Post # 1
Our pastor asked us to do pre-marital couseling before our wedding and asked us to read “Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts”. I’ve only read the first few chapters, but am finding this book hard to relate to.
Has anyone else read it and found it useful?
I understand a lot of the questions that they pose are very important. But I have been with my fiance for nearly 5 years already and I feel as though we have already addressed many of these issues. We already live together, so we have already worked out who does which chores ans so forth. I would say the most useful advice so far has been to really articulate what you need instead of dancing around the issue.
I really don’t connect with many of the stories; like the girl who annouces to her family that she is engaged and then cries on her father’s shoulder wondering “who is this man who is taking me away from my family?” So weird. Or how the author after 6 years of dating, and a 9 month engagement cries the whole limo ride back to her hotel after their wedding wondering “who is this person I married?” Um, you don’t know this person after nearly 7 years together? And what is he thinking with you sitting there crying after your wedding?
Post # 3
I’ve never read the book, but seems strange.
Post # 4
There is also a section in the workbook where you get to list off all of your unfufilled needs that your parents didn’t fufill when you were a child. I really don’t have any childhood regrets. They also talk about sex and the myths behind it. Since we have already had sex, and live together, we really don’t have any questions about sex. We understand that wives don’t have to have sex with their husbands whenever their husband wants to have sex.
Post # 5
Hum …. seems like an odd book.
We just did our pre-marriage counseling the weekend and we did have a similar worksheet that included something about unfufilled needs as a child. You were supposed to talk about positive and negative aspects (from a child’s perspective, not looking back at it now) of your caregivers growing up and things that frustrated you as well as very fond memories. The idea behind it is that we subconsciously look for both these positive and negative traits in our SO because it lends us to being comfortable with them. Because of this, the same frustrations you had with your parents can manifest with your SO so recongnizing them can help you work through them better.
I also had a hard time with this because I don’t feel that I lacked for things as a child. This was the one aspect of our counselling that I didn’t really “buy” but the rest of it was really good (but our counselor was really laid-back, young, etc and quickly recognized that FI and I had already had lots of in-depth discussion on much of what he normally covers so he quickly moved on).
Post # 6
Yeah, my impression was that the book is kind of simplistic. But I’m sure there is an audience for it.
Post # 7
I think you should read the book that’s been recommended to you, but supplement it with some other books that you pick out. My fiance and I both read “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman and learned a lot about communicating effectively without hurting the other person. I highly recommend it.