Save the date etiquette please help

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Mrsclause:  you can create a wedding website that would have information but usually the STD only have the wedding date and location, and a wedding website if the couple has one.

Post # 4
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Daizy914:  +1

Are you just looking to save money on invites by not sending to people that know they can’t come? I’m not sure why you would even need to mention an informal RSVP at all, but if you do, I think the only appropriate place to do that would be on the wedding website. STD is usually just that–the date and location.

Post # 5
1644 posts
Bumble bee

@Mrsclause:  First of all, the best Save the Date etiquette is to write them as individual hand-written personal notes to the people whose presence is truly iimportant to you. That way you can adjust your information, and your plea for a response, to the individual circumstances of your intended guest. The notes do not need to be long, and you can also send these individual notes by email or by Facebook private message if hand-writing and stamps are not your idiom. Being personalized, email and private message are still more proper than mass-printed Save-the-date cards.

Second, rhyming verse is usually used to obscure the fact that something is bad manners. The rhyme is “cute”, so it distracts the recipient from whatever problems there may be with your request itself. Since your request — that dear friends and family share information with you and keep in touch — is hardy rude, you do not need to hide it in a verse.

Third, unless you are the twenty-first century’s Chaucer, Shakespear, Tennyson or Kipling; the greatest likelihood is that any verse you come up with, even if sourced off the internet, will be on the same aesthetic order as the famous “Ode to a Small Green Lump I found in my Armpit”. Most wedding-related rhymes are hard on the sensibilities of anyone who truly appreciates poetry: you are really much better off than perpetrating the typical wedding rhyme.

Unless you really are today’s Chaucer, in which case, please share what you come up with!

Post # 6
3217 posts
Sugar bee

@Mrsclause:  No.  You cannot ask for confirmations one way or the other at this point.

Even if you do you won’t get accurate information.  I don’t know what I will be doing next week, let alone 2 Christmases from now.

Also there is so much time for things to change. Guests who are childless now may have a 1.5 year old when you get married.  They may want to come today, but not a year and a half from now when they can’t bring Johnny.

Invitations are sent out 6-8 weeks before the deadline, which should be no longer then 2-3 weeks before your event (baring some kind of crazy date you have to give catering #’s for).


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