Saw some messages on his phone, now I am heartbroken (LONG)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t have advice, but I’m so sorry. That would hurt my feelings so much. Being in a fight is not an excuse for him to say such hurtful things.

Post # 4
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@theplife:  What he said doesn’t bother me nearly as much as to whom he said it. I think almost everyone feels as though they are “settling” at one point or another. At another point, we may feel we are luckier than we ever imagined. I know I have been all over the board, especially when in discussion with my sister. However, to confide in another man or someone outside of my immediate circle of trust (sister, best friend, etc.) would be crossing a line and embarrassing for everyone.

How do you feel? Is it what he said that bothers you? The confidant? Both?

Post # 5
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

OMG. My heart just broke for you as I read your post! I can understand why you would be devastated by seeing such hurtful comments from your FI! How long have you been together? 

Post # 6
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

If the messages are roughly a month old, why is the conversation still in his phone? Why wasn’t it deleted?

Post # 7
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@theplife:  I would probably demand that he go to counseling and put any wedding plans on hold for the time being. I’m sorry – what a difficult situation. 

Post # 8
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Did this come out of the blue? If this is an independent incident I would try to forgive him. It could have just been said in anger. It sounds like he’s sorry and knows it was not an acceptable thing to say. Do you think you can forgive him? 

Post # 10
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Honestly, that’s not something I could ever forget/forgive him for. I don’t see why he’d say that if that wasn’t what his thoughts were. I’m so sorry for you.

Post # 11
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Honestly I don’t know whether his excuse is true or false… But if he is tellng the truth, I would explain to him why that hurt, and how it’s making your relationship look. He could be 100% madly in love with you, but all that girl will ever see now is that he settled for you. Your relationship should never spoken of in that way, even when you are upset. It’s disrespectful to the relationship and will change the way people see it.

Post # 12
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

This is hard.  Only you can decide what to do from here.  I think leaving him entirely is probably a drastic measure at this point since he is remorseful.  But I completely understand the broken trust.  I would probably not set a date for the wedding until things improve and you feel that you can trust him 100% again.  Maybe putting the engagement on pause like that would give him the kick in the butt he needs to stop confiding in this girl so much.

By the time you’re planning on getting married, I feel like your SO should be your best friend.  If he still is confiding things in a girl friend that he considers “close”…I don’t know.  I don’t like that word.  My DH isn’t close to any girls anymore.  We have a 100% open and honest relationship.  We tell each other everything.  I can’t imagine him telling someone else, let alone a girl, feelings that he won’t share with me.

I really feel for you, but I can’t tell you what to do.  Follow your heart on this one.

Post # 13
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m very sorry. There are two problems here: the fact that he was confiding back and forth with another woman, and the things he said. I think you already know what the best course of action is. I don’t think I could marry him.

Post # 14
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am so sorry! I have to ask…is the female friend he was talking to the one he “really loves” by chance? Is there any indication? I would be devastated and I don’t know if I could get past it. Once about 10 years ago I was in a 2 year relationship with a complete jerk who was cheating on me…and I found out some things I wish I had not, when he accidentally left his email logged in and a message up on my computer. I never could get past it. My heart breaks for you!

Post # 15
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 1993

So sorry you are going through this.  I don’t think I could continue with this marriage. I need to know that I am the “one”. I don’t want to be second best.  I personally don’t think people say such things unless that is what they are really feeling. I would move on. Life is too short.  You deserve the best. 

Post # 16
4089 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@theplife:   I am so sorry.  *hugs*   Personally I could never get those words out of my head.    You deserve a man who looks as you and thinks you’re the best, the one, the only.  We all deserve that.  

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