(Closed) saying no to a bridal shower?

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

What does this event mean to each of you?  It sounds like you don’t really care and that she cares enough to want to throw one for you.  Why not let her?  No real harm done, right?  Unless of course, flying out there would cost too much and isn’t in the budget.

Post # 4
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Yeah, I don’t think I would fly clear across the country for a shower – unless maybe I used to live there and so there would be a ton of old friends.  If your FMIL throws you a shower who will she invite?  Do you have friends there?  Or will it be pretty much the women on his side of the family and their friends?  It’s certainly a nice gesture, and maybe she wants to show you off to her friends, but you’re not obligated to travel cross-country for that sort of thing unless you really want to.  I think of a shower as a sort of party full of MY friends, if I am the bride.  Am I wrong about that?

If it was me, I would wait until it came up though.  And it might be more polite, if it does come up, to thank her yourself, and tell her that its not necessary, too much to do, can’t afford the time or the ticket, whatever excuse yourself rather than having your FI do it.

Does your FI’s brother’s FI live across the country too?  Or does she actually live near your FMIL?

Post # 7
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

Haha –  I pretty much hate showers too ๐Ÿ™‚  I got out of it since I only had 4 months to plan my wedding.  Plus I was in a wedding the weekend before mine – so I had to go to her shower and bach party during those months.  I had a girl’s weekend with my friends at a lake house.  It was so relaxing and fun.

Anyways….  the only advantage I could see of a shower hosted by FMIL with his family and her other friends would be a chance to get to know these women in a smaller group and form some bonds.  If they are all coming to the wedding – it might help you to actually ‘know’ them, rather than them just being ‘guests’ from his side.  So it might help make your actual wedding day more personal/intimate??  Plus she’ll enjoy hosting it.

That doesn’t mean you need to have another one in your town – or force all your bridesmaids to attend that shower or anything.

If you REALLY don’t want a shower – talk with your fiance about it and gage how he thinks his mother would react?  He should have a clue if she would be really offended – or relieved!!

Maybe she could host a ‘double shower’ for both her sons "future wive’s" This would take some of the pressure off you being the center of attention.  I’m sure the guest list would be similar if neither of you are from that town.  Plus it would make her job easier!!  How close are your weddings to each other??  This way you could travel once for ‘both’ showers ๐Ÿ™‚  Are you close to your ‘future sister in law’?

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