Post # 1
Two different things.
One- save the dates. I’m having a short engagement, we are getting married in may 2013 intimate wedding with only close family. Roughly 45 guests including bridal party, do I really need to send save the dates?
Next, my FIs groomsmans girlfriend and I hate each other, my Fiance doesn’t like her, she and I have gotten into verbal and almost physical altercations. I’ve tried to be friendly since Fiance and her boyfriend are obviously friends, even went as far as to ask if her daughter would like the be a flower girl. (Which she ignored and still hasn’t responded, I have since asked Fiance to tell groomsman that we are no longer having a flower girl because I feel it was extremely rude to give no response at all) I want to not invite her the only reason I was semi ok with her coming is because her daughter was possibly going to be in the bridal party and I was hoping it could be a way to bury the hatchet but obviously not. Can I just not invite her or since she and groomsman live together I have to?
Post # 3
@JesC: I would say you don’t need save the dates. It’s up to you really. I’m getting married in June, and have been planning my 300 person wedding since May, and I am not doing save the dates. It was just an additional expense that I felt wasn’t needed.
With respect to the girlfriend, if she and the groomsman live together, you need to invite her. But based on your post, I would be surprised if she would attend. Which would be a win-win for you. You look like the bigger person by extending the olive branch, and she won’t be at the event based on her own choice.
Post # 4
1. STD’s aren’t a requirement for anyone, and in your case I personally feel like they’re extraneous.
2. Unfortunately, if the Groomsmen and the GFFH (girlfriend from hell) are living together as a couple, you must also invite her. Maybe she’ll do you a favor and not show?
Post # 5
Definitely don’t need Save-The-Date Cards. However, you really need to invite the Girlfriend. It would be very rude not to and your FI’s friend would most likely be very upset, if not decline all together. I wouldn’t want to put him in a position of having to choose between his friend and girlfriend.
Post # 6
No to the STD’s, yes to the girlfriend being invited.
Post # 7
I think you’re fine without sending Save-The-Date Cards but unfortunately I do think you have to invite the Girlfriend.
Post # 8
1. No HAS to send save the dates. I wouldn’t bother.
2. I know you hate her, and it sounds like the feeling is mutual, but I always wonder when I read these posts how the OP would feel if someone wanted to invite THEIR better half to what is basically an all day and night affair, and not invite them. I would expect my Fiance to turn down such an invitation, and knowing him, he would without even discussing me. We are a couple, and though we do have separate lives, when it comes to social invitations, we go together or not at all. (That’s not to say if one of us feels il, or have to work that the other doesn’t go.)
Post # 9
Initially I wasn’t going to do STD either, but I’m having a Destination Wedding, so thought I should give people a heads up to book hotels, etc. But if its local, I don’t think you have to.
For the Girlfriend, that’s a toughie. I would say do what you want. But it also might cause conflict between your Fiance and his friend. If you can handle her being there without her being a distraction, then just invite her and see if she even shows up. I would let your bridal party or any one else know the situation with you two, so that way if she starts to act up or cause drama, she can get thrown out immediatley.
Post # 10
@MrsMermaid: thank you for your reply. I am hoping she doesn’t come as well, Fiance thinks that since she has 2 children and its immediate family children only she will have to stay home. Lets hope. 🙂
Post # 11
@SeaSalt: I didn’t even think of it that way. Thank you for that prospective. You’re right.
Post # 12
I agree, be the bigger person in the situation.
Post # 13
I agree with PP. I wouldn’t do the Save-The-Date Cards and I would invite the Girlfriend. Hopefully she won’t show…but at least you took the high road. Not inviting her would just cause more drama.
Post # 14
@JesC: Good luck.
Honestly, I expect you’ll be so excited, you won’t even notice she’s there. 🙂
Post # 15
Save The Dates are a relatively NEW thing on the “stationery scene”
From a point of Etiquette they are not required… and in many cases they can actually “cause issues” (as a lot of times Brides send them out BEFORE they’ve actually sat down and worked out all the details in regards to Venues, and Costs etc). Retracting a STD is ALWAYS awkward.
For a small Wedding, I don’t see any need to pursue this idea whatsoever (they can come in handy tho if one is planning to have a Destination Wedding and wanting to give their Guests a heads-up in regards to Dates & Locations)
As for the Groomsman Girlfriend…
Typically, Members of the Bridal Party get Plus Ones.
And Married, Engaged, and Living Together Couples are always invited as a “Social Unit”… because that is infact what they are.
So ya, no real out of this one… Groomsman Girlfriend makes the Guest List.
Post # 16
Save-The-Date Cards not needed, we aren’t bothering with them.
The live-in witch, she has to be invited.