post # 15
@NovaRising: +1, I didn’t even think of that. It is sad to consider, but they will need money for that.
Post # 16
I say give money; and maybe a photo collage of some sort. Something that will make her smile.