Post # 1
It seems like my DH and I have the same fight over and over again. He is such a great man but I always tell him that I need more TLC. He is not the romantic type and I need that really bad sometimes. 🙁
I dont know what else to tell him or how to say so that he doesnt take it as an insult.
Do any of you have the same fight over and over again about the same thing?
Post # 3
You need to find a different way to get your point across, and he needs to find different ways to show romance even if it’s not his first nature. Just fighting over it will never change anything— as the saying goes, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.
Make sure when he does a small, romantic or affectionate thing, you tell him how much you like it, and why you like it. Give lots of appreciation, don’t let his kindnesses go unnoticed!
And ask him what he does for you every day out of love and affection. The answers may surprise you. For me, it’s laundry and grocery-hauling. I never asked my Mr to do those things, and I sure don’t consider them textbook romance, but one day he told me that he will always carry the groceries in “because my woman shouldn’t be carrying heavy groceries!” And I absolutely love that. It’s not chocolate or flowers but it’s something he means, from his heart, and to me that’s deeply romantic. Perhaps your husband is already doing something like that, because your his woman and he likes to spoil you, but he’s just doing it “like a man” meaning you don’t realise it’s meant to be romantic!
Post # 4
@fishbone: I get you and thank you for the advice. That is just it, I always tell him how much I appreciate him and I do apprecaite all the little things he does but as a woman I have needs and when I say romance, I guess I mean foreplay. When I tell him, can you do this for and that, he gets upset and thinks I am telling him what to do. No matter how nice or sweet I try to be or make the first move, it just turns out bad. I hate to complain about him because he is so good to me aside from that department. We have sex often but you know we woman, we want the foreplay before to last longer then a few minutes. 🙁
Post # 5
Maybe this will help – The 5 Love Languages. It’s actually a book, but this page provides a snippet of what the book is about. In essence, everyone has a different way of showing affection and a different way of being satisfied and feeling loved.
Post # 6
Both of you should read the book “The 5 Love Languages.” It’ll help you both understand how/why certain things are important to each of you, such as touch, words, actions, etc. It’ll help you both learn to get on the same page and do things to/for each other that are more meaningful.
ETA: I must have been typing at the same time as the PP above! =o) Check it out, though.
Post # 7
yes, My ex-husband and I had this fight for MONTHS…..
me: what would you like for dinner?him: hmmmm. I don’t know.me: how about chicken?him: we had chicken Tuesdayme: what about pizza?him: I had pizza for lunch.me: what about pork chops?him: that doens’t sound very goodme: well, then what would you like?him: I dunno. whatever.me: aaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh
one day I realized I was doing WAY too much work asking what he wanted. So, I STOPPED asking. Most liberating moment of my life. I fixed grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for a week straight. We both learned our lesson. After that I fixed WHATEVER. I. WANTED. one day he said “I really like your lasagna. Would you make that? Guess what he got the next day? Lasagna.
I think sometimes ASKING them to remember is too much. If you want more TLC, just get on the couch and put your feet right in his lap. Or say “I’d love a backrub before I fix dinner”.
Also – does he KNOW what “TLC” means? Because, honestly…. I don’t. Do you mean more kissing? handholding? opening doors for you? compliments? foreplay? Sometimes you have to SPECIFICALLY tell him what you want. In detail…..”I would love it if you would open the door for me”.
I also 2nd reading “The 5 Love Languages”. it sounds like you just have 2 different languages. So, you’ll either need to learn each other’s language….. or learn how to translate.
A friend of mine used to translate “a dozen rozes”. That was what she wanted. little gifts. but her SO didn’t get it. So, she was able to quit her job and be a SAHM mom. When she would turn on the lights, she would *translate* that’s HIS dozen rozes. Providing. When she would go to the store and buy groceries without having to clip coupons or pinch pennies she would translate “and here is my surprise diamond necklace” making sure there is enough so we don’t go without.
it worked for them. find what works for you.
Post # 8
@lilbluebird: i was just going to suggest this.
@Mrs.Jansen: 5 love languages is a great book to read and i would suggest that you both read it. it really does open your eyes to how your partner may be thinking and how their needs may be different to yours.
luckily my husband and i speak the same language.
Post # 9
Thank you ladies, I read it to see if it would help but he wont read it. He told me once that when he was growing up, he never once saw his dad kiss his mom or tell her her loved her. He grew with very little affection and I guess that can be a reason but you would think he would work on it. Eventually his mother ended up cheating on his dad because of it. They got back together but not for love but for convenience.
I have tried each of those languages of love to see which one would make him happier but I guess there is only so much I can do if he wont meet me half way. I feel so guilty for even talking about this but I feel like here I can spill my heart and not get judged. I dont want to be without him so I hope that we can work it out. I always try to look my best for him, wear things he likes and do things he likes to see if it will help but no cigar. I guess I should just accept that this is the man I married.
Aside from this, I can honestly say that we live a really good and happy life until I start feeling the need for some loving. I am not sure if anyone can understand where I am coming from.
Post # 10
@3xaCharm: He knows just want I want. I want foreplay, making out and kissing, I want to hear him say sweet nothings to me. The times I do ask in a sweet way if can I have a kiss just the way I like it, he kisses me for a few seconds and thats it. When we have sex, its good. We both enjoy it but sometimes I just want the foreplay before hand.
I have the best orgasms when we kiss and have foreplay before hand. I just ach for more of that. Maybe I should just drop the subject and accept things the way they are.
Aside from this, he is great. Helps me around the house, opens doors, takes me out on dates, and we cuddle every night before bed. We can be in the same room for hours and not be bore. I just sometimes sit in that room and my mind starts to think, if only he would come here and just kiss me like I yearn to be kissed. I am not a bee to keep things in because I know what I want and need.