Post # 1
Okay, so I am kind of scared to go through pre-marriage counseling =/. I am scared that because my fiance is not as religious as I am or does not particularly believe in what I do that we will be deemed “unfit” to be married. I am very firm in my faith, and we both have discussed how we will raise our children, how we want our home life to be, how important the Christian faith will be in our home, etc; however, can pre-marriage counselors (ours will be longtime friends of the family) tell us “no, you are unfit to be married?” I have never been through this, and don’t know anyone close to me that has. He does not want me to walk the spiritual path alone, and always makes it a priority to pray for one another, go to my church, and encourage me to be a better Christian…I am just scared that they will zone in on the fact that he is not a firm Christian (although, have seen MAJOR spiritual growth this year =)) , and will say “nope, this is not going to work”…i just need some words of advice from those of who are going through it/have been through it. Thanks!
I would marry him, no matter what they think or believe…He is my best friend, and honestly, I know that he is God’s perfect prince for me…I just want to understand what happens during pre-marriage counseling sessions
Post # 3
I’m in about the same situation as you, except that my hubby is probably even less of a believe then you indicate your FI is. Anton is basically open to talk about it and willing to go to church with me every so often, but his religious background has turned him off of religion to a great extent. He was very worried about the pre-marital counseling (even though with our situation we were already married before we started it) and being judged about his lack of religious beliefs as well as other things like our living together prior to marriage, and the whole getting married by civil ceremony and then having my pastor marry us again in front of God and family later.
I’ll admit that I had some slight worries about it as well, but I also knew my pastor very well and I knew that he already knew a lot about our situation prior to agreeing to be the officiant for our wedding.
I can’t speak for every pastor out there, but my pastor is an amazing man with such a huge heart. He’s truly there to support and guide, whether that’s by talk or action, and he follows Jesus’s example. He definitely talked to us about the potential problems we could face because of our differing views of religion, and questioned us as to whether we had talked out how we would handle raising our kids (we want kids). But he talked over ALL potential problems we could have from communication, to religion, to family/personal morals, to work ethics. We walked away from our counseling sessions and were profoundly glad that we’d done them! My hubby went from apprehensive to looking forward to the next session to bummed that the sessions were done. 🙂
My advice is to go into it with an open heart and willing to really talk to your pastor/minister/priest about your different views of things and the thought you’ve put into that and what plans you have to make it cohesive – i.e. him attending church with you/discussing topics of interest, your plans for children and how you’ll handle religion in the raising of them (if you plan to have kids), etc.
Like you, I know that Anton was brought into my life by God’s hand. 🙂
Feel free to pm me if you want someone to talk to or have any questions! 🙂
Post # 4
I don’t think you should be worried. The pre.marriage counseling is usually an occasion to discuss marriage topics that couples might have never thought of or discussed together, so that the couple can either feel more secure in their decision or wonder if they are ready for the big step. It’s also an occasion for pastors to try to rein in wandering sheep, as these sessions (where I am from) are mandatory to be able to marry in a church.
Honestly, if they would deem people to be unfit for marriage because of their weak beliefs, I think there would be lots of less people getting married in church…
Post # 5
I LOVED pre-marriage counseling. We went through it with a pastor at our church and his wife (who was a bridesmaid in our wedding). They were long time great friends of mine, so I know that helped some.
I’m sure all pre-marriage counseling sessions are different, but the idea is to prepare you for marriage. They asked things in our pre-mariatal like “What does a Saturday look like to you?”, “Who will cook, who will do yard work”, “How will you do holidays”
They also went over scriptures regarding marriage. Something my pastor said that I LOVED was that my husband and I are the completed and most important part of our family. Kids do not complete your family. He talked about how when God made Eve for Adam, the family was completed. – He went into other things with that, but what he taught us on that was great!
I don’t think you should be nervous! The ABSOLUTE worse that could happen is the Pastor could say that he does not feel comfortable marrying you two, and you would have to find a different Pastor. However, based on what you said, I don’t think that’s going to happen!
Good luck! Relax and enjoy it! You’ll learn a ton! : )
Post # 6
I think each pastor is different. I’ve never heard of a pastor saying you are unfit to get married. It’s more like a guide or a heads up for marriage. Unless something is extremely wrong (abuse, addiction, or something) I would think that the pastor would be fine to marry you. No relationship is perfect!
Post # 7
In ours so far we have talked about what God wants in marriage. We talked about divorce and how it shouldn’t be an option, how men and women are different (and how to deal with these differences) the whole thing about love and submission… and just other things about how marriage is made to glorify God.
Post # 8
Well, I was just as worried as you girls when we started our counseling. But to be honest, the pastor is not there to tell you: “you can’t be married” or “I won’t marry you” The whole point is to make sure that you both are ready for this huge life-long commitment that you will be going into. And also to get you talk about the things you want out of your marriage. Things you might not have always thought, or talked about.Ours has all been designed to make sure that we are not entering into this mariage lightly, and to talk about all of the important things in our everyday life togther. ie-how many children we want, what about a household budget, will we be combining finances, how do we plan to resolve strong issues when they arise, our relationships with eachother’s families, making sure our relationship comes first- etc, etc.
And as far as your belief systems… No one is identical in their beliefs. If your pastor doesn’t understand that, then who will???
Post # 9
Thank you Bees! I actually felt MUCH better after reading your advice and words of encouragement! Honestly, I don’t know what I was so scared about!! I mean, cmon, I LOVE this man, and can talk about everything with him, all we need to do is be open to our counselors (friends of my family for YEARS!), and focus on the love we share. There is really nothing to be afraid of…I KNOW 110% that this man I am marrying is God’s best for me, and with that, I will go to counseling ready to just be open and willing to take away tools to handle our life together! Thank you all very much!
Post # 10
I understand your concerns entirely! But don’t forget, the Christian church is brought up on the belief that no one is perfect. So what if your FI’s faith isn’t the strongest? Sounds like he is more than willing to work on building a spiritual foundation both for himself and with you, his future wife.
The counseling is there to make sure you’re considering God in as you move forward toward marriage, and also to make sure you’ve talked about the things that really matter before you enter the sacred union.
He’s not going to tell you that you’re unfit to be married. He will be helping you both prepare emotionally and spiritually for starting your lives together. 🙂
Post # 11
I was in the SAME situation as you. We went through pre-marital counceling and really it wasn’t an issue because he supports me whole-heartedly and even agreed to be open-minded and think about possibly in the future giving himself to Christ. I wouldn’t worry about it too much, the main focus of the counceling was helping us discuss who we are and what we value as a couple. Good luck!
Post # 12
pre marital counseling so far has been the best thing my FI and have ever done. before he met me, he had no faith background. we currently attend the same church and have been for about a year, and he is soaking up every bit that he can. he loves learning more about god every day! he is definitely a baby christian, but what matters is his open mindedness and willing to learn.
in our counseling session so far we haven’t even talked about our faith. we have mostly talked about communication and putting each other before everything else. we have also talked about love languages and learning how to express love to each other. our faith really hasn’t even gotten touched on. as long as your FI says he supports your faith and has an open mind, i am sure you have NOTHING to worry about.