Post # 1
I happened to recieve two emails today for two upcoming weddings, in the form of a Save the Date survey, where the B & G were asking about people’s availability and other questions.
I’ve never heard of these – has anyone else?
It seems like a great idea for the most part, except the first question for both of them were “Can you attend?”. It is pretty clear that this is not an invitation, but a Save-the-Date with some questions attached. Both of these weddings take place in Fall 2012. I was a little peeved about this. I understand that people want to know for planning, but I don’t know anything about these weddings other than the date and location, and in both cases was given a week to decide through the survey. Both involve travel to the majority of the guests (and me), so I feel that it’s a longer decision proecess for this types of wedding and it’s hard to decide in only a week 6-8 months in advance. At least give me the curtosey of invitation to decide whether I can make it or not!
In one of the surveys, they asked for my address if I was able to come to the wedding. There was no “maybe” option, so I selected no, becuase I know we’ll be going to this area (across the country) a few weeks later for another wedding, so I doubt we’ll be able to go twice in the same month. So, I don’t even get an invitation if I think I can’t make it? This just seems insulting.
Has anyone else seen this. Am I right to feel insutled and rushed into a decision through these surveys?
Post # 3
Honestly I think it is kinda rude. Expecially since they may be basing there guest list on survey sent out 6-8 MONTHS in advance. What are the other questions?? Are they logistical or food or something else?
Post # 4
Never seen that before…very strange.
Post # 5
How awkward…I’ve never heard of that.
Post # 6
It’s not personal, if the people aren’t close to me, I wouldnt go, or even respond…. really, a survey?
And if they are close friends or relatives, I would ask them “WTF”?
Where do people get these stupid ideas from?
Post # 7
never heard of this and I wouldnt respond because honestly I dont know what I’ll be doing that far out. Its their job to pick a date and just inform the guests of it, can they honestly accomodate every single guests schedule in choosing the wedding date?
Post # 8
Save the dates are meant to be exactly that regardless if the guests are planning to go or not. That’s awkward to have a Save the Date survey….never heard of that before in my life– and most importantly it’s extremely rude.
It seems apparent for the couple to ask “if you can attend or not” that’s how they are gathering their guest list–as I am on the same page with you it’s rather insulting. I just wouldn’t respond, period. Because of that alone, I probably wouldn’t go.
@bells: I second that!
Post # 9
That seems quite rude. I have to say, I think every couple in the history of time has wished they had exact numbers at the beginning of the planning process, but that’s just not how it works.
Post # 10
I seems a little impersonal if practical. I’m planning on doing this by phone to find out what weeks people COULD take vacation (info on school breaks, etc) before sending save-the-dates.
Post # 11
I’m with PPs who said they wouldn’t respond. It’s absurd. It’s one thing to inquire with your absolute closest friends or family before setting a date and creating a plan, but to send out a mass email? It’s rather obnoxious.
When we started tossing around the idea of a destination wedding, we did the crazy thing of picking up the phone and calling people or talking to them in person. We mentioned it to our parents first, and asked if they would come if we funded their flights and housing expenses for a week. We also mentioned it to his aunt who, even if she can’t make it, would like to feel involved since she feels it is her place to represent his mom’s side of the family ever since she passed away when he was young. That’s how we found out our initial idea of this fall would conflict with his cousin’s wedding – at least in terms of expenses and travel hassles for his family. I also told my closest friend what we were thinking just to put it on her radar.
Beyond that, we’d like more people to come, but we set the date and the plans. We’re not going to refuse to send an invitation just because someone says they may not be able to make it. I think that’s actually the rudest part of the email that PP described. “We only want your address if you’re willing and able to shell out money to come to our party. If not, you don’t even make the holiday card list.”
Post # 12
Thanks everyone! These surveys actually made me really upset because I felt that I was being rushed into making a decision in the middle of a really stressful life situation at the moment, and that my friends were treating me like a “number” with this survey instead of actually wanting me to come and share in their joy.
After I calmed down, I realized that for the most part the surveys were really just a way of gathering information, and in the case of one of the surveys, finding out what days worked best for people. The message of this just got totally lost in the abrupt way I was asked “say yes/no NOW!” (and the rather rude way of telling us we weren’t getting an invitation if we couldn’t make the wedding).
Post # 13
we were asked the same thing, if we would come to a wedding in october of this year. still javen’t gotten an invite or std or anything, and i don’t even think they are still planning for this year, but now i feel locked in something. so aggravating.