Saving yourself

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I couldn’t do it but I have been married before and my ex turned out to be bi-sexual (didn’t find out until after the wedding) so I wanted to make sure my second husband was totally straight before committing to him for life.

So long as you both are on the same page and have talked about sxual desires and frequency, you will probably be fine to wait until the wedding to do the deed.  The only problem I personally see over and over is where one partner wants sex all of the time after the wedding, while the other has a much lower sex drive and isn’t willing to compromise.

Post # 4
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Not my thing, but if it’s yours, then I can respect it. As long as you are both open and willing to the idea, I see no issues anywhere.

ETA: I agree with a few posters… sex is a very personal thing. While not vital to a relationship, it’s exceptionally important. Being on the same page sexually is going to make your lives so much easier. I would never marry a man I had never slept with only because if we’re incompatible, I want to know before we get married. Changing the way you have sex isn’t as easy as changing the way you do other things.

Post # 5
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@sarahroby:  I was in my first marriage and it turned out horrible…This marriage…not so much.

Post # 8
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m saving myself for marriage as well. I started out as more of a religious thing when I was younger, but as I got older it has become more personal.

Post # 9
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I could never commit my life to someone who I’d never slept with. Sex is too important. I do respect your decision though, and wish you luck!

Post # 10
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sarahroby:  We did not sadly and I regret it…I do not regret it with him but regret when we did it. 

Post # 11
4043 posts
Honey bee

@sarahroby:  No, we did not wait. DH is the only person I have been with and we waited until 4 years into our relationship. We are not religious, but did wait until we were both comfortable and ready. 

Personally, I think it is more important for a couple to be in agreement about the decision more than anything. I don’t think that saving oneself or not is a matter of right or wrong, but I do believe in waiting until there is a significant level of trust, love and respect in a relationship. 

Lastly, sexual compatibility and intimacy are an important element of our relationship, we didn’t want to wait until marriage and hope that we were compatible. 

Post # 12
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@sarahroby:  I planned to do just that, but I ended up having sex with him after we decided to get married (we weren’t formally engaged due to money constraints, however). Luckily I am now married to the man I gave my virginity & I feel very blessed that that is the case. I still wish that we had wait until after we got married though, so I have a lot of respect for you & urge you to be strong!

It will be worth it to wait 🙂

Post # 13
2878 posts
Sugar bee

@Hyperventilate:  +1

With my ex, I had problems with my libido (mostly due to the type of contraception I was using, and has been using for years). We fought a lot about sex. It definitely put a strain on our relationship and our intimacy. With my fiancé, it has been great right from the start. I finally have a satisfying sex life and I can enjoy it fully because I trust him completely. I wouldn’t take the risk either of not knowing if we were compatible sexually. 

I have a lot of respect for people who decide to save themselves, but I couldn’t do it. And it doesn’t mean our relationship or intimacy is less meaningful because we’re not each other’s first ; but knowing we chose each other to be the only one we’ll share our intimacy with from now on (and officialize it through marriage) makes it extremely meaningful too, even if we’ve both had other experiences in the past. 🙂

I’m wishing you the best OP, hang in there if that’s what you want. And may this moment be magical for you both. 🙂

Post # 14
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@sarahroby:  I DID!!!! It was an important decision we both made for ourselves prior to meeting, I definitely don’t regret it! 

Post # 15
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014 - Windstar on Naples bay

im in the same boat as you… and its been hard consideirng my age. 😛 and ive never done it before. im looking forward to exploring ourselves sexually after marriage! <3

Post # 16
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@sarahroby:  I think it’s entirely a matter of personal choice.  I’m in my 30s and my FI is in his 40s.  Neither of us are virgins, but we’ve both had very few partners and we were each others first in several years.  I’d always thought about saving myself for marriage, but that didn’t happen.  I think a state of mind and emotion is the most important part.

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