SAHMs – do you worry about the future?

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m a SAHM. The only thing I worry about is how I will get back into a career (or start a new one) when our children are older. We plan and save money aggressively, so I don’t really worry about that. We have life insurance, disability insurance, and enough savings to take care of us for a long time if my husband were laid off. In order to do that, we are extremely frugal. As a SAHM, my job is to not only take care of our baby but also do everything possible to reduce our spending and increase our savings. I can pinch a penny until it squeals. It’s worth it to us to live a simpler life in exchange for having a stay-at-home parent and financial peace of mind.

Post # 4
Member
953 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@jasn:  it’s totally natural to worry about such things but I wouldn’t let it bother you at a time when you’re NTNP. There’s a lot of “what ifs” in life and the best thing to do is plan for those possibilities with insurance, financial/estate planning, etc. What if both of you become sick and neither can work? 

Post # 5
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

What sort of skills do you have/what industry are you currently in?

I’m not a SAHM yet, but I already take lots of risks with my employment, just because I find it more satisfying than having a traditional job. I’m a web developer, so sometimes I work with big agencies, sometimes I take on small artsy projects, and sometimes I slow down all my client work if I need the time more than the money (like leading up to the wedding!). My husband is the same way, and in the last 24 months, he’s only been paid 8 of them.

I don’t worry about the what-ifs because I know we don’t require much money to be happy. Even when financial times are good, we save every dollar we can, so we can be free from worrying. There are lots of joys that come from a frugal lifestyle along with the financial security, such as the time we spend together cooking, walking instead of driving, or taking on DIY projects.

When I become a SAHM I’m sure my web development skills will become outdated, but I’m not worried about it because I have lots of interests that could make money if I put some time into it. I make a small amount of money off of a blog that I’ve put very little effort into, and there are always little business ideas that I’d love to persue someday.

It could be hard to get back into the industry you’re in right now, but know that you could create your own future. And save money evey opportunity you can!

Post # 6
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m a SAHM! And I was a little scared to take the step, but I know that it’s what I want more than anything.

My Mother was also a SAHM–and she weathered 18 years of my Dad’s infidelity and pathological lying because she has no way of supporting herself and my siblings without his income (now she’s just waiting out the heart attack that will kill him)

So I’m a little terrified of the future, but not enough to stop me.

Post # 7
Member
2690 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m a SAHM to 4 kids and I really don’t worry too much but I do think about the future, especially college.  With just 1 income, it’s not that easy trying to save money so savings are scant. But we make do.  If anything were to happen to me and dh or to just dh, yes I do think about that, it is scary.  I do have a plan but I hope I never have to set it into place.  i would move back to where my family is and get a J.O.B. LOL.  I have a degree, am a writer and blog often.  I know it would be tough to support 4 kids on my own, but I know my family would help me out until I could get settled.

Post # 8
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@bridalprincess:  If it makes you feel any better, neither one of my parents were able to help me pay for college, but I still went, anyway. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I am a SAHM and I do not worry about tomorrow. I live each day as it comes. (As unorganized as that sounds). My husband has a very stable job and his father owns his own business which might afford me the luxury of not worrying about anything besides today. I am not being boastful. I don’t think I would worry regardless. Everything seems to work out. Sometimes harder…but that’s just life. 

Post # 10
Member
2690 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@mrspinesol:  Thanks… yeah, my parents didn’t help with college either so I know if they want to go, we’ll find a way but my 13 year old son asked me the other day how he’d afford college and I told him his dad and I would do whatever we could to help 🙂

Post # 11
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@bridalprincess:  I used to cry to my dad because I wanted to go to Harvard, and I didn’t think we could afford it. He said that even if he had to work 5 jobs, I’d go to Harvard. I didn’t apply, but if I could have got in, nothing would have stopped me. 

Post # 12
Member
2690 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@mrspinesol:  Awwww, nice dad you got there.  My father pretty much had nothing to do with my college education… lol.  He helped me pay for books once.  Gave me $175 when I really needed it but that was about it as far as college goes.  I want to help my kids alot more BUT I know there are so many other ways out there.  Just happy my 13 year is thinking of college at all LOL.

Post # 13
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Not a mom yet, but in a way, I’m a “stay at home wife.” Let me explain further:

 

I work from home. Specifically, I freelance. I usually have at least two irons in the fire available at all times. In the past, that was doing search engine evaluation work; more often now, it’s freelance writing. Sometimes, the pool does dry up – that’s the nature of this business – but then I look elsewhere. I can earn a reasonable side income – and if I’m putting more effort into it, I can make a full-time income off of it.

It also helps that my husband is in the tech field (freelance coders are all the rage!), so if he were to lose his job tomorrow, he could immediately get back into the fold and make money while earning unemployment.

When I get pregnant, we’ve also agreed to max out his life insurance policy through work. He has a 401K. At that point, if he were to die, his funeral and our house would be paid off. I would have living expenses for maybe 5 – 10 years (depending on if I worked as well during that time or not)…and enough money left over to pursue more training. Essentially, it would give me enough time to get back into the game.

I really do suggest freelancing if it’s at all related to your field. I have flexibility, but I also have something to put on that resume – there won’t be years of gaps.

I love my husband, but I’m aware that I don’t know what the future could bring – maybe we would divorce.

I spent enough years watching the very immature and petty 30+ years of marriage my parents have had. The co-dependence and absurdity of it all belongs in a sitcom. My mom gave up everything, including her desire to get into the medical field, and got married. She’s carried that resentment with her ever since and apparently always regretted being a housewife and a stay-at-home mom. Of course, that woman’s got other problems to explain her behavior, and not just lost dreams.

I do think though that she would have been much happier – he would as well – if they had divorced early on. If she had her own income, I think she would have done it. I still laugh when I hear she’s threatened my dad with, “I’m going to leave you and go live with my aunt and she’ll take care of me!” O.O

So, I don’t know if I’d ever be willing to permanently stop working in some capacity for any stretch of time – if it’s in my control, of course. I’ve been unemployed in the past.

But I like the security of knowing, even if I’m only freelancing a few hours a week, I am still actively WORKING.

 

Post # 14
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am not married yet and would love to be a SAHM, but seeing what my sisters and their friends have been through, makes me think twice.

My oldest sister is 13 years older than me so I will use her as the example.  She’s been married just over 10 years.  She has kids, but she’s always worked.  Many of her friends are SAHMs and have been trying for some time to get back into the workforce and are finding it very difficult.

It’s not just the problem of wanting hours that are 9-2 with weekends and summers off (I don’t know of a job anywhere with those hours), but explaining to employers what they have been doing with all that time off to keep up their skills to make them valuable in the work force.  For example, said sister’s best friend was in banking before she quit to stay home.  She had a pretty high up position, but now has no recent experience, and is competing with people that have recently got laid off with similar recent experience.  Or, she has found applying for a job that she’s over qualified for, she’s competing with recent college graduates that will take a lower salary to get their foot in the door.

One of my sister’s friend’s husband left her a few months ago.  She too is a SAHM and is freaking out because she doesn’t even have a degree.  She got a job at Starbuck’s but it’s not enough.  Her ex has been slow with child support too so that doesn’t help.  She never saw it coming; they’ve already had to sell their house and she really is in a bad spot.

I also see the area I live in is rather expensive, so I also wonder how women can afford to stay home?  I think in this day and age you need 2 incomes, at least by me.  I really don’t think I could afford to stay home.

Post # 15
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@bridalprincess:  that’s exactly how my mom is. I think she’s given me $200 total in my entire life. 

Post # 16
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@jasn:  I’m not a SAHM but thats one of the reasons why I wouldnt be. My sister is a SAHM with 5 kids and she has no experience in the workforce, never finished college, nothing. When her husband was unemployed they had no choice but to move in with my parents. Its really scary to think about the position that her and the kids would be in if god forbid anything happened to her husband. I really hope my BIL has an amazing life insurance policy.

I think a much better way of handling it would be a constant or semi-constant part time job, freelancing or opening your own business… but i wouldn’t want  to be in the situation where if i NEEDED a full time job because it was up to me to make money to feed my kids, but the only place that would hire me would be walmart.

Granted it depends on your debt load, monthly expenses, savings, etc but its not a situation i would want to be in. I would like to one day be able to work part time but thats the farthest i’d go. I don’t want all my work and education to be worthless because i didn’t keep up with it.

 

 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors