Post # 1
I need your help!
So FI and I are getting married out of town in Decemeber 2014, it’s very close to christmas and we are not inviting children. I am from the UK and from what I can gather in the US and Canada out of town weddings are pretty normal. In the UK it doesn’t happen very often so asking my guests to drive 4 hours is a lot to ask.
This brings me to my question….
Our guest list is about 80 people and I have a huge family and we have a lot of friends too. Now I know there is a 80% chance that 20 or so people may not come due to travelling, hotel costs and the fact they cannot bring their children. (which is completely understandable) but is there any nice way we can put on the save the dates about giving an informal rsvp, like if they know they wont be able to make it can they just tell us. I want to word it in like a rhyming way if possible too.
Any advice would be grately appreciated.
Post # 3
@Mrsclause: you can create a wedding website that would have information but usually the STD only have the wedding date and location, and a wedding website if the couple has one.
Post # 4
Are you just looking to save money on invites by not sending to people that know they can’t come? I’m not sure why you would even need to mention an informal RSVP at all, but if you do, I think the only appropriate place to do that would be on the wedding website. STD is usually just that–the date and location.
Post # 5
@Mrsclause: First of all, the best Save the Date etiquette is to write them as individual hand-written personal notes to the people whose presence is truly iimportant to you. That way you can adjust your information, and your plea for a response, to the individual circumstances of your intended guest. The notes do not need to be long, and you can also send these individual notes by email or by Facebook private message if hand-writing and stamps are not your idiom. Being personalized, email and private message are still more proper than mass-printed Save-the-date cards.
Second, rhyming verse is usually used to obscure the fact that something is bad manners. The rhyme is “cute”, so it distracts the recipient from whatever problems there may be with your request itself. Since your request — that dear friends and family share information with you and keep in touch — is hardy rude, you do not need to hide it in a verse.
Third, unless you are the twenty-first century’s Chaucer, Shakespear, Tennyson or Kipling; the greatest likelihood is that any verse you come up with, even if sourced off the internet, will be on the same aesthetic order as the famous “Ode to a Small Green Lump I found in my Armpit”. Most wedding-related rhymes are hard on the sensibilities of anyone who truly appreciates poetry: you are really much better off than perpetrating the typical wedding rhyme.
Unless you really are today’s Chaucer, in which case, please share what you come up with!
Post # 6
@Mrsclause: No. You cannot ask for confirmations one way or the other at this point.
Even if you do you won’t get accurate information. I don’t know what I will be doing next week, let alone 2 Christmases from now.
Also there is so much time for things to change. Guests who are childless now may have a 1.5 year old when you get married. They may want to come today, but not a year and a half from now when they can’t bring Johnny.
Invitations are sent out 6-8 weeks before the deadline, which should be no longer then 2-3 weeks before your event (baring some kind of crazy date you have to give catering #’s for).