(Closed) Same family issues with an update….need advice

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Borrowing out money to friends and family rarely ends well.  You are not responsible for his lack of responsibility in regards to his bills.  If you do end up allowing him to borrow the money, then give with the idea that it may never be returned.

I wouldn’t rush him into a marriage with someone he may not want to be married to.  It’s never a good idea to get married just because you think you have to.  But I have to add that in some states an unmarried father has no right to visitation with the child absent permission from the mother or a court order.

It does sound like he has some major problems that need to be dealt with immediately and definitely before the new baby is born.  Since I don’t know what those problems are I really cannot make any recommendations in regards to how to solve them.  You all should continue to provide emotional support but it seems that the financial support is only allowing him to continue to live his downward spiraling lifestyle.

Everyone involved needs to take a step back and assess their role in enabling him in that lifestyle.  Maybe the rest of the family should look into family counseling to see if there is anything else you all could provide him with (other than money) since at the very least he doesn’t seem to know how to properly manage money.

Post # 4
1775 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

1. You guys are best to stay out of it.

2. I wouldn’t give him any money.  He is an adult.  FIL needed money and we begrudgingly loaned him money.  He has defaulted, and I am seriously resentful.  Don’t know how it will turn out, but not well.  

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