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I get so peeved when I hear stories about brides doing this. The least you can do is EXPLAIN to people why you can't invite them (even though, in my book, unless there's a damn good reason, you should invite them anyways), and let them know that they can, indeed, stop saving the date. Ugh!
Ick -- I think that's in such poor taste. I why people send out STDS or invite people to showers if they aren't inviting them to the wedding.
Gee, that stinks. Sometimes things get lost in the mail, but it's a little rarer espeically since (I assume) they sent out their invitations all in one bunch. I'm guessing you can "un-save" the date - but totally hear you on this; I'd be peeved too!
Yeah, that's pretty rude if they didn't send you an invite on purpose, after sending you a STD. I've actually gone back and forth about inviting some of my co-workers that I'm not close with, and am opting to not send them a STD, and just make the decision closer to the wedding when the real invites go out.
You said some of your friends got their invites already. Could you maybe recruit one of them to hint at the bride? Maybe mention to the bride in passing something along the lines of, "I'm really looking forward to your wedding, it will be so fun to celebrate with you guys, other friend A, latenitesnackin and other friend B." That way the bride will either let your friend know you aren't invited, or maybe it will trigger her memory that she needs to send you an invite? Or maybe if she doesn't say anything, you invite could have been lost in the mail, there's a thread going today about invites getting lost by the USPS.
i think it's best not to make assumptions and go straight to the source. since you received a STD, i think it's safe to call and ask about the invitation. it may be awkward (to them if they changed their mind), but at least you can confront them with it and hear their side. maybe it really did get lost in the mail. i once received an invitation in my mailbox for someone who didn't even live on my street! i just left it with the mail person. who knows, if it were someone else, they may have just thrown it in the trash.
Yes, I think you should ask directly. Its possible that the invite got lost in the mail (TWO of ours did, both for Groomsmen, so at least they both knew they were invited!). Two outcomes are possible:
a) The invite really did get lost in the mail, and bride tells you with relief that yes, OF COURSE you are invited!
b) They really DID send you a save the date and then didn't invite you. Your calling them puts them in the well-deserved akward position of having to explain to you that they did ask you to save a date in YOUR life for their wedding, then decided to not invite you after all.
Good luck!
I also think you should ask. I am ashamed to admit I overlooked one couple that I did send a STD to and not an invitation. It was not intentional at all, it was just an oversight on my part and too many different lists. We didnt realize the mistake until a couple days before the wedding when they said something to my grandma but by then it was too late. I really think you should ask the bride just in case you were the unfortunate oversight on the list. Just call or text her saying you just wanted to check because you got a STD but not an invitation. You understand (whether you do or not ha) if they had to cut lists but wanted to make sure because you would hate for her to think of you as someone who didnt RSVP it if just got lost in the mail or forgot to get sent out.
ASK! I found out that THREE of our 72 invitations didn't make it to their destinations. One couple we figured out (FMIL's friends had moved, but we didn't find out until after we sent the invite), one couple asked us, and one we followed up with (a bridesmaid who just assumed we knew she was coming!) They were all due to the fact that the people had moved and the invite didn't forward, but it is entirely possible that your invitation is floating somewhere in the US postal system. If not, then it's not a bad thing that the bride and groom have to face one of the people they were rude to.
Same thing happened to me and it wasn't lost in the mail- I was just uninvited! Granted I was the only "girl" friend of my friends who was invited/got a STD for my guy friends recent wedding, and yes we didn't takl as much in the past few years but we've been friends for years and I was absolutely going to invite him to my wedding. Anyway to make a long story short we just never got the invite. He definitely would have contacted me if I never RSVPd or anything. It's definitely rude, and definitely deserves at least an explanation which I never got. I understand but would have been less miffed if they admitted it to me or apologized and explained, etc. I would have been even more upset if I'd booked my airfare home for it, which I ALMOST did but decided I wasn't sure if I'd go or not ...thank god I waited!
To give the couple the benefit of the doubt (just because I know that a couple of my invites didn't make it to their destinations the first time around)... I think you should give the bride a call. Hopefully you'll find that it was a case of postal error and not something worse.
that is awful! I say if your going to send out Save the dates to only send to the people you know are "For sure" invited... like best friends and family. Then just word of mouth for other friends etc....
Maybe it got lost in the mail... I would simply call her and say "hey, i got the save the date, but never got my invite.. what happened?"
Hopefully its just a mistake...
yeah, you need to ask. That's insane. I've never heard of anything like this!
personally, I would email the bride and/or groom. It will save you and them from the potential awkwardness if she/he is caught off guard if you were to call. Unless you want to hear them squirm :)
I would say ask. I know we had three invites that didn't make it to there destination. Two were returned to us (wrong city, right street errors) and one we found out about when we were asking around to see if everyone got theirs. So it is entirely possible. That being said if they pruposely left you off, well that is in poor taste on their part.
Wait - do you know for sure you aren't getting an invite? It is not only tacky, but an extreme burden and inconvenience on your time, so I say call the bride and ask. Just say "this may sound very silly since I received a STD, but am I getting an invite? I saved the date!"
Thanks everyone! I knew you all would have good suggestions. Since I'm not close to the bride (more friend of the groom), I might have one of my other friends ask him who else from our group is invited to the wedding. This way if he mentions me, I can reach out to them directly about the missing invite. Otheriwse, I'll know I'm not invited and won't have any unwanted awkwardness.
I would definitely check with them, just in case your invitation was lost in the mail or something. We actually had one invitation sent back to us because I accidentally put on the wrong zip code. I think if it were me, I'd ask directly, if you're closer to the groom, you could just ask him. Even a quick email, just saying "Hey, we got the StD but didn't get an invitation. Just wanted to check with you about this" would do the trick. Personally, I'd rather go to the source, instead of checking through other friends.
I had a similar thing happen to me last fall - a good friend from college was getting married, and I knew about it, got the STD, was ready to go, but never received an invitation. For about a week I felt put out, then asked a friend who had mentioned her invitation to ask the bride if I was invited. Turns out the invitation was lost in the mail - thank goodness I asked! :) If you DID get a STD, and are not invited, that's pretty darn rude!
If you didn't get a STD, but just expected to be invited to the wedding...and then didn't get an invite...then I would just tell you to forget about it. HOWEVER, since you did receive the STD....it is totally appropriate for you to contact them! If it did get lost in the mail, and you don't contact them and don't attend the wedding....can you imagine how terrible they would feel about the miscommunication?? Definitely give them a call...then you won't have to worry about it anymore!! Good luck!! :)
Definitely ask them about it. I'm with the group that says if you send them a STD, you send them an invitation, even if something blew up in your life and you aren't friends. If you no longer are friends, then they will just say no to the invitation. In any case, you asked them to save the date, so you should invite them.
In your case since you got the STD and no invite, call to make sure it didn't get lost in the mail. Good luck!
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Hi ladies!
I received a save-the-date for a wedding this summer. So I "saved the date." But then I didn't receive an invite when my other friends theirs. It's been 3 weeks since the invites have been out (I'm guessing). I'm sort of peeved that this happened because I actually made sure not to go out of town then! It's possible it got "lost in the mail" or if it was a budget concern, I totally understand but I wish they had figured that out before the save the dates which they even asked my address for!
Just wanted to know if anyone has experienced this same slight or to advise future brides to be sure not to do the same thing!