Scared? Anxious? Depressed?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
6671 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think you sharing your story is really important.  I think I have told mine before on the Bee, but if it helps another woman… I’ll tell it again.

With my first baby, I experienced depression during the preganancy.  I knew all about post partum depression, but no one had even told me that I might get severely depressed DURING my pregnancy. I was about 6 months pregnant when it really hit me.  I remember laying in the bath tub sobbing.  I was *convinced* that I was going to be an awful mother to my baby and that she and my husband would be better off without me.  So I resolved that I would give birth, and then after the birth I would drop the baby off to my mother, with the excuse of running errands- and then I would go and kill myself.  Completely bonkers- I know.

Now, once I had the baby, I was still depressed, but was more rational and went to the Dr. and got on some medicaiton and the depression resolved it self after a while.  I look back now and think what a terrifying time that was in my life- to be that delusional.  I also do think that it affected my bonding with my daughter as a baby- but as she is an awesome 10 years old now- I don’t THINK there were any major lasting effects! 

I was super on- guard with my second pregnancy, but I did not experience any of those feelings at all. But I did make my Dr aware of what I had been through with my first pregnancy and I let my family know to keep an extra eye out just in case.  I don’t know what is was that got me into such a spiral, but as a result, I have been very conscious of all pregnant women around me- just in case something seems “off”- mabe I can offer some support. 

Post # 4
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Depression runs in my family. I was at a good place before I got pregnant, but now I just feel it is harder to keep my energy level up. Here’s what has happened this past week:

1. I’m visiting family 6,000 miles away from where I live. I want to get the flu shot before I go home on an airplane, but NO ONE will give me the flu shot because I am a liability, or the first opening they have is in a month after I leave. I called about 6 doctors. I was in tears on the phone by the last call, and just completely emotionally drained. 

2. I asked my husband to call my doctor back home because I’m getting conflicting information on if I should even get the shot, and what type of shot I can get. He didn’t call. I told him to give me the number and I’ll do it myself, and he told me I should also set up the 12 week ultera sound. This was his responsiblity and he has had two weeks to do this. I was just so mad and I felt like he was putting his career above me and the pregnancy. 

3. I was going to the gym regularly before I got pregnant, but since I’ve been on Christmas holiday and now visiting family that has kind of died out. I tried going to a yoga class today, and I was just so exhausted. It was a level 1 class, and I’ve been doing yoga for 10 years but for the life of me could not keep up. I was sad my body couldn’t move like how it used to, and I worry if I can’t exercise I’ll get depressed. 

4. My dad has bipolar disease, and only manages it with meds. It is not something he actively monitors. Anyways, since he found out I was pregnant he wants to visit me when the baby is born. In the past he has had really, really bad manic episodes when he has traveled to visit me. I have to tell him he can’t visit, and I know he is going to throw a fit. It isn’t to punish him, but it is for his health, the well being of my child, and my sanity. 

5. I worry all the time about the health of my baby. I’m scared to move or do anything, and there is just so much conflicting information out there. And everyone has an opinion on everything. There are times it gets too much, and I just want to curl up in a little ball and cry. 

I mean, I’m thrilled to be pregnant. I love my husband and family, and I’m so excited for the next chapter. I know that I’m more emotional than normal though, and I’d be lying if I told you ever moment was pure bliss and that I don’t struggle. 

Post # 5
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@megz06:  I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this with us. My fiance has wanted to be a dad since forever (and he will be an amazing one when the time comes!), and I’ve always been the hesitant one because I keep thinking of how things will change between us and never be the same again, and I’m afraid of being a bad mum, and afraid of feeling and experiencing things and reacting similarly to how you describe in your post, doing or saying things I don’t really mean but can’t take back… All the scary parts. Oh and by the way I’m the pessimistic half of us, if you hadn’t picked that up 😛

It makes me feel a bit better now – that things can go to shit sometimes, but it does happen, and the way I might react to things and feel emotionally is normal, and that if I simply try to look at things differently, it does get better (or at least bearable!).


Post # 6
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@megz06:  I Just want to gobble you up in hugs and well wishes! Pregnancy is rough I should know..I suffered from severe anxiety during and after Pregnancy.

I promise you, things get better!!!  Hang in there it sounds like your husband is a sweetheart:) XO!!

Post # 7
2341 posts
Buzzing bee

@megz06:  i want to thank you for sharing. my guess is that this happens a lot more than what we think. it’s also nice to know that you have come ot peace with it & that there are also options.

I really do love the fact that there are some strong enough bees that have starting making a difference on these boards – i’ve found there to be more open discussion & honesty about ‘real life’. These stories have paved the way for other bees to be comfortable to come forward & share stories & experiences. If it helps just one person, it has been worth it.

So, thank you x

Post # 9
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@megz06:  Just wanted to thank you for sharing your story because I’m certain you are not alone.  Hugs, just big webernet hugs to you. From a safe and respectable distance, of course 🙂

Post # 11
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@megz06:  I read your entire story.  I also have a MIL who is very very controlling and DH is an only child.  She took over my entire wedding, and pretty much turned it into HER wedding.  I am still so resentful over my wedding because of her.  


Your story to me was very eye opening. I am 9 weeks along, and from the begining I have been worried about my in-laws.  They are sweet people, but SO controlling.  When we told them last week, MIL asked why we didn’t tell them sooner and was a bit upset (she didn’t say it but I saw from her face)  that I told my parents first (I am very close with my mother).  I am also worried once baby comes how controlling they will be.  For instance, she already brought up sending baby to private school (they would pay), but DH and I have already decided that unless private school is necessary our kids are going to public school.  I can just imagine this argument in my head right now- something that is at least 5 years away.

It really does not help we live 1.5 miles from his parents (my parents live 900 miles away).  We try to limit seeing them, but it is hard.  I know they have the best intentions and I am the one who is going to need to set boundaries and limits with them and my child.  After a lot of therapy during the time we were engaged, I have learned to let a lot of stuff go, just like you said.

Post # 12
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@megz06:  your post is so incredibly brave and real. Thank you for sharing! I’m in the TTC process currently, so it’s helpful to know that these things could happen and to keep an eye open in case they do.

I’m fortunate that my ILs aren’t as extreme as your MIL, but they have boundary issues that DH and I have worked on together for years. Thankfully, he has been very understanding and flexible and we have found something that works for us. I am so glad to hear that your husband is firmly on your team and that you two are approaching all of these challenges together! Best of luck.

Post # 13
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Girl…thank you for writing this! As you know I have many-a-threads about my anxiety/panic disorder pre-pregnancy and during.  When I get home from work, I plan on writing something more elaborate.

I hope this thread can raise awareness to those who may have no idea and just say “oh relax” “stop worrying”.


Post # 14
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@megz06: Can I just say thank you so much for writing your story and having the courage to put it out there. I’m not pregnant but I hope to be in the future and it really opened my eyes to the many different emotions we go through. I have a very controlling future MIL and it really really bothers me. I haven’t let it get to me as much now, but shes the type of mother that puts his clothes away for him, irons his clothes, makes him whatever he wants, tells him what to think and feel. Thank God my FI doesn’t let her do any of these things anymore but now that Ive been in the picture for almost 4 years now, its hard for her to step back and let me have my role. When I started wedding planning, she was telling me all about what SHE wanted and could care less about my views, and would just say “oh ya thats pretty” I did NOT take her dress shopping because I knew for a fact (shes from poland and is very outspoken)  that she would tell me SHE doesn’t like that “why don’t you wear what I wore” etc etc. I have talked to my FI about this and he understands me(THANK GOD!) and I realize that shes from another country and came here no family no anything to start a life here in America and I think thats where it stems from her being so “clingy” to her children. I just have to step back as well and understand she as well may be having a internal struggle with having her kids grow up. But she needs to let go and know that its okay. Your story has opened by eyes alot and I again want to thank you **HUGS*** I wish you nothing but love and happiness with you and your future bundle of joy.  I think we all have that mother instict in us and all in all, I think you just were protecting your child from the toxic person that is your MIL. We all sometimes go through shit creek but its one hell of a view once you reach the top and overcome everything 🙂


Post # 15
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@megz06:   I’m so glad you shared your story because I feel it’s tremendously important that we are honest about anxiety/depression during pregnancy. My anxiety was horrific during the first 12 weeks and has calmed down the past couple but I’m prepared that it may indeed increase again as the pregnancy goes on. I was terribly anxious during my engagement and I know big transitions are hard for me. Thank you for being so brave and sharing x x 

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