Post # 1
So, one of our invited guests didn’t make it to the wedding due to other obligations. We were bummed, but understood.
She sent me a facebook message saying that she was so sorry to miss it and asked if we were going on our honeymoon right away because she wanted to know where to send a gift but didn’t want to do it if we were away from our home (thus giving me the impression that the gift was being sent sooner rather than later.) I gave her my parent’s address as that was where all the registry gifts were being sent anyway and she said she was going to send it plus a little something extra to make up for her absence.I thought that was really sweet and generous as she wouldn’t even be at the wedding.
It never arrived. That was 2 months ago, but I was just going to let it ago. Then on my birthday, she posts on my facebook that she’s “putting a box in the mail to you TOMORROW!” (I assume this is the aformentioned wedding gift as I’ve only met this family member once before and would be super surprised with a birthday present from her.) Well…that was about 3 weeks ago.
It’s just…weird. I mean, a handful of other guests who actually attended the wedding did not get us wedding gifts or cards either–but that only bothers me because I’m freaking out that I may have misplaced some cards. I totally never expected anyone to give me a gift, but why continually bring it up if you aren’t going to send one?
I know she has our address as we went to her wedding earlier this year and we got all kinds of invites in the mail from her then. We also never recieved a thank you note from our gift to her wedding, though other family members have received TYs for their gifts. On other hand, the first invite she sent us was late as she had our address incorrect at the time (though everything after that got here fine with the correct zipcode after that.)
So, when asking if I should say something, I’m trying to give her an out–not hold her accountable for the absent gifts. Or is it better to just let it go?
Post # 3
She sounds a little scatter brained. I wouldn’t say anything…it could come off as you sounding like you’re demanding a gift.
Post # 4
That’s so strange. I don’t know why she’d lie about sending gift when she could have just never mentioned it. Based on her previous track record, I think it’s safe to assume that she hasn’t actually sent a gift and you probably shouldn’t expect one.
However, if you want to say something, you can just tell her your worried that her gift got lost in the mail because you never received it.
Post # 5
bumping for the late night bees. Thanks 🙂
Post # 6
I have a friend who does that. I asked her about it one day after we had had a few drinks and what she said was she sends the message and means to get the gift, but it never seems to happen. So she has good intentions, but horrible planning. I would just let it go, some friends suck at giving presents. So now when my friend says she has a gift for this or that, I just laugh because I know its never coming.
Post # 7
Sounds like you shouldn’t get your hopes up about a gift but like PP you could mention to her that you never received your gift and wanted to let her know that it may have gotten “lost” in the mail.
Post # 9
My mom totally does this to me all the time. For the past two holidays, and my birthday this past year, she’s “sent my gift out”. She recently pulled this with the stamps my grandmother bought as a gift and asked her to send us for our wedding invitations. So, I went out, bought the exact same stamps (after waiting over 3 weeks and many phone calls to receive), and when she got the invite in the mail, she claimed that she was just about to send those out! Haha. I told her that I was so worried they had gotten lost in the mail, and didn’t want to upset my grandmother, so I just took care of it.
Sorry. Off on a little tangent there. 😉 I say call, and tell her that you are worried it got lost in the mail, and you just wanted to check in with her. Can’t really harm anything, and if it has gotten lost, then fine, but if she hasn’t sent it out (most likely), then it’s only on her.
Post # 11
Let it go. I had 6 people do this to us within 3 days of our wedding. We had to pay for their plates anyhow, and alchohol. They didn’t even offer gifts. She wants to look good to FB friends in case you ever mention it to anyone that she didn’t send a gift, possibly.
I had a friend…a GOOD friend, who told me she couldn’t make it to the wedding as she had her cousins wedding that weekend. I was realyl bummed. She kept posting to my FB wall that we need to get together soon, she is so happy for us, she considers me one of her better friends…blah blah.
Ya, she went to the cottage for the long weekend with her cousins. There was no wedding. Got the FB wall photos to prove it.
The afterglow of my wedding has been abruptly replaced by the jarring feeling that most people cannot seem to put themselves aside for one day and just be there for the couple and realize it means a lot to them…and no gift, FB post or words can replace the simple act of showing up on one of the most important days of your life.
Post # 13
As the others have said, some people just suck at giving gifts and it sounds like your friend is one of them.
You could say to her, very nicely, that you never received anything from her and express your concern that it might have been lost or stolen and they she may want to ask the post office about it.
But in all likelihood, you won’t be getting any kind of gift from her and you may as well just let it go.