(Closed) say what?!?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Awww ((hugs)), I’m sorry this happend, it sounds like a major let down! Maybe he is just saying this to confuse you so you won’t be expecting it on V-day?

I hope his health issues can be sorted out, I can’t imagine how much stress that must be causing the both of you, as for his mother well, she just sounds plain rude!! has is been like this from the beginning of your relationship or was there a time where you got along at all?

I hope it all works out for the best, I will keep my fingers crossed for a V-day surprise!

Post # 4
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

It sucks that you might not get what you had hoped for (and I am truly sorry for that), but if you’re saying he might die in the next few months then maybe a Valentine’s Day proposal shouldn’t be your top priority. 

If you were just exaggerating, don’t. Either you’re worried about his health or you’re worried about having to stop your count down. 

In my opinion, health > VDay proposal. 

Post # 5
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Sounds like he doesn’t want to get engaged, since that’s pretty much what he told you.

Post # 6
Member
2265 posts
Buzzing bee

@Kat_Kit2000:  +1

His health should be the number one priority right now. It sounds as if he’s being very smart by wanting to wait if his health is in jeopardy. 

Post # 7
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee

@annasaf83:  If you are in NY there are definitely doctors who will see him sooner.

As for the parents, why didnt they just say yes and offer help? why bring up his mother? My SO’s parents like me and are supportive of our union but even if we didnt get on my folks wouldnt bring that up during that talk.

He’s clearly got a lot on his mind. perhaps frame it as you want to go through this as a unit. If he needs to go to the hospital make sure you have a wifes rights ahead of time. health issues can cause problems if you arent family. I assume he wnts you in control and not his mother jic anything goes wrong.

good luck!

Post # 8
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with the other posters about needing to prioritise his health etc….

 

But also, I’m so sorry this has happened. I’ve read your previous posts and felt your excitement, to be counting down and get this close…. Well it must feel awful :-(.  I feel really sad for you.

I hope you’re ok, definitely be supportive to him with his health issues -keep calling the Dr, it’s usually those who shout the loudest who get seen! But keep venting on here if you need to, it doesn’t make you uncaring or a bad person because you feel disappointed about the delay.

Big hugs and hang in there.

Post # 9
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I dont think he wants to get engaged, don’t push him into it

Post # 10
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

Just wanted to send big, huge hugs your way, and hope his health issues and things with the two of you get resolved soon. Hang in there!

Post # 11
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee

Um, yeah, I think you need to allowed in his mother’s house before you get engaged.  

Post # 12
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

So, why does your dad say he needs your SO’s mom and you to get along? Your SO is asking your parents permission and not your SO’s mom. Why are you parents concerned about you and SO’s mom relationship? Am I missing something, like, are they family friends and don’t want to hurt SO mom’s’s feelings? 

Post # 13
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I want to send you some big hugs because my heart just aches for you. I don’t think that he does not want to get engaged though. I disagree with that. I have followed your posts and never did it look like he didn’t want to get engaged, I think he got let down by the talk with your parents, but he hasn’t changed his mind about marrying you. You know how guys are, someone points out something they didn’t think of and it’s like this huge shock.

I also don’t think you should let his mom influence you. You are going to be marrying him, not his mom. It sounds like no matter what, she will never like any girl in his life. You cannot wait for her to come around, what if it never happens?! My parents have been married for 38 years, dated for 8 years before that. My grandparents HATED my dad, actually they still really don’t like him. But my parents never let that stop them.

Also in regards to his health issues, I recently had some health issues and it was really difficult on both me and my SO. You’re a team and when one of you isn’t well, it’s both of you. My guy recently told me that while I was dealing with all this, he couldn’t even think about getting engaged, he was too focused on getting me well. I think guys can only focus on one thing at a time, and this may be taking over his thoughts. Btw, the 3 month wait for a specialist is completely normal. He can literally call every day and ask if they have any cancelations in the meantime.

I really hope that he can get his health issues sorted out and in to see a doctor sooner than later. Maybe you could tell him that your parents gave him their blessing but think you definitely need get his mom to come around by the time you are married. Hey you don’t know, getting engaged could soften her up a little bit. Good luck and Hugs!!

Post # 14
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

he’s not ready and honestly if his health issues are so severe he could die without treatment asap, engagement should be the last thing on your mind.

Post # 15
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

@annasaf83:  Your FMIL might just be an incredibly difficult person. You may never get along with her, but does that mean you shouldn’t ever marry your SO? Hell no! it will work out in the end. I know plenty of people with a MIL from hell, and the couple just make it work. Maybe your SO could talk to his mother and find out why she has such a problem with you, and that he’d like her to make an effort to get along with you because you’re not going anywhere.

As for the urologist appointment – your SO could call the doctor that referred him and tell them he’s concerned that the appointment is 3 months away and will this be okay. The doctor will either say it’s fine, or it’s not fine and may even call on his behalf to see if they can work something out sooner. Your SO could also call the urologist back and ask that he be called if they have any cancellations because his medical issue is really concerning him.

Post # 16
Member
28 posts
Newbee

@annasaf83

where to begin? First, I’m very very sorry that this came up merely one week and a half before

the proposal. I think that one thing that could help is if you invited his mom to lunch and talked about her concerns and also what your goals are with her son. One of those is to help him get healthy which I’m certain will be a mutual goal for you Both. Tell her it can not be helpful for him to face whatever health issue he’s fighting with the certain stress that typically follows when a mother is so against a relationship he is in. Let her know that you are certain that he would love it if he could spend time with her without it becoming a power struggle between his two most important ladies. (Been there and believe me it is hell. She may wind up becoming a small part of his life and grand children in the future) it sounds like she is cutting off her nose to spite her face… Help her see that.

if you and her can get past this, this will be helpful to all involved and can help put things on track. It’ll also show him how you were willing to try. Perhaps you’ve already tried this and if so im sorry things have become so complicated. Things can only get better, it just may take a tad longer. 

 

*hugs*

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