SAHM's that live close to your MIL *LONG*

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m nowhere near being a stay at home mom but my inlaws in general show up at awkward times DH and I currently live with his aunt, so we can’t control when she asks them to come over (which is too often for our liking) and even though we see them for dinner almost every Sunday they still show up randomly and call a lot.  It drives me crazy, especially as Sunday has become the only day that any of my friends ever has time to spend with me, and I always have to cut it short for my inlaws.

They have 4 more kids, one of whom works 2 jobs right now. Since we live much closer to his work than they do, he shows up at random times of the night and day when he finishes his shifts and tries to get us to give him rides. Yesterday he woke us up by knocking onour bedroom door, asking for a ride. What if we had been having sex? Later the ENTIRE family showed up with no warning, asking to use our computer. Again, what if we had been wanting privacy?

Post # 3
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I feel your pain. I am on Mat leave right now and they are always wanting to come by or stopping by or texting or calling. I wish I didn’t have a cell phone so I wouldn’t be so accessable. To make it worse if I don’t respond because I am busy or my phone is on silent I promptly get a text or voice mail asking me to reply right away.

As time goes on it is getting easier to stand up for myself but aslo very hard with such pushy inlaws. Once you have the baby your momma bear will come out a bit. And I hope that makes it easier for you.

Post # 4
Member
2227 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m sorry you are going through this. I could not even imagine my IL living so close. They are 2+ hours away. My mom is one mile away and I love it. ☺️

Sit down with DH first and talk about the issue at hand. Write down a list of examples like you did above. Keep emotion out and just state facts. Devise a plan of what you think would be reasonble. He needs to back you up on this. That is very important. Get together with her and DH to discuss the issues. Use a compliment sandwich: “we are so lucky that you live close by, you are in my face too much but I am happy you want to have a good relationship with me. ” It won’t be fun but you need to do this before the baby comes because that will amplify everything. Good luck! Be strong!

Post # 5
Member
6067 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

You have every right to have your space. I suggest you start setting boundaries now- you can do it in a polite, yet firm way. You can say, “I appreciate such and such, but I’m (tired, busy, etc).”

If you don’t set boundaries now, it will keep getting worse after the baby’s born.

Also, make sure your DH will back you up if need be.

My MIL doesn’t call all the time, but she does make comments sometimes about not seeing us enough if we don’t stop by as regularly as she’d like. We just ignore it and keep visiting whenever it’s convenient for us. I think the fact that DH and I are on the same page about boundaries really helps.

Post # 8
Member
6067 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

MrsMagillToBe:  Maybe you could stop answering the phone when she calls and don’t respond to texts as a start. Also, if she stops by unexpectedly, you could let her know you’re sorry but it’s not a good time or you have other plans. If she is ignoring your statements, then you have to take it to the next step of not engaging at all.

Post # 10
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am a SAHM and my MIL lives about 10 minutes away.  I make a point to visit her with my daughter about once every 10 days or so.  We FB message every other day and I email her pictures 2 times a week or so.  She always calls first if she wants to come over (about once a month).  I think you need to set some boundaries with your MIL.

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