(Closed) Saving Money for Wedding but he’s still spending!

posted 8 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

Well, what did he say when you asked him about it?

Post # 4
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

#1 I wouldn’t return it without telling him, that will just create a whole new fight. I would tell him he could keep it but it would have to count it as his birthday/christmas present. You need to set groundrules for purchases, like anything over $200 needs to be discussed and agreed upon first.

Post # 5
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Agreed, you shouldn’t not be returning it without telling him/asking permission. You don’t want him to feel like you’re treating him like a child (even if he’s acting like one!). I think it’s important to sit down with him and explain how much you need to save each month in order to make the wedding possible. It may be that the wedding seems so far away for him that he doesn’t really “get” that he needs to start changing his spending habits now.

Post # 6
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

As long as he does not do this all the time I think you should let him have this one. FI and I had a convo the other day about saving; for the past year we have been really saving for the wedding and house and it started taking a toll on us recently. Evertime I went out and bought something I would feel guilty and  I was hard on him whenever he wanted to go out to bars or do something where we had to spend money. Finally, he expressed how tired he was of saving money and we had a long talk and we compromised that we would both continue to save but alow ourselves to splurge every now and then. Not all the time, but it’s ok to treat ourselves. So 3 weeks ago we went to Magic Mountain and I was able to buy myself some new shoes and he bought himself a new suit; for once I did not feel so guilty and we had fun.

Post # 7
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I would be livid if my FI did what yours did.

I think you need to sit down with him and show him on paper what your bills are and what the projected bills are and how much is going out each month. That may put things in perspective for him. I would also try to have a civilized conversation with him and strongly encourage him to return the iPad. There has to be a distinction between wants and needs.

Post # 8
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I think you should give him some (much needed) individual space.

That is to say, decide WITH HIM what needs to be taken aside from any paycheck toward the wedding, how much for utilities, the house, and all common expenses, then do it.

Also decide how much each of you can spend on personal purchase, and stick to it.

BUT what he uses his “personal expens” money is none of your business (unless it’s illegal LOL). Similarly, what YOU use your “personal expense” money for it’s none of his business.

Post # 9
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree that you shouldn’t return it without telling him.  You’re upset that he spent the money behind your back, and returning it behind his back really isn’t any different.  That said, he shouldn’t have bought it in the first place without talking to you.  He’d probably be upset if you came home with a $700 purse without telling him.  Totally agree with LGenz – you guys need to talk about what’s considered a major purchase, and agree that you need to decide on those together.   Everyone’s different, and depending on your finances “major” could be $200, $75, or $500.  Or even routine things that just add up over time ($30 weekly manicures, $40 happy hours every Friday).  Very few people have the luxury of just throwing around $700 without a second thought, and your FI needs to understand that now that these are your joint finances, you need to make joint decisions about big spending.

Post # 10
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I feel your pain here girl. Lol i’m beginning to think my FI has more of a shopping problem then me. However; he doesn’t buy anything that cost THAT MUCH without talking it over first. that is a pretty pricy “toy” to just be buying out of the blue. I would be pretty upset. I wouldn’t be returning it beacuse that would be equally as bad. But I would definatly express how your feeling about the budget!

Post # 11
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think you may need to sit back & think this one through.  Is he coming home every week with some sort of new “toy”?? And spending money ruthlessly all the time?

I am not sure of what your finance situation is, but personally my SO has his money & I have my own.  We are independant of one another.  If he wants to go buy something I can’t control him & the same for him.  I know we don’t approve our spending sometimes, but neither of us have the right to say anything to one another (or start a fight).  As long as the expenses are getting paid & on time he can do whatever he wants with his money (as long as it’s legal!!)

Post # 12
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

If I were in your situation, planning a wedding AND remodeling, every single dime of ours would have to be spent wisely. But it has to be a joint effort. Make a detailed spreadsheet or power point, whatever, to illustrate how you are budgeting money, how much money is needed for what, and it should be painfully obvious that he needs to at least discuss major purchases with you. For us, that kind of purchase would have to be deferred. You guys may choose differently, it’s up to you. But you guys need to figure out how much you’re comfortable with “my money” and what amount that is, especially when you have common financial goals.

 

Post # 13
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

To be fair new carpet for the office is a want and not a need.  Does your FI also want it or would he rather take care of it later and enjoy some luxury purchases now?  Neither point of view is wrong but the two of you should come to an agreement.  I think a rule that you have to discuss a purchase over $X amount and/or that each of you have $Y for your own personal accounts/spending a month would solve this issue.

Post # 15
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

FYI my absolute favorite site for budgeting is mint.com, we created a savings acct solely for wedding expenses and it allows me to tag every single wedding purchase we make.

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