Save The Date Question

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Secret45:  Yes, you still invite them. A Save the Date IS an invitation, so to not invite them now would constitute “un-inviting,” which is very rude.

Weddings aren’t tit-for-tat, by the way. There are any number of reasons why they may not have been able to invite you to their wedding.

Post # 3
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

Secret45:  if you sent them a save the date, then yes you still have to invite them.  Weddings aren’t tit for tat.  They don’t have to invite you to theirs if you invited them to yours.

If you choose not to invite them, you risk ending the friendship because it’s very rude to not follow it up with an invite.

Post # 4
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

Secret45:  Yes because you sent them a save the date. Just because one person invites someone to their wedding doesn’t mean it has to be reciprocal. It sucks but itwould be rude of you not to invite them.

Post # 5
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yes, you still invite them.  You already basically did.

Post # 6
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Secret45:  Yes you do, you can’t not invite people you have sent STDs to, but you can invite people who you didn’t orginially send STDs to.

Maybe this couple aren’t sending STDs and you will be invited, but when they send invites at 8-6 weeks pre?

Post # 7
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

Sparkidoodle:  good point.  Save the Dates aren’t for your entire guestlist, they’re for your VIPs.  I’ve seen countless instances on this board where after sending STDs to the entire guestlist, there has been a change (money, venue accomodation etc) leaving the couple in a bind after having pre-invited too many people.

You don’t know if you will receive an invite later on, but to uninvite them would damage the relationship you have with them.

Post # 8
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

 

LDay1983:  Ive never heard/read of save the dates for VIPs only?

Post # 9
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

The idea that you send STDs (hate that abbrev. LOL) to only “VIPs” seems silly and counterproductive. The point of them is for all of your guests to make plans for the wedding. 

Post # 10
Member
673 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m invited to a couple of weddings, but mine is a family-only one, so I’m not inviting everyone who invited me to theirs. I DID let them know this, out of courtesy, though. Maybe this is the reasoning behind it? Or maybe they had a tight budget and are seeing who is going before inviting others. Two extra heads can be a lot of money when it comes to food and stuff. 

Post # 11
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

OMGMrsW2B:  Right, they let people know about the date of the wedding so they can start making plans…then the invitation follows with more specific information.

Post # 12
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

purrrbaby:  OMGMrsW2B:  I see where you’re coming from, but I have seen instances where STDs are only sent to people out of town, and to family.  I guess to ensure that too many people aren’t invited; like LDay1983: mentioned about budget….  or perhaps if the guest list isn’t fully written up until nearer the time.  It’s not the “norm” but it’s not unusual

Post # 13
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

OMGMrsW2B:  the abbreviation is terrible…

Yes, you’re only supposed to send them to your VIPs (family, super close friends) so that the ‘must have’ people can have a heads up on the date.  The rest of the guestlist doesn’t get them largely incase of changes in money, venue size, etc.  

How many times have we seen people say ‘I sent out STDs but now can’t afford to have everyone because I needed emergency dental/car problems/vet bills/medical/weddings are a stupidly insane amount of money/my promised money from my parents/in-laws isn’t coming etc’.  

First off, they’re completely unnecessary, secondly when you send them to your whole guest list, it leaves no room for changes.  Especially if you send them 8+ months before your wedding – relationships change and if you’ve sent someone a STD you are on the hook to invite them, whether or not you’re as close as you were previously.

Save yourself a lot of headache and only use them (if you’re going to) for your VIPS

Post # 14
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

And how do you know they wont decline? 

Post # 15
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Secret45:  

Agree with pretty much everyone else. I would feel as though I was un-invited if I received a STD, then not an actual wedding invitation.

It sucks you guys aren’t invited to their wedding, but I’m sure there’s good reason. Invite them anyways.

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