Save the Date Regret

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

STD’s are one of the most expensive parts of a wedding, because whoever you send one to you HAVE to invite. It’s not just the cost of the paper and stamps. 

Post # 4
4963 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MsGinkgo:  I have a couple… for example, a friend from college (my roommate for senior yr) was sent an STD. I would like her to come, but she is awful at communication and I havent heard from her in MONTHS. It took her three weeks to reply to my facebook  message for her address.

I just found out shes not even living in state any longer (a little google stalking), and is back together with her insane baby daddy (who we had to get a restraining order against senior year, etc. etc.). I plan to just send the invite to the last address I had (her parents house) and if she doesn’t respond…I’ll just assume shes not coming. Oh well! LOL

I also have a friend who I knew through a really good friend of mine, but I am no longer friends with the girl who introduced us. I still text/talk to the friend but I highly doubt I will really ever hang out with her again – you know, one of those friends you don’t hang out with alone – only in the group.

Oh well! Luckily FI and I didn’t send STDs to some people we were on fence about…so we will see if we decide to send them invites.

Post # 5
6450 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Sure did! We had a few people that we wished we didn’t have to invite and his mom tried to get us to not invite a few people she has us send STDs too. Looking back I wish we hasn’t wasted our time and effort on them and I wish we were able to take back those invites lol.

Post # 6
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I’m pretty sure that I will so I’m only sending save-the-dates to family and people I know for sure will be invited (so about 90% of the guest list), many of the other 10% are FI and my age-ish or younger and are dating so I don’t want to sand a save-the-date to someone we will be inviting and their current fling only to have to send an invitation later to the guest and their new fling (then what to do about the old one?) to save an awkward situation.  Plus it is unlikely they will even attend but we would love to have them there so they’re definitely receiving invitations just not save-the-dates.  

Post # 7
236 posts
Helper bee

We tired to send STD’s to only “for sure” family and a few friends, and I still had some regret.  Had an unforseen falling out with one friend that made it hard. 

Post # 8
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MsGinkgo:  Yes! I have it! It’s terrible! I have one friend who I really don’t want to invite. She had a falling out with all of our friend circle, and it’s really super messy. She has since blown me off four times, is sleeping with two married men with pregnant wives, and I last told her to let me know if she ever has time for me. She hasn’t. 

I’m not sending her an invitation unless something changes. The etiquette snob in me is cringing, but it would be more uncomfortable to invite her. I have a nightmare that she will crash.

Post # 9
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I was pet sitting when I was preparing and shipping out my save the dates and I accidentally left one behind at her house.

Of course she assumed she was invited and she’s one of my friends (not super close but a friend I’ve come to lean on in the past and vice versa) but this was a small wedding in my hometown and most of my NYC friends were not invited.  So it caused some drama among my other friends because they didn’t understand why SHE got an invite and they didn’t.  It kind of sucked.

But she’s not coming and everyone seems to be over it.

Post # 10
1644 posts
Bumble bee

I always recommend against sending mass-produced save-the-date cards. From the perspective of social refinement, they look like commercial advance-advertising mailouts and detract for the sense of exclusivity that any private socia event incurs. From the perspective of showing personal attention to your guests, handwritten notes to the guests who really need advanced notice of your plans — or even individual emails — are much to be preferred.

From a practical perspective, mass-mailing materials make it easier for you to send too many notices, which leads directly to the regret you describe. I’m willing to bet that, had you been hand-writing notes, you would have thought a lot harder about who really needed to receive them!

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