Post # 1
BFF has been helping me with wedding planning, but she and her GF have been together for ages and a few days ago we got to talking about marriage, and she confided in me that she’s sad that they can’t legally get married. She has in no way shape or form ever made me feel guilty for planning my wedding, she’s actually the most supportive/excited out of all my friends, but now I just don’t want to plan my wedding anymore. I don’t want to get married if she can’t. It’s not that I don’t want to get married at all; I’m just having a hard time getting excited about it now.
Do you guys have any suggestions? What have you all done if your state/country doesn’t support equal rights for everyone? And how can I get involved in trying to make gay marriage legal in my state? I don’t really understand politics, but I want to help make a difference. The only problem is we live in SC and I know getting marriage equality here will be a very tough battle.
Post # 2
Honestly I’m not sure how to get involved, but take heart in the fact that it has been steadily spreading, and I really believe it’s no longer a matter of “if,” but when. Personally I’m torn on where I will hold my ceremony because although we’ve made some great strides, it’s not quite legal yet in either my current state or my home state.
She’s lucky to have such a supportive friend. Please don’t feel bad about getting married! You should still plan your wedding happily – and try to resist the urge to keep your friend from the planning on the basis that it might make her feel bad. If she’s excited for you, keep that excitement going. It’s hard now, but someday it will be her turn – if you can keep that optimism, so will she.
Post # 3
axia08: Send her to Minnesota! We’ll let her get married!!! I’m sure there must be some gay activists in your area so you could rally the troops. You could see how other states got it passed. Did I mention Minnesota??
Post # 4
- Wedding: December 2014 - Temple Beth Am/Love is Blind
axia08: It is definitely and when, not and if at this point, so that’s the good news. I am in Florida and we are currently seeing the issue go up the courts, which is thrilling (and about time!). We actually have an amendment defining marriage, which disgusts me, and I am counting down the seconds until it is repealed. It’s been hard for me to plan a wedding knowing that so many loving couples can’t, so do your part to voice your opinion and vote when the time comes. Soon you will be helping her plan her wedding, don’t doubt that!
Post # 5
Look into local LGBT groups, they should be able to tell you where to sign petitions or who to write letters too. Use your vote in November. Support politicans who support equality, every vote counts. Even if the person who you would prefer does not win, it still sends a message and you might help someone down ticket who supports your views win.
Post # 6
The good news is, a lot of state constitutions pertaining to same sex marriage are being overturned as unconstitutional. So it isn’t so much a matter of if a state recongnizes same sex marriage, but it’s when. I live in Oklahoma, one of the most anti-gay states I have ever seen. Recently, their state constitution has been deemed unconstitutional and is currently in the works through the supreme court. So, we’ll eventually have to recongnize same sex marriage, but who knows when it will actually get through the supreme court. Fear not! Your state will come around eventally.
As for how to help, I suppose you could support rallies and protests for same-sex marriages in your state (They can go under a varity of names) but will sometimes be called “National Equality Rallies” or something of the sort. Just being there is a huge step forward in the right direction. You can see if there are equality groups in your area — Sometimes they get together to hand out information, or write state figureheads, or try to get information out before an election, stuff like that. You can also engage people who you meet who feel they are against eqality, but it’s a slippery slope and you need to approach it with grace and elegance. Speaking your mind in an educated, well thought out, less emotional (“But my friend is gay and she’s great!!”) manner is a good way to START to try to change somebody’s mind.<br /><br />Never SET OUT to change someone’s mind, instead you want to plant the little seed of, “Huh. Gay people getting married really doesn’t effect me in any way… so why am I against it?/Why is it illegal?”<br /><br />You’re a good friend. Don’t beat yourself up about getting married and you’re lucky to have a wonderful, supportive friend. The best you can do is be just as supportive back to her. One day, when equality is real and set in your state, you can help her plan her wedding.
Post # 7
RedHeadKel: My FIL is writing a book on how marriage equality got passed in Iowa. It is really is interesting how every bit counts. How years of laws going back to the start of the state changes things, how children changed the equassion, and how people can really make a difference.
Post # 8
Check your local college and see if they have a Gay-Straight Alliance club. A good number of my college friends were involved at both community college and university. When marriage equality passed in New York it was a good day.
I am very proud of New York for passing their marriage equality act, but in rural areas it was just as unpopular as it is in places like SC and OK when it passed in 2011. By the time the legislation came through, many resistors just didn’t want it to hear about it any more. There were many vocal groups who wore them down. Making a lot of constant noise can work wonders. If you leave their precious churches alone, a lot of people are more open to the “civil union” end of things. One of our local news anchors came out after the ruling and the station ended up airing footage from his wedding. I was worried about how our community was going to respond, but aside from some “sissy” comments from some old timers, it worked out for them.
Even if you don’t know the politics, it is always a good time to help out the fight for equality, even if it’s just hanging posters and attending events.
Post # 9
axia08: your BFF should come have a destination wedding here in DC! I am surrounded by happily married LGBT couples. 🙂
Post # 10
axia08: All the LGBT couples I know have a domestic destination wedding, and therefore ARE legally married.
Post # 11
damarajade: I was under the impression that it’s only legal in the states that recognize it, so it still wouldn’t be legal in SC?
Alyx19: Hyperventilate: Thank you for the advice!! I will def get involved! I live in a college town and I know there are support groups on campus, so I’ve already got a bunch of people here to help 🙂
nightborn: RedHeadKel: hahaha my other BFF said that he’s moving to Seattle to get married when he finds Mr Right so he’s trying to talk her into that lol but I will tell her about the other lovely options 🙂
Misswhowedding: That’s really cool! I would like to read it 🙂
LadyCapricorn: MiamiMavencita: Thank you for the encouragement you guys <3 Me, FI, BFF and her SO had a brunch date this morning and when FI and her SO went off to chat she immediately pulled out her phone and showed me the ring she picked out for her totally soon to be FI. I am already planning their engagement party hahaha
Post # 12
axia08: It would be legal, but whethe or not the state recognizes it is under debate. However, I believe the country still recognizes it. I would inquire with a local LGBT community/organization. I’m sure they would know more.
Post # 14
Vote on November 4 th. Do more than vote for federal offices, study your state races and vote for those who support equality.
If everyone voted in the smaller races, the midterms and the local elections, things would change a lot faster. Pay attention to your governor and legislators (state House and Senators) because legislators make the laws and governors can veto them.
Post # 15
Tinatiny1: THIS. Vote. Get others out to vote. Work on a campaign for the candidate whose views most closely align to yours. Get involved and get others involved.