Save the date received – but no invite?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Hmm, that’s definitely against etiquette, and it is entirely possible that it did get lost in the mail. However it’s also possible that they also had to cut the guest list, who knows. I would shoot her an email saying you’re thinking about her. Don’t bring up the wedding, let her do that part. 

Good luck! 

Post # 4
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@amRN:  hmm, i would bring it up.


you got the STD, it’s not like you are assuming you’re invited.  I’d email/call/text and ask her.  Be prepared, it’s possible – like PP said – that they had to cut the list or something.  You just don’t want to be that person who she thinks didn’t send an RSVP.  

Post # 7
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Ergh that’s rough…and awkward…maybe mention you booked the hotel that was on the STD but wanted to make sure the information is still accurate since you haven’t gotten your invite yet. Just play it off like you want to plan way ahead of time for this (especially if you’re flying out for it).

Post # 8
6166 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@amRN:  i got an invitation 6 weeks minus 2 days before a wedding this spring.  i got the STD but wondered where the invitation was and why they waited so long to send it out.

invitations can be sent anywhere from 3 months to 6 weeks before the wedding,

maybe this bride waited until the last minute to send invitations and because you are overseas, it did not get to you yet.

when it is 5 weeks before the wedding, call your friend and mention that you never received the invitation, maybe it got lost in the mail.


Post # 9
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MsGinkgo:  +1! I agree. She sent you the STD, it is appropriate to ask her if she sent out invitations yet. If they did have to cut the guest list, it sucks and it’s rude, but chances are she is very stressed out with final details right now so it might be best if you can be understanding. But I highly doubt you were uninvited! I would ask her about it. I think she’ll also appreciate that you want to make sure you get your RSVP in on time! Laughing

Post # 10
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ajillity81:  this is true.  Now that I think about it I got an invite mid may for a wedding that is this coming weekend – about 6 weeks.


Personally, I think if invites are going overseas they should be sent earlier to allow mailing times but maybe this bride is behind – figured the STD’s went out so it’s all good. I’m sure she can see who has booked rooms in her block as well so she probably knows you’re coming.

Post # 11
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

If she sent you a save the date, then she should have sent an invite. I would most definitely ask her if you are receiving an invite.

Post # 12
502 posts
Busy bee

It shouldn’t be awkward for you to ask at all — if anything, SHE would be the one feeling awkward. You’re avoiding any misunderstandings on either end by simply asking for clarification. E.g. “Hey! I was just wondering if everything was still in place for the wedding?”

Post # 15
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would reach out to her and ask. Better to know for sure than keep doubting.

Post # 16
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would either reach out and ask or message/call/text any other friend that may also be going and see if she received her invite. It is cutting it close for an out of town guest (6-8 weeks you should’ve received your invite), but it is possible that with 4 weeks to go she is still sending out invites. That’s pretty shitty if she did disinvite you though, especially considering that hotel info. was on the STD and she should have realized that people would probably book their flights and arrangements ahead of time based on the STD. 

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