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Hello Ladies.
i just wanted to Thank all of you for all the great advice and comments. I think that I have come to the realization that it's just not going to happen with my BF. As much as I want it to, it's not going to. I just feel deep down that he is never going to want to marry me and I need to accept that and figure what me and my kids are going to do. I have loved him from the moment I met him and my kids have come to love him, but he is never going to marry me. Yeah, we looked at rings and he opened up his Kay car. Honestly I think he only did that to make me think he was actually going to propose. I got my hopes up and beleived it. His friend at work has told me that my BF has talked a lot lately about marrying me and all that but when he starts a fight with me for no reason and is just downright mean, it makes me think otherwise. I wish that I could convince my heart differently. I wish I could whole-heartedly believe that he is going to propose but I can't. I am just so upset and can not stop crying. I am so sorry to burden you guys with my problems. I hope each one of you gets your dream ring and dream proposal from the man of your dreams. The man of mine doesn't want me as his wife and I have to come to gripes with that.
Take care
waitingprincess- I'm sorry to hear that you think it is the end of the road. I think you need to relax a bit and give him time to do things in his own way. Your other posts have indicated that it is in the works. Be patient and like I told you yesterday, be excited that your on the verge of getting engaged!
Good luck
NOOOOO! I think you are having a "waiting" breakdown! I thought a few days ago everything was fine! ***HUGS*** Just calm down and take a few deep breaths! I am sure everything will be fine!
waitingprincess - i have been reading your posts and i think you just need to calm yourself down a bit (((hugs))). i'm not sure why you're giving up hope, maybe there is more to it than you're posting, but it seems like your guy is on his way to proposing. i know how frustrating it can be to wait, i started many fights with my FI pre-proposal, many of which involved tears. he had the ring the whole time but didn't want to just give it to me because i was upset.
try to relax and think rationally. it sounds like you might need to have a serious chat with your guy. don't throw your love away over a ring! he needs to do this on his own time. why are you so convinced he's not going to propose?
I agree with OttawaBride2011! I know it's hard, but what brought all of this on now?
Good luck. I agree with vintage2010 that the best thing you could do is relax and just enjoy your time with him, it will happen when it happens. If you stress too much about it, then it turns all of us girls into emotional messes. If he really isn't your prince charming, then I wish you all the best.
I thought that everything was going wonderful. We haven't argued over anything since we went and looked at rings. Then all of sudden today he texts me while I am at work and starts a fight. He said some really mean things and it just hurt bad. I don't know how he can one day say to his friend at work that he is going to go and buy my ring this month and then the very next day act like a huge d***! Excuse my language. I don't get it. Guys do not get PMS. They just don't. It just broke my heart to the point that it has me feeling like he is never going to propose.
Agree with pp's that I think you need to just take a deep breath and relax. I don't know what suddenly made you think he is not going to propose, but from your previous posts, it seems like the proposal is in the works. There's no expiration date for rings or proposals or anything...it will happen when it happens. A lot of posters on here (myself included) were with their guys for years and years, living together, etc. before they got engaged. I think you're working yourself up too much about what others are saying, what your fiance is saying to co-workers, fixation on "when" it's going to happen, etc.
You looked at rings, he opened a Kay card. Normally guys don't just do these things on a Saturday for fun. Relax...it will happen.
So you're willing to give up on him just because you don't have the patience to wait for him to propose?
If you ask me, him not proposing (yet) doesn't mean that he loves you any less. Nor does it mean that he is not going to at all. If your relationship is going well and you're both happy with each other, then why let something like the lack of a proposal get in the way of your true happiness? I think that you should take a step back and analyze why it is that you are willing to let go so easily.
Us women are way too emotional. I think you should just be happy with your relationship if it's going well. Otherwise, as unstable as you come across here, if you keep letting that overpower your logical thinking, you're going to push him away. Just my thought.
I wish you only the very best.
You need to follow your heart but you owe it to yourself to not make any rash decisions. I don't know the whole story but if if it's not working out then it's not working out but I thought I read a post from you earlier today about him possibly trading in your ring for an e-ring tomorrow and you needed to leave it for him to trade in or something. It just seems like I'm missing something here.
You guys will be fine! You got into a lover quarrel and you are already emotional (speaking from experience and still going through it) so you are taking it a bit hard! Sing With Me ***Don't Worry..Be Happy***
I have to throw my two cents in. One of the things I think is the very most important in our lives - whether it is a romantic or friendly relationship - is that we are being treated well and we are happy. It is such a blessing to have people who care for you, and for you to care for them.
I have been in many LTRs, and for the first time when I recently became single last year I began to actually "date". I met many men, have a lot of funny stories, and genuinely came to the conclusion that "THE one" did not exist for me. I cried, but I came to terms with the belief that I was bound to have lovers and not a husband. This was a trying period in my life where I questioned my spirituality and my 'plan', and what exactly I wanted versus what was truly important.
When I met SO, I was broken but hopeful. And very skeptical. SO was similtaneously everything and nothing I had expected, and every hour that goes by even now I feel ridiculously blessed to have had the experience. If SO and I parted, I would be devastated - BUT - I would still be thankful that God brought us together, and that I got to EXPERIENCE love like I had always wanted. And that means I treated him the way I always envisioned I would treat the man of my life, even when I don't feel like it and I'm tired.
Don't get caught up in engagement and wedding fever. I would balk at anything ANYONE demanded or tried to manipulate me into doing, even if it was right. I am NOT saying that you're doing this, but please understand any emotion or reaction you have - he will notice. You are so lucky to have a man who treats you well (from what I gather, since you have spoken highly and want to be with him for the rest of your lives). What is important is that we have each other. Everything else is symbolism. After the engagement and wedding, all of the problems you have will still be there... and all of the love and experiences to go with them. The real relationship is that you cherish each other every day, unconditionally.
I hope you decide to stay. I have no idea when SO is going to propose to me, and I even second guess it at times. But I realized what was most important to me is him. Regardless of anything else. He is my rock. And my ring, and my home, and my bestfriend. :)
Yeah, I'm sorry you're stressed out but I think that's all it is. There was tension between us and some fights before the proposal happened - I just felt a little insecure until I finally got the ring.
If you two were meant to be like you've been saying things will calm down and go back to normal. You will get your ring! Don't worry, just take some time to relax!
@chaotic bliss: true dat!
@waitingprincess: i think if you get yourself worked up and you get it in your head that you want things to be over, you may end up self-sabotaging a good thing. a lot of us have been where you're at, and at least from what i've read thus far from my short time of being on these boards, things on the whole will turn out the positive side. guys sometimes tend to act like dumbasses despite the fact that they are madly in love you. it seems like you need a vacation, or a least a couple of days to remove yourself from the environment and decompress. sometimes negative energy breeds more negative energy, so it might be good to get away for a couple of days, de-stress yourself, and come back with a fresh perspective. that way you might be better able to assess what's really going on (you just being really stressed and freaking out, or if he's really not planning to take the plunge with you). even if it's just getting in your car and driving somewhere for a day with a girl friend or a family member. have any trips planned?
I don't mean to sound crazy. I'm really not. I am just a very sensitive and emotional person. My oldest daughter is the exact same way. We get our feelings hurt very very easily. I think that because I have been so happy and so excited with him and then to have this huge step in our loves come up made me even more excited and happy that when he started the fight and said some mean things I took it harder then usual. I want to be with him forever. I look at him when he is playing with my kids and it melts my heart. I love hearing him tell them he loves them before they go to bed. I just wish he wasn't so darn moody. My gosh.
waiting, i don't think anyone here thinks you're crazy (or is even implying that you are)! i'm a pisces, and i am exactly the same way. i've lost track of the number of times i've sobbed in the last year over all kinds of things, most especially those related to my relationship. it's a bumpy ride, and sometimes you lose control of the wheel and steer off course, but eventually you find your way back. i cant wait to hear about the proposal when it happens! :)
IF it happens. I really appreciate having WB to vent to. I don't want to go home and have him see me this upset. And I definitely don't want to say something I may regret to him. I just don't understand how for the last 2 weeks he has been talking about buying a ring, proposing, getting married and all of that stuff and then today he flips a 180 and is a complete jerkface. Maybe he's having second thoughts and is afraid to tell me and hurt me.
WOW, you really need to just take a step back and relax a bit before making any rash judgements. MEN ARE HUMAN TOO. They have a right to be moody, get upset and yes as anyone does sometimes, say mean things. Do you not think that even if he proposed tonight he might not act like that again 10 years down the road?
I honestly think you are pushing way too hard. You have even said you have control issues. You cannot control everything and I know you said you are working on it but walking away because you feel he is not getting his act togethor is ridiculous! Guys just dont do the things he did for no reason. Give him some credit and give him so time. There is no time frame on these things! Maybe he wants to do things a certain way, you need to let him and I am sorry but his anger maybe because you may be pushing him away with the relentless upset feelings over it not happening fast enough. An engagement is a short period, a marriage is forever and really its worth fighting for and most importantly, WAITING for. OF course we dont know every detail and only can see what you tell us, but if I was always getting upset and pushed my DH as much as I feel you are, he would have gotten a little upset too. I just dont feel proposals should come with timelines, guidelines, ultimatiums etc.
Just take sometime to yourself and think what is best for you and what you want. I really think you should sit down with your BF and explain your feelings, as best as you can without getting upset and tell him your fears, worries and see where he is coming from. Ask him how he feels, what his goals are, his worries and fears! He may have some too. But I think a heart to heart conversation is what you need first before you do anything rash.
I am sorry and good luck.
No goodbyes, you just have to relax and be patient. Maybe you BF is just being a jerk because he's stressed out and nervous! Granted he shouldn't use you as an emotional punching bag just straight up tell him that what he said was very hurtful, there's no shame in that!
I think you need to take a breather here!
Not everything is related to the proposal - he might just be having a bad day and maybe you pissed him off without knowing!
Deal with one thing at a time - talk to him about why he is mad and get over this fight and DON'T bring up the proposal because I am sure that it is unrelated!
Good Luck!
I don't even know how I would have made him mad. He texted me while he was at lunch. The lunch that I lovingly pack everyday for him at 5am. and do not say one word about doing. He was just being his pissy moody self and thought it would be fun to start a fight and be a di**. He was so sweet this morning. I get up out of bed and make his lunch and then go back to bed for a while until I have to get up and get ready. Well the last few mornings he has made his side of the bed and then on my side he pulls the covers down for me and puts my pillow how I like it and turns the news on for me. I just don't get how he could have gone from being super sweet this morning and then a complete jerk this afternoon.
I hope you're right. He will feel pretty bad if all he gets in lunches from now on are rotten tuna sandwiches. He better be nice.
I am sure men think the same about us! I think we all have had OUR moments of bliss then the smallest thing can set us off. Once again, it could be a thousand other things making him upset! You can not take his bad moods so personally all the time. Life happens and sometimes, life sucks and puts us in funky moods whether anyone understands them or not. Whenever my DH is a bad mood and honestly I can not blame him at all, he works 3 jobs, one of them being a police officer (you see some crummy crap) I just tell him I am sorry he is having a bad day, ask if there is anything I can do for him and just support him. Then I give him some alone time whether its at home or I dont call or text him. Why do I do this? Because this is what he does for me when I am upset and it works. I can ask him for help or tell him without saying anything, I just need to be alone to vent. Everything else waits. We dont bombarde each other with tasks, bills or other issues. Just make sure if he did hurt your feelings you tell him when you both are able to talk about it.
Maybe he's stressed out with the pressure to propose, as well? Cause we know you are darlin! And it sucks ... waiting around .. but you can tough through this! I know it! Have faith, hun, seriously. Talk to him. I bet he'll surprise you ... ya know?
So a few days ago you were thrilled about the opening of the Kay card, then yesterday you were upset because it hadn't happened "yet", this morning you were going to leave him because you "don't think he wants to marry you", and now you're back on track and NOT leaving him anymore?
I'm so confused by your roller coaster of emotions. I bet your guy is too. I think you need to do some serious reflecting about whether you are emotionally ready for the commitment that marriage takes.
I'm sorry to hear about that, waitingprincess. Guys definately PMS, and they aren't always the best at talking about things that bother them. That being said, I've felt almost the same way you have. I felt like it was never going to happen and I thought I it should maybe be over. But the truth is, he's the love of my life. He's the one for me, the one I never thought existed. If that's the case, then it's just too special to let my emotions convince me to let him go, just like that. Try to hold on, and give it some thought. You will know what the right decision is, but try not to make any life changes decisions so fast.
I think you've gotten a lot of good advice so I won't add to much. I just want to point out that marriage has its ups and downs. You are never not going to fight - that's just not realistic - and just b/c he's in a bad mood now doesn't mean he isn't going to propose soon. Cut him some slack. He's being a jerk and later he will probably be nice. We all do that...it's called being human. I can't tell you how many times I've bitten my FH's head off b/c I was cranky and vice versa (please, when the man is hungry you'd think I was dangling a steak in his face and saying he cant have any!)
Take a deep breath, remember why you love him and why you want to be with him for the rest of your life and then carry on with your day.
I have been to marry this man since I met him. Everything has been going so perfect for us lately. We went and picked out rings and he open his card and all that. I got so super excited and then yesterday and today he turns into jerkface. It was as if you flipped a switch. I don't want to leave him but I just don't understand why yesterday and today he is so crabby. It's just hurtful when he is pissy and takes it out on me.
perhaps express that you're feeling underappreciated?
WaitingPrincess--There is NOTHING that you can do to make him propose! I wish there was some magical dish or wand but it isn't!
Sweetie, he will do it in his own time! You can pout, you can cry but NOTHING! (Well maybe this is only with my guy) But anyways, guys move at their very own slooooooooow pace! But we love the slow pokes anyway!
Wipe your eyes and go home and enjoy your man!
I'm really sorry you're feeling this way... but maybe he's just a slow mover? My FI and I looked at rings a year before he proposed. It made me mental.
Definitely try to relax & enjoy your time together. The more you press or harp on the issue of "when", the more its going to make you feel this way & probably just prolong the engagement.
Take one day at a time. He wants a future with you. You want one with him. How long have you been together?
I agree, my FI flipped last week & it's because of major stress at work. I cried & cried because it was so out of character, but he apologized & explained he was just overwhelmed with everything going on right now! Cut him some slack :)
He and I have been together for 3 years in March. I think the biggest thing is that I got way too much info from his friend he works with. I think if I knew less then what I do, then I wouldn't be so emotional. I tell ya though, I hope he does it soon cause I am at the point of being crazied out. I think I need a very large margarita and some con queso. That is always good comfort food and the alcohol is an added bonus.
I wonder if he isn't trying to throw you off to surprise you? Isn't he supposed to pick up the ring tomorrow according to your coworker? I wonder if something happened and that's why he is in a bad moodm it doesn't sound like it has to do with you at all... Maybe something happened to screw up his plans... Do you think his coworker said something to him?
I think you need to talk to him about it, and about setting a deadline. I nearly left last Christmas because he was supposed to ask me by then, and I felt like the fact he knew it was important to me and he knew I was waiting for him to ask (and I had promised not to ask), and he knew how unhappy it made me that he hadn't asked, I came to the conclusion that he couldn't possibly want to marry me. I finally had a total breakdown and had to talk to him about it. I very nearly decided that I wasn't going to torment myself anymore by waiting, but I finally decided to give him another three months. That was my decision though. I understand why you want to leave, especially if you think he is just doing stuff to keep you from asking.
If he is making you unhappy, regularly, yes, you should leave. However, if sometimes he does something and it seems worse because he not only did one thing that hurt your feelings, he is continually doing something else that hurts your feelings (not proposing) and it makes it seem like he doesn't care about your feelings, then things can seem worse than they really are. If this is what you are going through, I think it's time to sit down with him and set a timeline.
I don't think his friend at work said anything to him that he was texting me and telling me stuff. My BF would be super pi**ed. I did just get a text from my BF that he has to go into work tomorrow and I had to move his haircut appt. He works 4 12 hour days during the week and has a very manual job and I guess they all got told that they have to go in tomorrow which is normally his day off.
You know what I would do? When he's at work, if you can manage (you mentioned kids), take some time out for yourself for a little while. If I were in your situation... I would go get a latte, book a mani/pedi in the AM, and maybe get a blowout at a cheap salon.
In fact... maybe I want to do that anyways, damn it. :)
I would tell the friend at work to mind his own business too and stay out of it and quite telling you stuff! Not being harsh, but seriously, he is kind of ruining things! Damn, he may tell you when and where BF will propose and now where is the fun in that?! Just let him know to please dont tell you anything more because its getting you in a tailspin and really this should be the most exciting time of your life, not the most sad and tortureous!
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