- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
So, I’m fresh off of feeling awful from my latest issues, and I suppose I need a mixture of advice/balm to help me stop feeling awful?
My sister closest in age to me, who has been helping right from the get go, used to have a variety of behavioral issues growing up (over a decade worth of strife), and the last few years have been better. I made her my Maid of Honor out of a mixture of her helping me so much, her being so close to me (we’ve moved several times, so she was always there), and her mentioning to my mother how she wanted to be the “witness” signature. Everything seemed fine until she and I took an impromptu three day trip for fun, and on returning she seemed almost reverted to what she used to be. She was angry, jealous, etc. (to everyone, not just me), and it ended in her creating a very odd story in her mind (with three witnesses there to say, “That didn’t happen like that…”) and her announcing, “I won’t be your maid of honor. I’ve thought about it for months; I just don’t support you.”
Now, I’m sure if I was reading a post like this, I would say, “Your sister needs help and this isn’t the time for her to be Maid/Matron of Honor.” However, my sister had behavioral issues when she was younger, not a personality disorder or something. She made progress, she’s been healthy and stable for years, and I’ve been engaged well over six months and she’s been very involved, etc. (though never stressful; none of us is “constantly planning.” We’re not those kind of people). I’m sure it could a mixture of things she’s personally going through, etc… but it doesn’t detract from the hurt, or the extreme fear that this wedding may result in her “going back” to old ways (let’s just say, I never had a birthday party growing up because it was “too much” for my sister, every large event in the family was colored by her demanding attention in borderline destructive ways, and who was so unable to handle other people getting attention, she literally broke one of my fingers at one point growing up).
I suppose–has anyone had any experience with such a rough time with family bridal party issues? I certainly have issues with other members of my bridal party (one is the equivalent of Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off–always sick, unaccountable, etc., but is my oldest friend; the other seems to appear to “help” only when it’s convenient, while I seem to be doing more/supporting them for their jobs/organizations), which is no less rough… but they’re not family. Family seems to be a whole different ballgame.