Post # 1
Not even sure how to express my sadness and frustration with finding out over Thanksgiving that Mr. Pockets cousin has gotten engaged and decided to have their wedding day the same as ours. That’s right.
Outside of the obvious faux paus I’m most hurt that the future mother in law never told that side of the family what our wedding date was! So everyone’s mad.
Trying to remain calm and peaceful…
Post # 3
That’s awful! Are you sure they’re really setting a date, or is there a chance that could change when they start venue shopping?
Post # 4
@LuLuLucky: Date twin!!
thats so annoying, is it confirmed?
Post # 5
They officially will not change their date. The “compromise” is that they moved their wedding up earlier so that family members could go to both ceremonies and then end with our reception (ours is a dinner, the other just cake and punch).
It’s so stupid. My feelings are hurt because his mom didn’t say anything to anyone on that side of the family about our wedding meanwhile telling me that really no one from that side would come anyway. Apparently, that side doesn’t care about weddings and never goes but now she’s excited because “maybe this will wake up that whole side and they’ll just make it a day of weddings!”
My parents and I planned a wedding based on the fact that only a few people from that side would come (because that’s what FMIL told me to do). NOW, she thinks that family will be more likely to come (the family that doesn’t bring gifts & apparently texts during the ceremony).
I feel odd and conflicted because on one hand I’m upset about the double booked wedding but realize my feelings were more upset b/c FMIL didn’t care enough to tell anyone about her son getting married. On the other hand I’m now upset because she’s going on a crusade to try and get that family side to COME when we based the guest list on those people not coming (there’s like 100 people on that side, no exaggeration: 13 kids) so their attendance boots out the friends and co-workers that Mr. Pockets and I wanted to invite.
Ultimately, I think my feelings are just hurt.
Post # 6
Awww, I’m sorry. 🙁 This is such a weird situation and you have every right to have your feelings hurt! Would you be able to talk to your FMIL and tell her how you feel (or have your fiance talk to his mother for you?)
Post # 7
Don’t invite that side of the family then. I doubt they’ll want to attend 2 weddings in a day, that could be exhausting!
It really sucks that they’d make their wedding the same day as yours! Terribly rude. Fingers crossed that all the venues are booked for that day!
Post # 8
@LuLuLucky: i would be very upset too! someones wedding day is very important to them, if you planned your wedding that day first, they should quickly change their date. as for the FMIL thing, it would hurt me too that she didn’t tell anyone, maybe you should discuss it with her. Also if she isn’t paying for the wedding she shouldn’t get to much say in who you invite. If you don’t want to invite those 100 people from his family then don’t! I am not inviting anyone from my extended family, and my fiance told his mother we weren’t inviting her entire family and all her friends simply because she wants them there.
Post # 9
It sounds like the other couple is “using” your reception as their own. Is the other bride going to show up in a white dress? Demand a first dance?
i would tell your FMIL that sorry, that side of the family has made their choice and that’s it. Your FI should also be involved in this.
Post # 10
@PinkPinstripes: That was my thought too! Call me petty, but I would be some P****** off if anyone at my wedding reception so much as mentioned in a toast or speech about the other couple. I can already see how people will be spending just as much time congratulating them as the OP. I’m not one to agree with “owning” the week or month of your marriage, but i do think that that day belongs to the couple.
OP, is your FI’s cousin invited to your wedding? I assume you won’t be attending theirs as you’ll be busy preparing for your own?
Post # 11
@LuLuLucky: this sucks. i agree with pp. i think they are trying to use your reception as theirs too.
i would still only invite the guests that you want and not feel obligated to invite all of their guests. plan your wedding the way you want it and don’t worry about the other wedding.
were you going to invite the fi’s cousin to your wedding initially?
Post # 12
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
That is very rude…but, are FI’s cousin and that side of the family already invited to your wedding (received save-the-dates/invites)? If they are not invited, then they cannot just crash your party. The only way I can really see tandem wedding work is if both couples plan it that way from the get-go…ugh, I’m so sorry you’re going thrugh this!
Post # 13
I would be inclined not to invite anyone attending cousin’s family. They are trying to use your reception. Hopefully FDH understands. I wouldnt care if they got STDs, I would just say, sorry we heard you had another wedding that day.
Post # 14
So does your FI not really want that side of the family there anyway? It sounds like you weren’t planning on them being there to begin with. Have you sent them STDs? If your FI isn’t really wanting or caring if they are there anyway then I would consider not inviting them and telling them you are trying to keep it smaller with just closer family and friends.
And I’m sorry, that’s definitely rude!
Post # 15
kes, I would agree that 999 times out of 1000, if you send a STD, you must send an invite. This would be an exception. Its clear that FI cousin wants to hijack OPs wedding reception. I would not invite any of FI cousins, and FI should make it clear to his family that only people coming to ceremony are welcome at reception.
Post # 16
Thanks for the responses.
We were never going to send STD’s (trying to save $$) and told FMIL that we WEREN’T so to please get the word out. Her response to that was to tell us we should put STD’s in her christmas cards (which she sent out and conveniently SEALED all the envelopes before we gave her the insert she requested. This all happened in the same week we found out cousin booked the same day).
@SeaSalt & @mypinkshoes: Cousin who is having the wedding the same day would most definitely be invited.
@kes18: FI was hoping that the family would make a showing. He is the kind of guy who wants healing of family drama and wanted our wedding to be a fun day for everyone. So all of that family was/is to be invited but the reality of them showing is slim.
Today was actually the first day I met people from that side (a baby shower). His aunt (the other groom’s mom) and the “other bride” were there. If there’s ever a moment in life to be the epitome of awkward that was TODAY. At least they didn’t say anythign to me and only talked to FI, even if the comments were weird like: “I guess we’re wedding twins.” and “Look at it this way, you get to share an anniversary!” #wtf