(Closed) Save the Dates to people who I know aren’t coming?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6 posts
  • Wedding: March 2010

I ran into a similar situation and it really comes down to personal preference. If you feel that some guests (even though they have no intention to attend) may get offended by not receiving a save the Date announcement, you may want to include them.

In my case, many of our guests that I knew wouldn’t come were people who weren’t in touch with the immediate family and/or lived far away and were only tied to the family by friendship. In other words, they were unlikely to know that Save the dates were sent out anyway, much less know they weren’t included.

If it is not going to hurt your budget or timeline too much, I say go ahead and send them out to all the people you plan to invite.

Post # 4
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Judgement call — is a definite that these ppl won’t come or is an assumption they won’t be coming? Plans change and who knows, if they have a save the date, they may want to swing it anyway. If you don’t think there will be any bitterness, I wouldn’t worry about save the dates.

Also — If I was 100% sending them invites, then I would send save the dates.

Post # 5
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would send them. Can you imagine what would happen if your FI’s dad were to mention them to these guests?

I don’t think you have to because you don’t have to send them at all, but if you’re doing it for some you should do it across the board.

Post # 6
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oohh I am struggling with this as well because it feels wrong to me for 2 related reasons – if you sent a STD you must send an invitation and if you send an invitation people feel obligated to send a gift and I DO NOT WANT these people to feel obligated to send a gift when I know they won’t be coming! So I don’t think I will be doing this I think we are going to verbally talk to these individuals about the possibility of them traveling for the wedding (they all live in the UK) and if they believe that it is a possibility I will send them a STD!

Good Luck – its a tough one!

Post # 7
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I probably wouldn’t sent the save the date … that way if for some reason plans change, you aren’t obligated to send them an invite … how many threads have we seen about not wanting to send an invite to someone who got a save the date?

Post # 8
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would send them, just to be nice…

Post # 9
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m not sending them to my grandparents, who can’t make it due to health problems, but I will definately send an invitations with a note saying we’re so sorry they won’t be there to celebrate with us.

Post # 10
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would send them… who knows? They might end up coming (the more, the merrier… sometimes). And if the Save-The-Date Cards got mentioned, the guests who didn’t get them would probably be a little bit offended. Treat them like you would any other guest.

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