Saw a dating website on FI's iPad…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I wish I could give you some good advice but I don’t know what I would do myself in your situation. 

It does concern me that he may have lied about accidently clicking an ad on his iPad only for you to discover similar website/s on his phone. It’s one thing to be looking at porn but a whole other cruising website for hook ups.

I don’t think you should bring it up again but be more vigilant for a little while till you feel he’s over this stage. 

Post # 4
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

It is possible it is a popup, but the fact that he still have it open and didn’t close it when it popped up is kinda fishy, sorry OP.

Post # 5
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m not an i-Phile, so I don’t know much about apple products, but my fiance once downloaded a stupid app on our shared Kindle Fire and it kept causing shit to pop-up on the kindle. I also know that ads, if I clicked on them and they popped up in the browser, I’d sometimes just use the “home” button to get out of the ad without exiting the ad because I didn’t want to wait for it to load, or I just didn’t realize it didn’t close…

But I have heard that apple products are better about that, unless he unlocked it, then maybe it would be more vulnerable? I’m not really sure.

I think you should go with your guts. You seem to believe that he isn’t the type. He doesn’t really have any suspicious behavior besides these porn things. It easily could be that he was looking at porn! If that’s all it is, then whatever. But if you don’t trust him, then that’s something that you’ll need to work on.

Post # 6
Member
918 posts
Busy bee

Porn sites are full of pop-ups, and I’m not surprised that he was a little embarrassed and didn’t want to show you the window.  I don’t think there’s anything fishy here at all.  It sounds like a simple case of a guy watching porn.

Post # 7
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

There is a website I go on to DL movies and without fail, every time, a porn pop up gets opened in a new window. Why would he show you something on his IPad if he knew he had a tab open and was planning to mess around? 

The free fuck find sounds fishy, but it could be a pop up from a porn site, or as you said part of a porn site he’s been looking at. 

I think I’d talk to him about it. Just explain that the pop up had you worried, you snooped and found a couple of weird sites- explain please.

Post # 8
Member
474 posts
Helper bee

@anonymouse1234:  I watch porn and I’ll tell you almost any porn site you visit, it has pop-ups. Sometimes a few. There have been times I “X-ed” one out without even noticing there was another one. 

In general, I still think most people get embarrassed to get caught looking at it, even if you’ve been together forever and know he watches it. 

Two weeks is also not a long time off from sex. 

To me it just sounds like you’re creating excuses to justify your irrational thoughts. 

 

Post # 9
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

To me it sounds like someone just watching porn.

Post # 10
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It’s the classic case of Guy watching porn and getting those stupid pop ups. You know when you type in a letter in the search bar, well a website popped up from my “history” and I clicked on it. It was a porn site and A few tabs popped up along with it. I asked SO about it and he flipped because our last computer got a nasty virus from one of these websites and he knew it was his friend looking at the page (guys are weird). guys will be guys that’s all I can say lol 

Post # 11
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Are you two comfortable with watching porn? It sounds like he was embarrassed and didn’t want to own up to it. 

Post # 12
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It’ll be a pop up from a streaming porn site. There are heaps that advertise hooks up close to you. I wouldn’t worry about it at all. 

Post # 13
Member
2210 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

I don’t think you are being irrational about the porn .  If you are upset about it then you need to talk to him about it.  I don’t think you are being irrational about him hiding what he looks at.  Again it is perfectly reasonable to discuss this.  

I don’t think that all this necessarily equates to him actually being unfaithful but I can see why your trust has been shaken.  This isn’t something that you were expecting.

You have to sort all this out before you are married.  You are right to need to talk to him seriously about all of this.  What is important to you has to be important to both of you.

I am curious why you believe your own thinking is irrational especially as your FI’s fear of germs is really  irrational.  Is this you saying it about yourself or is it someone else labelling you?

Post # 14
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

+1 on the pop ups.

I stream tv shows/movies sometimes and holy balls there’s a lot of pop ups (and they’re usually dating/fucking/cam girls etc). I usually try and close them right away, but sometimes miss one or two. The other day I was going through my history trying to find a youtube tutorial I was on and there were SO many sex/dating sites in it LOL. It didn’t even occur to me that they’d show up in my history (duh), needless to say I’m going to be clearing my history more often incase anyone uses my computer, haha.

Post # 15
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

In my opinion I think they are pop ups. The only weird thing is that I have an iPad and I rarely get pop ups (usually you see that more on a PC) He may have just been looking at porn. I bet a lot of porn sites have dating websites that an easily be clicked on or cause pop ups.

If you have nothing else fishy going on, try to let it go. Sometimes we always think the worst. If you normally trust him then dont worry.

Post # 16
Member
958 posts
Busy bee

This kind of thing is why my partner and I are open with one another about porn.  We don’t hide it.  So there’s no suspicion,  and no one gets hurt.  Porn isn’t a shameful thing, just like solo masturbation and sex are two entirely different activities with different motivations and different types of personal intimacy and fulfillment. 

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