Post # 1
My cousin replied to our save the dates saying she wouldn’t be able to make it to our wedding, and I’m wondering if I should still send her an invitation. I know there are tons of threads about this already, but here is why I’m asking:
- We’re not close. She’s about 14 years older than me, and I didn’t even know she existed until 11 years ago (lots of family background there). Even since meeting her, I can count the actual times we’ve seen each other on one hand. I don’t think she would keep my invitation for any sentimental reasons.
- Circumstances won’t change. She and her husband have 2 older children, and run their own company, so they usually have their year planned out in advance.
I know this question’s been asked a hundred times, but I’m looking for some insight for my situation. I’m a huge people pleaser, and I don’t want to come off as rude for either forgetting to send her one or rude for seemingly ignoring her original message.
Post # 3
Yes, you still send the invitation. STDs aren’t invitations, they are just a heads-up. She can’t decline something she hasn’t actually been invited to [yet].
Post # 4
She said she can’t attend, so I wouldn’t send an invite.
It’s not like she can attend and you no longer want to invite her or something!
Post # 5
I actually wouldn’t bother…
Post # 6
@pocketfox: I would still send the invite. I am going through a similar situation as you and decided that it wouldn’t hurt anyone to send an invite, plans can change.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
If she already gave her answer, it’s kind of redundant to send her an invite. Not everyone knows the intent of a StD because they’re kind of a new thing, nor do they know the reason for them – they assume they are supposed to give you an answer once they get it. So, I assume that’s what she did. I’d just ride on her understanding that she was supposed to give you an answer now, and take that as her official RSVP.
Post # 8
She already replied to your STD. I’m guessing she did this to save you from sending her an invite, otherwise she would have just RSVP’d “no” when she got the invite. I wouldn’t bother sending her an invite.
Post # 9
Yes, send an invite. It’s not like she’s uninvited now just because she gave information early. I’d rather offend her by being overly nice and letting them know they are still invited IF things do change than to offend by rescinding the invitation because they said no to a save the date.
Post # 10
Just to add, our StDs do look like you should respond. We used Paperless Post to send them virtually, and after the card, there’s a portion for people to send us a personal message, if they choose. We’ve actually had about 10 people tell us their coming through that, and 2 of my co-workers asking if they needed to reply to it. Obviously, for those people we’re still sending invites.
Post # 11
Yes, still send an invitation. You really never know when something could occur that would change their minds. How would you feel if she tells you 6 weeks before your wedding, “Good news! We can come after all!” Do NOT treat a decline from a STD and carved in stone.
Post # 12
Propably not “proper” but I would still send her an invite with a personal note included that says you know they are unable to make it, they will be missed, no need to RSVP unless plans have changed and of course the invite is still open if their plans shifted. I think it covers all sides – sending the invite, but not ignoring the response you already received.
Post # 13
We had a couple of people let us know that they wouldn’t be able to make it after we sent STDs. We still sent them invites, but included a covering note acknowledging their previous reply and letting them know that the invite was just in case their plans had changed.
Post # 14
Yikes – tough one. I know that when a friend asked for my address to send me an invite to her wedding and I knew I had plans that would preclude me from attending, I told her so up front so that she could save that spot on her guest list for someone else. I never received an invite, and my feelings weren’t hurt.
Post # 15
@pocketfox: I would err on the side of sending an invitation, in case something does change, or just so she feels included and gets to look at the pretty paper. However, the fact that she maybe thought she already RSVPed does complicate matters – if you do send her the invite, and she doesn’t respond I think you can safely assume its a no without following up.
Post # 16
@pocketfox: I think it would be acceptable either way considering your circumstances, but I voted for you to send her an invite anyway. First of all, that was kind of strange for her to decline once she got the save the date, but perhaps she didn’t quite understand that it wasn’t an invite, since save the dates are a fairly new thing. Secondly, if she can’t come she should still give you a small gift and the invite kind of prompts her to do that. Some people we invited who couldn’t make it to the wedding still sent a gift. Some didn’t but I think its still nice to send an invite.