- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
OK, not a SAHM.. but there are LARGE variables
1) where you live (housing cost, public education)
2) your own expectations of education and other items (sports, college, etc)
3) other lessons (piano, gymnastics, mommy and me gymborees, etc)
4) soooo many other expectations (vacation, flying to visit grandparents/parents vs driving, birthday parties, clothes, etc)
What someone makes is so variable depending on where they live and what they expect their life to be
You have to decide what you want, what you can afford in your area and what it will cost
Well I don't mean to hijack the babiness of this thread, but right now I am a stay at home puppy mom!
Its about living below your means, frugality and sacrifice!
Take a look at your bills that are an absolute and then compare them with what one income would make. From that you can adjust like would downsizing to one car save you on insurance bills, maintenance & gas etc? You can plan as much as you want and save for a lifetime, but we have no idea what tomorrow brings!
Get rid of the fancy stuff like special hair appointments, gym memberships, eating out once a week, starbucks- whatever things can be done by yourself or replicated cheaper! There are thousands of tips on how to save online with meal planning, making your own things from scratch ( laundry detergent, deodorant, tooth paste etc) It all adds up and can be the difference between SAHM and working :)
I am a SAHM right now because I lost my job :S I love being home, but finacially it is tough! We are making it by not buying ANYTHING that don't absolutely need. I also look for coupons, and buy those items (no, I'm not a crazy couponer!), I don't leave the house and drive anywhere unless I absolutely have to. I make dinners, and that is what my DH takes for lunch. I am trying to get on WIC because I am also pregnant right now, and it would really help out with food right now, and when the baby comes. We don't go out really, unless we have saved some extra money to do so. We find fun things to do at home, or around our home, or have friends or family come over and play games, etc.We lowered our cell phone plan so our bill is cheaper, got the cheaper Netflix, I stopped getting coffees and make it at home now,I don't get my hair done, or my nails anymore, I don't buy the expensive shampoo and conditioner, etc. Because I was a single mom to start too, when summer came, I cut my son's jeans into shorts. They still fit in the waist, but were too short, so it worked perfect. Same with his shirts into tanks. He doesn't know the difference, and I couldn't afford to buy new wardrobes every season!
I think the smartest thing you could do to see if you could make it finacially would be for you to start putting all your paychecks into savings, and trying to live off one income.
@lefeymw: Good points. We don't have a mortgage anymore (it's paid, we got a great deal) and our area is fairly "low" compared to national average being metro Atlanta. Also, grandparents live 20 minutes away (his in one direction, mine in another).
I do see the other factors being pretty important. Granted, I would go back to work after the youngest was in school all day. So it wouldn't be SAHM forever. Just for, say, 8 years (time to have 2 and get them both into Elementary school).
@Eva Peron: I particularly love your last paragraph - very true. I don't do the hair appts or Starbucks, etc, right now because... I don't color my hair and I don't like coffee. But there are other things. FI and I probably eat out twice a week or so. Plus it's more expensive with a child.
I wonder what it would be like to DIY those things like deodorant, etc. I'm going to go google them now! :)
@Rosie Girl: Good point. We can make it on his pay but just barely. That's also without a kid and with a few extras (like I mentioned, the dinners out) and a car payment he will be done with in the next 3-4 years.
I think the smartest thing you could do to see if you could make it finacially would be for you to start putting all your paychecks into savings, and trying to live off one income.
Great idea. If you cant do this, you cant be a SAHM because with a kids is even more expensive.
I would love to be a SAHM. I would never mention this to FI though, for the same reason, that we probably couldn't make it. He's a paramedic and makes awesome money, BUT with a house payment and daily needs, it just wouldn't work. :( FI's mom is a SAHM but his dad owns a business. I've heard that kids are crazy expensive, so that doesn't really help things. :(
@TheLionQueen: Yeah, I felt bad even saying it, but I wanted to be completely honest. It's not that he doesn't make good money, it just doens't seem like it would be enough unless there were some major lifestyle changes.
I think we could make it work if we HAD to, but I know he would not want me to, and I dont think it would be very realistic either. We make about the same so we would basically be cutting the income we are accustomed to in half, wouldnt be able to max out our 401ks and Roth IRAs, travel, or save very much. We both dont want to continue the grind of work or delay retriement so as great as being a SAHM, unless he LOVED his job and could make at least double, it just wont be possible.
Being a SAHM is about being completely selfless. You give up your identity, your frivolous obsessions, and partially your independance. Of course, what you gain in return in well worth it. Yes, starbucks and eating out and shoe shopping and spa days with the girls and [insert random thing here] all goes buh bye if he doesn't make a ton of money. But - in return, you learn to get creative. You meet other moms and make plans with your kids. You don't need 30 pairs of heels, the sand at the park will screw them up anyway. Spa days become mani-pedi nights at home with little fingers and toes and big doe eyes looking up at you like you're the queen of the world. Wanting to see every movement of you putting on lipgloss, because she wants to be just. like. you. Learning to make DIY natural beauty products is fun too. You don't have to DIY things like deodorant unless you want to. The biggest change is learning how to live with what you have. You cut back, you make sacrifices. You find out just exactly what you can indeed live without. You learn to bargain shop. It's not easy, but it's not impossible. I've been a single mom for almost 5 years, was a SAHM before that.
If you want to know if you can do it, do what PP suggested. Put your paycheck into savings. Live off his. See what it takes. If you can do it, bravo. If you can't, you either need to learn to, or get ready for daycare expenses (which depending on where you live, could be the same as what you're earning).
I was a SAHW for a year and it was super tight. I could barely buy anything for myself because we were still trying to save a decent bit and my husband was making $40k at first.
@AmeliaBedelia: So I've been a SAHM for 2 1/2 years but I was suppose to go back to work next month, I think I'm going to decline because I'm pregnant again. DH makes around 80k gross and we have about $3000 a month in bills so sometimes it's tight but we're still saving and paying off debt. I've never felt financially unstable though...
My DH is in school right now and not earning income or contributing. It is doable but there are definitely things you must go without. I think that the financials depend on things like your rent/mortgage, your water bills, gas bills, electric bills, gas bills, and food bills. You can only scrimp so much.
A lot of people miss the very obvious things they could save on if they wanted to. Think cable, home internet, cell phone plans (combining into a family plan vs. individual plans), water usage, electric usage, and gas usage.
I would recommend drafting a spreadsheet where you list all of your expenses that you track for three to four months. You would be amazed where your money drains are! We overspend when we buy online, so Amazon and Ebay are danger zones for us. Some people eat out too often, some indulge in frivolities they could easily do without. As you keep track each month, try cutting out your expenses to see if you can save more money. Your goal is to be able to save your entire paycheck every month plus some for baby expenses.
When I had my first I was going to go back to work, but just in case DH or I lost our jobs I saved every pay check for 6 months. We lived off his (was HARD) and saved a ton of money. I worked retail, so pay wasnt high, but it helped when we needed "rainy day" money. Before maternaty leave ended I calculated all costs of day care, and gas to my job (about a 30 min drive) and I would actually be bring home.... $50 a week!! For that I stayed home.
Whats funny is we thought things were SO hard for the first few months, then realized we were spending money all the wrong ways, and revamped how we spend. Alot of people would think DH doesnt make enough to do it all, but we make it work with two kids. We still go out once a week to friends, and have all the little pleasures like phones, cable, and internet.
It's really important to ask yourself: do you want to become a SAHM because you desperately want to raise a child from birth until school age, or do you want to become a SAHM because you're unhappy with your career path? The longing for motherhood needs to come way, way before the longing to stay home.
@weeonebride: This!!
I calculated what me working made versus the costs of going to work and was NOT worth it..
We are living off of my husband's income before. I am almost done with grad school, I have a home business, and I may be starting a new program after the baby is born. All of this was in the works before I got pregnant. It just so happened to work out that when the baby is born, I will only have my last class that semester and then be off for a few months.
We have already been saving money and couponing for a few months before getting pregnant. My husband makes a nice amount and gets a raise every year. We will not have to pay for daycare for about 6 months if I get into this other program. We also use my extra income from the home business for extras. I don't go anywhere unless I have to. I had my car refinanced to save money. It also helps that my husband is really tight with our money. lol
I guess technically I won't be a stay at home mom because I am in school.
@MeAndDubby: You said it!
@AmeliaBedelia: I'm a SAHM. I left my job on September 2nd and delivered our daughter September 29th. My salary was a little more than half of what my husband's salary is, so when we bought our house last year we calculated our expenses based strictly on his salary, leaving mine out of the equation because the plan has always been that I would be a SAHM.
I never wanted to put our daughter in daycare, but even if I did, it's very expensive where I live (metro NY) and would take a significant chunk out of my salary.
One thing that helps us is that my husband tracks our expenses every month -- something he has done since we started living together. It really helps you to see where your spending is and areas where you can make adjustments. Now, with an infant, I expect to have far less time to spend on myself, but I also have new priorities. I can color my hair at home for far less money (once I start coloring again, that is), I can cut my own cuticles, I can make my own coffee. The only thing I've been spending on these days are nursing bras and tops.
Your priorities may change, and what you think is important now may not be. Good luck! I hope you're able to find a way.
We were good about saving before I was pregnant and we live frugally. Not sure how long I'll stay at home but not forever. We both have good degrees so part of our calculation on retirement/college funds is a conservative estimate of future earnings.
I don't know anyone who has made the transition from two incomes to a single income without some sacrifices or lifestyle changes. Most of the stay at home moms I know cut back on daily frivolous spending and had to move to a very strict budget; they've also made some sacrifices like going down to only one car, moving to cheaper location, putting off savings or paying off debt, etc... It's all a balance of how much are you willing sacrifice to achieve your goal.
I also think being a stay at home parent is hard, and I always think it's a great idea to try it out before fully committing, whenever possible. Of the SAHMs I know with babies my daughter's age, two are now looking for part-time work, one started back at work when her daughter was 5 months old (she thought she'd stay out at least a couple years), and one has had to start working from home so she can bring in more money for her family. It's hard financially, and it's often really hard emotionally to be a full-time caregiver.
While not a total SAHM, I work only enough to carry my medical insurance and bring in about $1000 a month (after tax). My husband's medical is pure crap...moving on...
Living in Seattle, not cheap, my husband makes about 5x what I would have made working full time. My paycheck has (luckily) never really been a deal breaker. After mat. leave I'll be working PT from home 4 days a week. It's enough to give me some shoe/Starbucks money and keep me sane. I don't know if I could be a full on SAHM but this is working out well for us right now.
@lofi: Good point, but the longing for motherhood has been here for ages. We still are not seriously considering DOING it for a few years but if we COULD I would be on top of that. I have fertility disorders on top of that "mommy longing" and it makes it so much harder. So no, it's not just a career issue. I do know what I want out of a career, but I am not one of the women who get a large portion of their identity from their career. My mother IS one of those - she's a licensed psychologist. You see, I want to be a mother more than I want to be recognized in my profession. Not everyone will understand that, but it's just me.
@weeonebride: :) Warm fuzzies.
I understand that there is a sacrifice. We have had to live off of only one income before. We made it, somehow. Neither of us make a gargantuan amount, but we make "ok" money. We both have degrees. Plus, our mortgage is nonexistent. We bought our house in cash.
@Miss Sapphire: There is that. I wonder if my job would let me do that.
I love your post. I think it's a perfect example of how we ALL have room to cut in our budget whether we believe so or not.
I also think @lofi: post is really important as well. I think being a SAHM is a full time job often harder than having an outside job. You need to want to do and not do it because you have nothing else better you want to do. I feel if you did it because it was the easier choice you might come to resent it.
My husband and I have lived off his income before for 2 years while we were in college and all I had was a work study. Which is peanuts. So I know we can def live off one income and support a baby. It will just be really really tight. The other thing is a lot of times moms choose to be SAHMs because the cost of day care is so exorbitant that their whole paycheck ends up going to day care. At that point it just makes more financial sense to stay at home.
I have thought of being a SAHM and at this point I'm not sure if I'm emotionally ready for that. It makes me feel VERY selfish but I don't know if I can stay at home all day with the baby. But on the other hand I hate the idea of leaving my baby in day care a full 5 days. I know it's not like you are stuck indoors ALL the time. And on the other hand I LOVE my career and my job. I'm one of the lucky few that had a dream to be an Architect when I was very young. I'm now an Architect and I still love it. If I did not like my career as much I think the scales might tip a bit. But anyway, who knows how I will feel after baby is here. I might be one of those career woman that goes back to her job after maternity leave and decides she can't stand being away from baby.
I'm a SAHM and we're struggling. I was home before we had the baby for about a year so we knew we could survive with just the two of us, but of course babies add a lot! My parents help out a ton. I love being home with her though, so I'll do it as long as I can :) I'm hoping we'll be able to have another baby and I'll at least stay home until that one goes to kindergarten. But it all just depends on our finances down the road. I have a masters so it kind of sucks not using it... but right now my priority is my baby.
I do agree with Mrs. Spring, it is a lot harder to be a SAHM than I thought it would be! Especially in the beginning I did get pretty freaked out, like oh my god, what did I get myself into! My baby has had some constipation issues, and she has her days where she would just scream all day long. In the end of course I'm glad I stuck it out, and I do know that nobody else would ever give her as good of care and as much love as I do. And it's all worth it when she gives me those smiles :)
If you are a SAHM, how do you have health insurance for you and your kids, is that all under your husbands health insurance too?
I am struggling with this question right now as well! I am unemployed, and I'm having a hard time narrowing in on a job that I REALLY want (never mind the fact that it's just hard to find a job, period). I was considering going back to school, but I don't really want to do that, it's just something that I feel like I should do if I'm not working. SO now I'm thinking about whether I could be happy and fulfilled being a SAHM. It's a tough decision.
In terms of the rest of your questions, my DH makes enough to support us both. He works in finance, and I'm under his insurance anyway (even when I was working). As for how long I would be a SAHM, that's tough, because we want more than one kid--probably around 3 or 4, so you figure I couldn't really go back to work/school for like a decade. So I could potentially be a SAHM til all the kids are in school, but then how am I going to find a job after being out of the job market for so long? At that point, I would probably have to go back to school.
@bells: it's under DH's. That's the only draw back...his is okay but nothing compared to if I were working (double coverage). One trip to the doctor w/ prescriptions is around $60-100 (I know all insurance is different but that's just an example of moderate insurance coverage)
I am currently expecting in the next 2 months and this has been a huge topic in our family. DH and I make good money about $150k combined, but we also live in a very expensive area. Our mortgage is $2000, our car payment is $450, and I have about $450 in student loans. We then have all the other ult bills electric, gas, cable, cell phones, sewer, water, car insurance. We have two 140 pound dogs, and 3 cats. If I stop working then add another $700 a month on for insurance since DH insurance is awful for family, while I would pay $350 on my insurance, and then we DH monthly commute is about $600 a month.
Daycare is super expensive, from cheapest I found was $1900 a month and that is drop off at 7:30, pick up at 5:30 ( nearly impossible to get there by 5:30). We really have no idea what we are going to do. My salary would cover the cost of daycare and our mortgage, when now I cover the mortgage, car loan, and student loan while DH salary goes to the reset of the bills and daily needs, and his commute, with a little left over to try and put away in savings so we are okay and can get by and not feeling super strapped . If I didn't work it would be tight, DH salary would have to cover ALL the bills, loans and our baby needs and our needs and I just don't think we could get buy on 1 salary. It's sad because like I said we make good money and if we lived someplace cheaper and DH made his salary we could live on that salary very comfortable with me staying at home :(
I'm a WAHM where I'm at home most days, and 2 days a week I have appts out of the house, and I home-school DS in a schedule that fits my schedule. I live near family so I don't have to worry about childcare, and I bring in enough income to supplement the needs that DH doesn't cover with his income.
We hope that here in the next few years I won't have to work at all, but for now DH is new to his trade and looking for something in Ministry.
Now, we don't have car-notes, and we don't eat out alot.... but we make it without feeling a huge strain or stress. Even if things were a little tighter (which I'm sure it may get when LO #2 gets here) it's still worth it to me to be able to be home and home-school DS.
I would love to be a SAHM, it's been my wish since I was little. It's especially because I love children and I would love being a mother, and I couldn't bear not experiencing all of my little one's "first things", and not being there for my kids. My mom was always working when I was little and I missed her a lot. The problem is that I have the potential to make a lot more money than my SO, he is in an industry where he isn't likely to get health insurance from his job, but he could make a decent income after a while... since I'm still young and got into a great paying job right after college, I'm going to try to advance fast and start a side business from home that can start paying me once we have children... I'm hoping to get to 6 figures with my salary and save much of that up... I luckily don't have any loans but he does, and he's struggling to pay them off. If I can manage to work from home then we can work it out with differing schedules and family and no child care... I had a horrible experience with nannies when I was little, and I don't want daycare for my kids, my SO doesn't understand but whatever... if we can make it work we will :)
Thank you ladies for all of your awesome responses - many raised questions I haven't quite gotten around to and also pointed out things I know we could or couldn't do. :) I may revive this post in a year or so. :)
Thanks for bringing this up. I think about it a lot, too.I would love to be a SAHM but not sure if we will be able to swing it financially. FI just quit his job to move out to be with me, so it depends on if he finds a good job out here and what he earns. Living off my income for awhile will be good practice. Day care around here runs about half of what my take home pay is per month - so it might not be worth it for me to put baby in daycare and work if half of my salary is going towards daycare. I always dreamed about being mom and I think it would be my life's greatest job to watch every single new thing my baby does every day. I don't want to miss any of it and it would be so hard for me to put a little 8 week old baby in day care. Crossing my fingers it works out down the road.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 74 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 42 |
| beargoose | 42 |
| akp0702 | 41 |
| Mrs.KMM | 40 |
| ndreighton | 38 |
| stardustintheeyes | 34 |
| BetterSherm | 33 |
| Gemstone | 31 |
| MrsPom | 31 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| roxy821 | 3 |
| joy2011 | 2 |
| bostongirl27 | 2 |
| bunny | 1 |
| hergreenapples | 1 |
| Jenn23 | 1 |
| Gabrielle123 | 1 |
| BayStateBride | 1 |
| totheislnds | 1 |
| shimmerofheaven | 1 |
FI and I aren't TTC yet, but we stumbled upon an interesting conversation. We were talking about my career (which as of right now, I'm unhappy with and am trying to decide on a Graduate program) and my mom asked me "What is it that you WANT to do?" And I couldn't really come up with a solid answer that I am just in LOVE with.
She hit the nail on the head when she said, "I think you want to have babies and be a stay at home mom." And she was right. But I don't *think* we'll ever have the means to make that happen. That leads me to my question... Financially, how do you make it work? And if you don't mind sharing, about how much does your H make? How long were you/are you going to be a SAHM?