Post # 1
Okay ladies, need some advice. Regular bee- going anon.
So last night, FI was showing me something on his iPad and I saw a website called “xdating.com” open in another tab. I immediately asked him what it was, and he said, “oh it must be an ad I accidentally clicked on”. I told him to click on the tab so I could see what it was, he refused and x-ed it out right away. He insisted it was just a pop up from a game he played. I told him how upset it made me, and he just kept saying, “Do you really think I’m cheating on you? That’s insane. I promise I am not”.
I will admit- I did some snooping when he left today. He also had some porn sites open on his phone (it links to his iPad) and a website called “free f*** find” open.
I am trying not to go crazy. I know I shouldn’t have snooped and I feel awful.
What does this sound like to you? I don’t and have never suspected him of cheating on me. We live together and do mostly everything together. He does go out drinking w/his buddies and stay over their apartments sometimes (like once a month maybe) so he doesnt have to drive.
He does not have passlock codes on his phones/ipad or act suspicious in any way. He does text a lot but he’ll do it with me sitting next to him. Its usually a group chat with his friends or his mom (lol). He is a really nice guy, treats me well, tells me he loves me all the time. I think I know him pretty well and I just can’t see him trying to find girls to bang. It took him 2 months to finally put the moves on me when we first started dating, he’s shy in that regard. He didn’t even hug me on our first date because hes weird about germs and didn’t know me, lol.
I am thinking he was looking at porn (I was sick and then had my period so we havent had sex in a while. Then he got sick, etc. so we haven’t had sex in prob 2 weeks) , didn’t want me to know, and these were popups or parts of the websites he was looking at. I honestly don’t care if he looks at porn – this is not the issue.
I am just going insane thinking he must be cheating on me! He just left to meet his friends for presuperbowl drinking and I’m assuming he’s out there banging some gross porn lady. Did I mention I can be a pretty irrational thinker?!! I think if I bring it up to him again, he’s going to get really upset and want to know why I don’t trust him. Help!
Post # 3
I wish I could give you some good advice but I don’t know what I would do myself in your situation.
It does concern me that he may have lied about accidently clicking an ad on his iPad only for you to discover similar website/s on his phone. It’s one thing to be looking at porn but a whole other cruising website for hook ups.
I don’t think you should bring it up again but be more vigilant for a little while till you feel he’s over this stage.
Post # 4
It is possible it is a popup, but the fact that he still have it open and didn’t close it when it popped up is kinda fishy, sorry OP.
Post # 5
I’m not an i-Phile, so I don’t know much about apple products, but my fiance once downloaded a stupid app on our shared Kindle Fire and it kept causing shit to pop-up on the kindle. I also know that ads, if I clicked on them and they popped up in the browser, I’d sometimes just use the “home” button to get out of the ad without exiting the ad because I didn’t want to wait for it to load, or I just didn’t realize it didn’t close…
But I have heard that apple products are better about that, unless he unlocked it, then maybe it would be more vulnerable? I’m not really sure.
I think you should go with your guts. You seem to believe that he isn’t the type. He doesn’t really have any suspicious behavior besides these porn things. It easily could be that he was looking at porn! If that’s all it is, then whatever. But if you don’t trust him, then that’s something that you’ll need to work on.
Post # 6
Porn sites are full of pop-ups, and I’m not surprised that he was a little embarrassed and didn’t want to show you the window. I don’t think there’s anything fishy here at all. It sounds like a simple case of a guy watching porn.
Post # 7
There is a website I go on to DL movies and without fail, every time, a porn pop up gets opened in a new window. Why would he show you something on his IPad if he knew he had a tab open and was planning to mess around?
The free fuck find sounds fishy, but it could be a pop up from a porn site, or as you said part of a porn site he’s been looking at.
I think I’d talk to him about it. Just explain that the pop up had you worried, you snooped and found a couple of weird sites- explain please.
Post # 8
@anonymouse1234: I watch porn and I’ll tell you almost any porn site you visit, it has pop-ups. Sometimes a few. There have been times I “X-ed” one out without even noticing there was another one.
In general, I still think most people get embarrassed to get caught looking at it, even if you’ve been together forever and know he watches it.
Two weeks is also not a long time off from sex.
To me it just sounds like you’re creating excuses to justify your irrational thoughts.
Post # 9
To me it sounds like someone just watching porn.
Post # 10
It’s the classic case of Guy watching porn and getting those stupid pop ups. You know when you type in a letter in the search bar, well a website popped up from my “history” and I clicked on it. It was a porn site and A few tabs popped up along with it. I asked SO about it and he flipped because our last computer got a nasty virus from one of these websites and he knew it was his friend looking at the page (guys are weird). guys will be guys that’s all I can say lol
Post # 11
Are you two comfortable with watching porn? It sounds like he was embarrassed and didn’t want to own up to it.
Post # 12
It’ll be a pop up from a streaming porn site. There are heaps that advertise hooks up close to you. I wouldn’t worry about it at all.
Post # 13
I don’t think you are being irrational about the porn . If you are upset about it then you need to talk to him about it. I don’t think you are being irrational about him hiding what he looks at. Again it is perfectly reasonable to discuss this.
I don’t think that all this necessarily equates to him actually being unfaithful but I can see why your trust has been shaken. This isn’t something that you were expecting.
You have to sort all this out before you are married. You are right to need to talk to him seriously about all of this. What is important to you has to be important to both of you.
I am curious why you believe your own thinking is irrational especially as your FI’s fear of germs is really irrational. Is this you saying it about yourself or is it someone else labelling you?
Post # 14
+1 on the pop ups.
I stream tv shows/movies sometimes and holy balls there’s a lot of pop ups (and they’re usually dating/fucking/cam girls etc). I usually try and close them right away, but sometimes miss one or two. The other day I was going through my history trying to find a youtube tutorial I was on and there were SO many sex/dating sites in it LOL. It didn’t even occur to me that they’d show up in my history (duh), needless to say I’m going to be clearing my history more often incase anyone uses my computer, haha.
Post # 15
In my opinion I think they are pop ups. The only weird thing is that I have an iPad and I rarely get pop ups (usually you see that more on a PC) He may have just been looking at porn. I bet a lot of porn sites have dating websites that an easily be clicked on or cause pop ups.
If you have nothing else fishy going on, try to let it go. Sometimes we always think the worst. If you normally trust him then dont worry.
Post # 16
This kind of thing is why my partner and I are open with one another about porn. We don’t hide it. So there’s no suspicion, and no one gets hurt. Porn isn’t a shameful thing, just like solo masturbation and sex are two entirely different activities with different motivations and different types of personal intimacy and fulfillment.