Post # 1
So…all of my friends and family are spread out throughout the country, and I was thinking of just forgoing a bridal shower since no one (or two or three) location(s) would work for everybody. Also, I kind of hate showers 😉 I figure that as my pre-wedding activity I will just take my bridesmaids out for a little bridesmaids tea party to thank them for all their support.
The only thing is that I know that my FMIL is planning a shower for my fiance’s brother’s fiancee (sorry to be so confusing) and may want to do something similar for me (I should mention that I live in CA and she lives in NY and "her" shower would be in NY, as that is what she is planning for the other girl). I would really rather have her not go to all the trouble since I’m really not that into showers, and because I won’t even be having one in my hometown since I’ve already told my bridesmaids I don’t want one.
Should I tell my fiance to just mention to his mom that I would rather not have a shower if the topic comes up? Or would that sound ungrateful? I definitely don’t want to offend her. Any advice would be appreciated!
Post # 3
What does this event mean to each of you? It sounds like you don’t really care and that she cares enough to want to throw one for you. Why not let her? No real harm done, right? Unless of course, flying out there would cost too much and isn’t in the budget.
Post # 4
Yeah, I don’t think I would fly clear across the country for a shower – unless maybe I used to live there and so there would be a ton of old friends. If your FMIL throws you a shower who will she invite? Do you have friends there? Or will it be pretty much the women on his side of the family and their friends? It’s certainly a nice gesture, and maybe she wants to show you off to her friends, but you’re not obligated to travel cross-country for that sort of thing unless you really want to. I think of a shower as a sort of party full of MY friends, if I am the bride. Am I wrong about that?
If it was me, I would wait until it came up though. And it might be more polite, if it does come up, to thank her yourself, and tell her that its not necessary, too much to do, can’t afford the time or the ticket, whatever excuse yourself rather than having your FI do it.
Does your FI’s brother’s FI live across the country too? Or does she actually live near your FMIL?
Post # 5
That’s a good point. If she really wants to throw a shower there’s definitely no harm in letting her. Although, what would I do about inviting people? If it is in NY, none of my bridesmaids and very few (if any) of my other girlfriends would be able to attend. I don’t want to invite people I know can’t attend because I don’t want it to look like I am just seeking gifts, but on the other hand I wouldn’t want to exclude them because it would be the only shower. Hmmm….
Post # 6
Ooops, I didn’t see Suzanno’s post till just now. The brother’s FI lives half way across the country in the midwest. But I heard she is also having a shower in her home town (and it seems like FMIL is expecting me to go to both, but that is a story for another day).
I’m not sure who my FMIL would invite to the shower…presumably relatives on her side but I’m not sure who else. I haven’t heard about the guest list for the brother’s FI’s shower yet, as it is still several months away.
Post # 7
Haha – I pretty much hate showers too 🙂 I got out of it since I only had 4 months to plan my wedding. Plus I was in a wedding the weekend before mine – so I had to go to her shower and bach party during those months. I had a girl’s weekend with my friends at a lake house. It was so relaxing and fun.
Anyways…. the only advantage I could see of a shower hosted by FMIL with his family and her other friends would be a chance to get to know these women in a smaller group and form some bonds. If they are all coming to the wedding – it might help you to actually ‘know’ them, rather than them just being ‘guests’ from his side. So it might help make your actual wedding day more personal/intimate?? Plus she’ll enjoy hosting it.
That doesn’t mean you need to have another one in your town – or force all your bridesmaids to attend that shower or anything.
If you REALLY don’t want a shower – talk with your fiance about it and gage how he thinks his mother would react? He should have a clue if she would be really offended – or relieved!!
Maybe she could host a ‘double shower’ for both her sons "future wive’s" This would take some of the pressure off you being the center of attention. I’m sure the guest list would be similar if neither of you are from that town. Plus it would make her job easier!! How close are your weddings to each other?? This way you could travel once for ‘both’ showers 🙂 Are you close to your ‘future sister in law’?
Post # 8
Our weddings are about a half year apart, but I wouldn’t mind doing a get together thing super early so that it can be before my future sister in law’s wedding. Not sure how my future sister in law would feel about a double shower though 😉