Post # 1
Whew! I never thought this could be so complicated! I have been searching the boards and the entire internet to figure out how to address save the dates / invitations and a few family situations have got me stumped. Anyone have any ideas on how to properly address these situations?
Family 1 (all living in same household):
Female cousin, her boyfriend, female cousins 2 daughters (ages 19 & 21, will probably not have guests). We will be excluding 2 young children living in the household.
Family 2 (all living in same household):
Female cousin, her boyfriend, female cousins brother who is in the bridal party (with a possible guest). WIll be exlcuding 1 young child living in the household.
Wife, Husband, and their adult son in one household (guest for son is questionable), 2 daughters living in a seperate household in their early 20’s.
* I was told by the oldest daughter in this family who is married and living in a separate household to just send one save the date and invitation for these 5 guests because the 2 daughters in their 20’s aren’t responsible enough to handle RSVP cards
Mother who is divorced (has her maiden name), 3 adult daughters with their fathers last name. Possible guests for the 3 daughters.
Grandmother, Aunt 1, Aunt 2 living in same household, no spouses.
Holy Stress. Thank you everyone!
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Post # 2
On save the dates, don’t worry about guests. That will buy you some time on deciding the +1s. Everyone 18 and over gets their own invitation. If the family insists on one, address the outer envelope to the whatever family, then put each individual’s name on the inner envelope.
Post # 3
Proper etiquette states that every person (or couple) over 18 gets their own invite.
Post # 4
It depends on formality level. If this is a formal wedding, each adult couple should get their own Save the Date (so family1 would get 3 separate save the dates, one for cousin and boyfriend and one each ofr her daughters). If it’s a casual wedding you can probably get away with just listing all the invited individuals in the same household on one Save the Date.
Post # 5
HoldFastHope: how have previous cousins / family members handled it in the past? PP say that each adult couple gets their own invite. In the past, each adult couple used to have their own household as well. This isn’t necessarily true these days (thanks, economy!) so it’s completely understandable how confusing this is.
My family/cultural tradition is to invite everyone in one household on the same invitation. If you don’t, you are slighting the patriarch / matriarch. Single people in their own household get invited on their parents’ invitation. (Don’t hate — I don’t make the rules, just sharing them) It’s worth asking your mom, dad, aunties, uncles, etc. what they expect if it matters to you.
It’s pretty complicated and at the end of the day, I just want everyone who is invited to know that they are invited, RSVP so that I can have seats and meals forthem, and for everyone to enjoy themselves.
Post # 6
One of the reasons you are not finding formal etiquette rulings on how to address Save the Date cards, is that they are not entirely proper. They boil down to being advanced advertising for your party and as such tend to make the whole thing appear a little commercial.
The proper etiquette-approved alternative, is to write a sweet, personal note to each person whose attendance at your wedding is essential to your happiness on your wedding day. In your note you tell them everything they need to know: what you are planning and when, and which family members you are hoping to see at the wedding. You do not need to send such a note to every person, and certainly not to “and Guest”, so addressing gets a lot easier!
Even if you are going the printed Save-the-date route, you do not need to send them to everyone. Send them to the essential people only. Any other course of action risks Save-the-date regret later on closer to the invitations, in the event of unforeseen budget or venue constraints.
Post # 7
Thanks so much everyone! Its a more casual wedding, so I guess I dont have to follow “proper etiquette” to a T. Everyone’s advice was super helpful.
I guess I’m also stressing about this so much because we are already having issues with uninvited children. My fiancé and I have TONS of small children in the family and we really don’t want them at the wedding (I feel like such an ass saying that, it’s not that we don’t love them, but we really want an adult only party). We have put it out there to a few family members that children under 18 will not be invited and it hasn’t gone over so smoothly. I was hoping in that addressing save the dates and invitations properly that it would make it clear right off the bat who is and isn’t invited from each household. But then again, we already told one cousin that no children were invited, and she replied with “…oh i totally understand that. Its your day! Do what you want! But I’m bringing my 1 year old daughter.” : smashes head into desk : I guess that’s a whole different post.
Post # 8
Any adult should receive his/her own invitation. For unmearried couples: Ms. Sue Adams Mr. Tom Jones That’s how I did it. Add “and guest” for any single adult who is welcome to bring a guest. If there are minor children, I just listed their names under the parents’ names. If the child’s name is not on the invite, he/she isn’t invited.
Post # 9
Don’t invite the cousin who plans to bring her 1 year old.
Post # 10
Every child that is big enough to sit in a baby seat strapped to a chair, or a high chair, counts as 1. They count as a place at a table, they count in the number of tablecloths you have to rent and centerpieces that have to be made/bought. Even though they might not add to the $$$ food count, they add to capacity numbers, at the venue. For my 2nd daughter’s wedding (2014), we’re stuck with a strict number – it’s a historic venue, so we can’t/won’t admit any uninvited guests.
My daughter’s wedding (2013) was strictly 21+, except for her honorary little sister (a mature-looking 16 year old), who was a bridesmaid. The venue charged the full adult rate, for 13+, even though a 5-hour open bar was included. They obviously discourage kids from attending. Only 2 couples, out of 250 people invited said that child care might be an issue and didn’t attend (and 1 couple has a nanny). 225 other people got there. Her save the dates were addressed to those in the household, who were invited, as were the invitations.
I agree don’t invite the cousin who’s inconsiderate enough to insist on bringing a one-year old. Make it a very clear 18 or 21 (our state’s drinking age) and up.
Post # 12
MrsBeck is correct. Every adult guest (or couple) should receive their own invitiation regarless of where they live. It is NOT a slight to the mother or father if their adult children receive their own invitation, even if they are living at home as bitsybee has stated.<br /><br />As for save the dates, you can either address them the same way you would the invitations or you can send one to each address.
Post # 13
HoldFastHope: I agree with MrsBeck too. Every adult guest should recieve their own invitation with designation in the RSVP for the number of guest and either children allowed/not allowed policy; however, if you are just sending the save the dates, you send them to the household with the notice that formal invites will follow.
Post # 14
I had the same issue. I just ended up sending separate invites to those people who were either married or were out of college with full-time jobs (aka “adults”). So yeah, I’m one of those brides that ended up mailing 5 invites to the same address…
Post # 15
It does make sense that every adult should receive their own invitation regardless of the living situation; it just felt stupid to send 4-5 invitations to the same address. I guess that’s the least confusing way to go about it though.
As for the children scenario, we are standing our ground on no kids. If someone can’t make it because they can’t find childcare, then it is what it is. I’m not even sure why this cousin would want to bring her daughter… she lives only 20 minutes away from the venue, and our reception is going until 11pm. Not a place for a 1 year old! I don’t even think finding childcare would be an issue, I think she just wants her daughter there period. Oh well…
Thanks again for your help ladies 🙂