Said No to Save the Date, should I still send an invitation?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I send an invitation?
    Yes, she got a StD, she gets an invite! : (48 votes)
    42 %
    No, she told you she can't make it, don't bother the lady! : (66 votes)
    58 %
  • Post # 3
    Hostess
    8680 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Yes, you still send the invitation. STDs aren’t invitations, they are just a heads-up. She can’t decline something she hasn’t actually been invited to [yet].

    Post # 4
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    She said she can’t attend, so I wouldn’t send an invite.

    It’s not like she can attend and you no longer want to invite her or something!

    Post # 5
    Member
    525 posts
    Busy bee

    I actually wouldn’t bother…

    Post # 6
    Member
    147 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @pocketfox:  I would still send the invite.  I am going through a similar situation as you and decided that it wouldn’t hurt anyone to send an invite, plans can change.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1822 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    If she already gave her answer, it’s kind of redundant to send her an invite. Not everyone knows the intent of a StD because they’re kind of a new thing, nor do they know the reason for them – they assume they are supposed to give you an answer once they get it. So, I assume that’s what she did. I’d just ride on her understanding that she was supposed to give you an answer now, and take that as her official RSVP.

    Post # 8
    Member
    6048 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    She already replied to your STD.  I’m guessing she did this to save you from sending her an invite, otherwise she would have just RSVP’d “no” when she got the invite.  I wouldn’t bother sending her an invite.  

    Post # 9
    Member
    2358 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Yes, send an invite. It’s not like she’s uninvited now just because she gave information early. I’d rather offend her by being overly nice and letting them know they are still invited IF things do change than to offend by rescinding the invitation because they said no to a save the date.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1793 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Yes, still send an invitation.  You really never know when something could occur that would change their minds.  How would you feel if she tells  you 6 weeks before your wedding, “Good news!  We can come after all!”  Do NOT treat a decline from a STD and carved in stone.

    Post # 12
    Member
    112 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Propably not “proper” but I would still send her an invite with a personal note included that says you know they are unable to make it, they will be missed, no need to RSVP unless plans have changed and of course the invite is still open if their plans shifted.  I think it covers all sides – sending the invite, but not ignoring the response you already received.

    Post # 13
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @yandz:  +1

     

    We had a couple of people let us know that they wouldn’t be able to make it after we sent STDs. We still sent them invites, but included a covering note acknowledging their previous reply and letting them know that the invite was just in case their plans had changed. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    405 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Yikes – tough one. I know that when a friend asked for my address to send me an invite to her wedding and I knew I had plans that would preclude me from attending, I told her so up front so that she could save that spot on her guest list for someone else. I never received an invite, and my feelings weren’t hurt.

    Post # 15
    Member
    804 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @pocketfox:  I would err on the side of sending an invitation, in case something does change, or just so she feels included and gets to look at the pretty paper.  However, the fact that she maybe thought she already RSVPed does complicate matters – if you do send her the invite, and she doesn’t respond I think you can safely assume its a no without following up.

    Post # 16
    Member
    151 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @pocketfox:  I think it would be acceptable either way considering your circumstances, but I voted for you to send her an invite anyway.  First of all, that was kind of strange for her to decline once she got the save the date, but perhaps she didn’t quite understand that it wasn’t an invite, since save the dates are a fairly new thing.  Secondly, if she can’t come she should still give you a small gift and the invite kind of prompts her to do that.  Some people we invited who couldn’t make it to the wedding still sent a gift.  Some didn’t but I think its still nice to send an invite.

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