Post # 1
So we are paying for some of the wedding ourselves (as much as we can) and my parents said they would help with the rest. I have been saving money over the last year and I have about 5,000 saved. The only problem is FI has contributed zero to this amount.
We talked about it when we first got engaged that we would be setting money aside every month and both agreed on a number. I asked him how much he had saved up and he told me he didnt have any saved. Last month we had a serious talk about his paycheck and where it goes and we worked out a budget. He makes a decent amount of money a month and its not like we have children that we are spending lots of money on.
SO this month, he offered to fly his best friend in to watch the superbowl with us. Obviously not within budget. It just infuriates me because I feel like I’m the only one contributing to our wedding. I have been making financial sacrifices and he hasnt, which makes me feel like he doesnt care.
I am concerned because I dont want him to carry on these habbits into our marriage. He is just so bad with money I dont know what to do anymore. Has anyone else gone through something like this or have any advice for me?
Sorry this got so long…
Post # 3
since he has trouble managing his money and sticking to a budget, i would take over for him. that way you can basically give him an “allowance” of fun money each month…he can spend it however he wants. everything else is carefully budgeted by you.
Post # 4
I think I would have a conniption if he decided to fly his friend in for the super bowl! Maybe if he was contributing I wouldn’t find that so outrageous but it just seems unecessary. SO and I have realized that he is just not good with his money so I am the one who is in charge. Are you guys combining accounts or how are you going to be managing your money when married? I would be worried that when you guys start planning to purchase a home or save for a child you will be the one paying for everything.
Post # 5
@kitzy: Yeah I guess I need to do that. I hate the fact that I feel like I am mothering him, which is so annoying to me
@MsBrooklynA: Yeah, i was pretty pissed. He was like “Bob cant afford to buy a ticket so I bought it for him…” I just had to walk away. I thought I was gonna bop him lol
I am really thinking twice about combining accounts. Im not sure, Im just worried since money is a big factor in divorces. I want to stop the problem before it gets outta hand
Post # 6
@HoneyBear: I would be frustrated that he purchased something that is more high end expensive like that without consulting you. I understand that you two don’t have combined accounts but if Bob cannot afford a plane ticket he probably cannot afford a place to stay so he may end up staying with you. Something like that should be a mutual discussion.
I feel like he just doesn’t see how his money habits will be affecting you and they clearly are. This wedding is not the product of your wants it is a product of both your desires. He asked you to marry him so why should he not have to contribute to this event he also wanted? It seems unfair.
Post # 7
My brother in law was like that. My sister had combined their accounts, but after a few months, realized that it wasn’t working and had to pull their accounts apart. He kept spending every penny they had. 🙁 So she assigned him things he was responsible for: pay for XXX, ZZZ, and YYY. The rest is yours to keep.
My husband and I have very different spending habits, but what we do is when our paychecks come in, a percentage of that goes into a joint account for household things. In your case, it would be the wedding. Then the rest is your own money that you can do whatever you want with. But the percentage is taken off the top, first thing. It’s the most important, so it comes first.
We did percentage only because our incomes are very different right now. So the person who has more, can afford to pay more. When the situation changes, then the other person pays more.
This way we both contribute but we both have extra money on the side so we can do what we want with it.
If your FI is open about money and is willing to work with you, it should be okay. But if he denies a problem and refuses to compromise… then you have to think of something else to change his mind before you commit your future to him.
Post # 8
Maybe instead of a savings goal you can actually make him pay for something tangible…. like when you go and buy flowers make sure it comes out of his account and he works on paying it off in installments? If he has enough money to drop on random plane tickets he should have enough to pay for a down payment on one of your larger expenses and hopefully once he’s signed a contract he’ll treat it like anyone of his bills and just pay it off?
Post # 9
This was a huge problem I had with FI. You need to get this under control before you are married. Have you ever watched “Till Debt do us part?” We use a modified version of the jar system.
Seriously though, you need to get this under control. If you have any questions or want to talk PM me.
Post # 10
@HoneyBear: “I am really thinking twice about combining accounts”
Yikes – it sounds like you can’t afford to not combine accounts. Especially if you live in a community property state, if you ever were to divorce, you would have to give him half your money, and he would have nothing to give you. Your best protection would either be a prenup or taking control of the finances so that you know what’s going on. Burying your head in the sand will hurt both of you.
Also, if you guys ever want to buy a house, a car, etc, his credit and lack of assets will hurt you. Do you really want to spend tens of thousands more in interest just because you FI/husband can’t budget? I’d take over, it’s the best choice for both of you.
Post # 11
Have you flat out asked him “You offered to fly your best friend in for the Superbowl. You are still following the budget we had set, correct?” Or something to that effect. Yes, I would be angry, but start with the foundation you set again.
Post # 12
Could he maybe be in charge of paying for certain big things? For example, I am actually the only one who is saving for our wedding as well. But this was the plan. FI pays for the mortgage and all of the bills while I save for the wedding. He obviously spends more than me per month but he does make more money than me. Maybe you can work out a plan like that? Even though you would be the only one saving, he could be contributing in a different way
Post # 13
You could also work it out where your FI “pays” you so much a month and then you put that in savings. For example FI and I live together. I give him so much a month to help out for bills since he pays 99.9% of the bills. Once we are married we will keep our seperate accounts and have a joint account for bills.