Post # 1
Hello everyone! This is my first post, and I can’t wait to post more 🙂
I do have an etiquette/invitation issue that I just really need some help on. When my FI and I sent our save the dates, we sent them to a couple that he had gone to college with. This couple has been together for 8 years, with half of that being while they were in college, and the other being a very long distance relationship (grad school, jobs across the country, etc). My FI became friends with both of them his sophomore year in college, first with the guy through another friend, and then with his girlfriend when they first started dating. When boyfriend moved away, we definitely hung out with her a lot more often, because she lived locally (I met her before I met her boyfriend). We sent the save the date to the girlfriend, because we didn’t have his address to send a second one to, and I believe the plan was that he was moving in with her at her address when his current contract finishes.
Needless to say, he broke up with her this past week because she was cheating on him. Now, maybe they can be on speaking terms or something before the wedding, but we aren’t inviting many people that my FI went to college with (in fact, only one other couple), so it’s not like we can really split them up at separate tables among people they know. Can we only invite one in that situation?
Thanks so much in advance for the help, and looking forward to talking to all of you more!! 🙂
Post # 3
Oh boy, that’s an awkward situation. If it were me, I would just ignore the girl even though you sent her a STD, and invite the guy only (with a +1) because: your FI was friends with the guy first, and the girl sounds like a dirtbag because she cheated, so that’s not someone I would want to keep around.
Post # 5
I would have your FI reach out to the guy, assuming they’re still close friends, and see how he feels about attending the wedding and her being there. If he’s okay with it, invite both. If he doesn’t think he can handle it, but would like to attend, invite him (maybe with a date – a recent breakup can hurt at a wedding, I’m sure).
Typical etiquette requires sending an invite to those who receive an STD, but typical relationship rules require not cheating, so… if he’s not comfortable with her being there and you want him there, she’ll have to deal with no invitation as one of the consequences of her decision to cheat.
Post # 6
Ohhh, awkward. Is there a good possibility she won’t attend? I know you can’t completely “count” on that, but just asking considering she cheated…does she really want to show her face alone knowing he may be there too (I presume you’re not giving her a +1?)? I would still invite the other guy if you intended to invite him in the first place. Maybe give him a +1 if you have room.
Either way, they’re adults so they should know if they can/want to come and handle themselves as adults otherwise one or both will likely decline if they feel it will be really uncomfortable.
Other option, like pp said, would be to just not send her an invite. However, I wouldn’t be able to not send an invite to someone I sent a save the date to. I had a couple I wished I would’ve have invited (due to space) but felt I had to b/c I sent them a save the date. Well, they accepted and then no-showed, so actually… maybe you can just not invite her! 😉
Post # 7
“Typical etiquette requires sending an invite to those who receive an STD, but typical relationship rules require not cheating, so…” hahaha!!! Love this.
It might be rude to not send the invite to the girl, but I would invite the guy with a +1 only and not bother with her. Since she’s not going to know anyone else there it would be really awkward if she did decide to show up anyway, right? You can’t bank on her declining the invite so if you don’t want awkwardness for your friend, I say don’t invite her.
Post # 8
Thank you all so much! I think that’s what we were leaning towards, but I honestly wanted that second opinion
I figure there is possibly and/or probably going to be enough drama there with my FI’s crazy family, so I’m trying to weed out other potential trouble spots early.
Love the typical relationship rules by the way!