Saving up for engagement?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

Kat_Kit2000:  He saved up enough for the ring, bought the ring and then proposed and that was it. We’re saving for/paying for the wedding as we go along.

Post # 3
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

We made a decision to get engaged, but hold off on buying a ring or making any concrete plans until we had enough money in the savings account to pay for my rings, the wedding, a house down payment, and a 6 month emergency fund. I should note that our desire to purchase a home was the driving factor in our engagement timeline. I told Mr. Lk that I would not buy a house with him until there was a ring on my finger, a date set, and vendors booked. It was 2010, the real estate market was nearing rock bottom, and we knew we wanted to get into the game while the getting was good. So all of our financial goals were intertwined and, to us, it made sense to save it all upfront because the timing for home buying and where that fell vis a vie wedding planning was somewhat out of our control. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  lovekiss.
Post # 4
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Kat_Kit2000:  H and I were in very different financial situations while we were dating.

I was supporting myself with a nice job, paying a mortgage, and getting a Master’s degree.  I really did not have any savings to speak of.  Ideally I would have liked 6 months worth of living expenses in an emergency savings.  That was actually my student loans (I took out the max each semseter but I put it all away and did not touch it).  That was one of the reasons of how I was able to pay back all my student loans before I graduated.  One check was like $16k right off the bat because I never touched it.  It was there just in case the roof caved in.  I also had no car payments or credit card debt either.

H had a great job, paid off car, only a mortgage and lots of savings.  H had savings well before me since as a bachelor his expenses were low.

By the time we got engaged, I just became debt free.  I sold my house + all the loans I had not touched, I paid off my student loans in full and in one check!  After we moved in, we merged money.  Immediately, all of my income went into savings and retirement for us.  We were maxing out 6 retirement accounts between the 2 of us at equal rates. 

So at enagement, we had enough for the wedding and a new deck.  We also got engaged in our mid-30s so at a different time in our lives than most of the Bees I imagine. 

We did not do the wedding; instead we had a weddingmoon where we got married on our honeymoon (too much drama with family), bought a new deck for the house, and then bought Invisalign braces for the both of us with enough left over.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  sienna76.
Post # 5
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee

I would think it depends on your goals at the time.

 

Do you are already own a home, therefore don’t have to save for a downpayment to buy

Do you have a lot of debt that has to get paid off before marriage

Do you have a larger purchase planned like a new vehicle

If you only have to worried about saving for the wedding I would say save money for the ring , get engaged, then once engaged save for wedding while planning since most weddings do not happen for a while after engagement.

Post # 6
Member
13020 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t see what having savings has to do with getting engaged if there are no specfic goals in mind.  Engaged or single, or even married I think there should be at least a few months living expenese saved up.  If you want to buy a house soon, of course you need more saved, but that doesnt necessarily have to be done before or after the engagement.  We each had a lot saved up by the time we got engaged, but that’s because we are both savers and believe in having a large savings cushion but there was no target amount.  We cared less about actual numbers than what our general spending and saving habits were and if we had the same financial goals.

Post # 7
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My SO already had enough saved up for a ring… When we discussed when we actually wanted to get married, we both talked about how much we would have saved up and what our budget will be… I think we’ll be paying for it as we go along, as well. (Our budget will be $5k, w/o rings included)

Post # 8
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee

Kat_Kit2000:  some people may not agree with me, but you cant put a dollar amount on a situation like this. You should get engaged and married whenyou feel like you know you’re ready to commit to eachother. A big expensive ring and a fancy reception are not what marriage is about. thankfully our parents are helping us out with paying for the wedding but it wont be very expensive, we chose to get married sooner because we wanted to take our relationship to the highest level, and thats something that happens independently of when you reach a certain amount of money in savings. After you get married you can pool your resources together and help eachother save up and get your finances in order. I would say the only exception is if one or both of you has spending issues or is in serious debt.

Post # 9
Member
2151 posts
Buzzing bee

Kat_Kit2000:  Well I have a lot of money saved, because I’m just a saver. Fella is paying his way through school, so his savings are minimal but he will graduate with almost no debt in a very high paying field. That’s fine because to me, once we are engaged/married, it’s all “our” money anyway.

If you want figures, I’m 27 years old and have a little over 50k saved (in investments, etc.). I am frugal. My parents want us to have a wedding (if up to me we would just elope), since they want it, they are the ones paying for it. I still want to keep costs around 5k for the wedding, it just matches my values. For the e-ring, I told him no more than $500 absolute maximum, but that under $400 would be even better. 

I didn’t really have a “set” number I thought I should have before engagement, I always planned with money for myself. I guess the only financial “rule” I would have is to know all the debt that your SO has well before marriage, and I personally would not partner myself to someone who is bad with money. I feel there are many unavoidable stresses in life, money is not one of them if you manage it well. 

Post # 11
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

We dated for over six years before we became engaged (We are now 25 & 27). During that time he saved enough for the ring ($7500) and we jointly saved enough for the house ($40,000 downpayment), wedding ($25,000) and honeymoon ($8000).

I would say the house payment was really an added bonus, as is the honeymoon we’ll be taking. So really, you’d only need to save for the ring and the wedding

 

 

Post # 13
Member
641 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My FI saved for the ring. We already had a few grand in savings together. Our engagement has been long enough so that we can save money for the wedding as well as our honeymoon. After the wedding, we want to save a 10% deposit for a house (probably $50K-$60K).

Post # 14
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

We’ve always planned on buying our first home shortly after getting engaged so having a solid downpayment was an important part of the plan (for us that amounted to roughly $100,000 – since we both had the luxery of living at with our respective parents with minimal expenses it was easier to save over time). My FI also waited until he was finished his apprenticeship for work because he wanted to ensure he had steady full time work before we started our life together. 

Once we purchase our home (hopefully soon!) we’ll put together a budget for the wedding based on our expenses and save for that separately during the time we’re engaged instead of using our “starting up” savings toward the wedding – we’d rather use that toward the house/emergency funds! 

Post # 15
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee

Kat_Kit2000:  you hit the nail on the head when you asked if i spoke to my parents. i spoke to them well ahead of getting engaged. there is nothing wrong with speaking hypothetically about the future and saying “if this, then that”. You can get an idea of whether and how much your parents could contribute, but keep in mind this could change after the engagement depending on life circumstances at that moment. theres also many other factors to take into consideration. If your parents pay for all of the wedding, they may expect to have more control over it, are you okay with that? If not. You would need to speak to your SO about what kind of wedding you both expect, again, all hypothetical. But theres a big difference between an afternoon cocktail hour and a 7 hour extravaganza at a country club. You also need to set up your expectations for whether you would buy a home right away or save up for it or rent foreveR and talk about what financial attitudes you have. Then you can decide what to do.

personally, we didnt want a big wedding but wanted to buy a home right away instead and our parents and grandparents helped with the downpayment.

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