Post # 1
I got married to my amazing and lovely SO in August and had the best day. Since then, we have fallen back into our routine of a job I dislike but which pays well, a flat which I bought before we met which is way too small for 2 people, and SO working away for long periods meaning I spend up to 2 months by myself.
We have decided that this is not the life we want for us and our future children and have been discussing for most of our relationship, where we’re going to move to and what we will do. For info, our families live on opposite sitdes of the world and we live in a different country from all of them at the moment.
The issue is where to live – we pretty much decided that we would live near my family as SO is away so much and it would be great to have their support. I’m also closer to my family than SO is to his and his parents are divorced so it’s kind of awkward when we go stay. Before we go there, we’re going to have some “us” time and go travelling, with time spent near to his family.
I’m very excited about this and our new life, but scared too. I’ve spent my whole adult life here, putting down roots, making friends, buying my flat and the idea of ripping all that up and starting again terrifies me, for reasons I can’t really explain. My parents have lived in the same house since before I was born so I’m not used to moving and change. I can’t imagine a life where I move house every couple of years or so, which is likely to happen with SO’s job.
I knew when we got together that it wouldn’t be easy, that our families would never be in the same place etc (except on our beautiful wedding day) and I guess I’m just looking for some reassurance, some advice from bees who’ve been in similar situations. Thank you. x
Post # 3
You picked up and moved to a new country with no family around–sounds like you’re a person totally capable of handling a little stress and transition!!!
I am about to move across the country to be back near family, start a new job, etc. It is definitely stressful–but the stress is mostly around the logistics of the move itself. Once you arrive you’ll have family around to help you settle into a new routine and with some of the logistics. If you can afford it, outsource the most stressful aspects of big life changes (hire professional movers, hire a good realtor, etc). Make lots of lists and decide approximate times to get each thing done so that you don’t feel overwhelmed. Moving within the country is easier, and you’ll get very good at the process if you have to do it a lot. Look to websites that have info for military families making multiple moves for a lot of really great emotional and practical support and ideas (it won’t be exactly the same, but it can help you see that lots of people are making it work somehow.
And breathe! You’ll be so happy to start that new chapter!!
Post # 4
@LaPetiote: I understand where you are coming from in many ways. I am from the states, my husband is from Ireland and we currently live in canada.
However, we have no friends, family or roots in canada – which sounds very different from your situation because you have made your “home away from home” into a true home by now.
Do you want to be closer to your family – or are the friends you have built up in your new place enough support when your husband is gone? Do you have to move back there or is it possible to stay where you are and buy a new house and settle there? I’m just wondering if your family is pressuring you to come back.
I know for me, we are desperate to move back where we have friends and family and have ultimately agreed to live in the states because there is more opportunites there for both of us and I am much closer to my family than he is to his family.
Post # 5
@bearlove: Thanks for your vote of confidence! And good luck with your move and new job. Hope everything goes well.
@HappinessIsInDaisies: We actually live in Paris but this was my life choice and I’ve been here 10 years. My husband moved here 3 years ago to be with me but hates it. We can’t afford to buy a place as big as we would like, certainly not a house, so we decided together that it would be best to leave. Our families would both like us to be closer but would never pressure us. I would love to be closer to my family and uni/school friends but have no particular desire to return to the UK for anything other than that. We’re so lucky in that we can live wherever we want in the world and he will still have a job, but sometimes too much choice is not a good thing!
Post # 6
@LaPetiote: Well it sounds like you guys have made a decision that you both know will be the best in the end. its just about taking the actual steps now. Any change is always scary. I think its completely normal to be scared of such a big change – especially if you have been living in paris for 10 years now.
But if you know what you’re doing is best for you both – then ultimately it will make you happy! Its just getting through the yucky part of moving (never a fun process) and the unsettling aspects of change. Once you feel surrounded by your family and have no roots put down, smaller moves wont seem as scary. Plus, the more you do it, the more you realize what you can handle and the better you get at navigating such things.
Post # 7
It’s way harder moving away from family than it is to move back near them!
So that’s the good news!
The bad news is that selling your house to move occasionally feels like losing a small part of your soul. But only until you guys can buy your fancy house! And fill it with babies!
Post # 8
@HappinessIsInDaisies: Yeah, I’m trying to sell my flat and will be leaving my job at Christmas and I have to do it alone as SO is working away. It’s just been a tough week. As you say, it’s good that our decision is made and we’re taking steps to our new and better life.
How did you guys end up in Canada?
Post # 9
@LaPetiote: Ugh, there is nothing worse than having to do that stuff when your SO isn’t there. My husband travels a lot too. I hate that. Right after i moved up, he litteraly was gone during the week every week for a month. It was miserable. 🙁
He got a great job up here with really good pay, so we couldnt really refuse. Even though its not really a job he enjoys and I still havent been able to get work. Hence why we are hoping this is a short term move and not a forever one.
Post # 10
You literally describd mine and my husband’s exact situation to a tee: we spent our adult lives building our careers in a city that was away from our famlies, and with me in a job I hated. The city we were in had a ridiculous cost of living, horrible commutes, and we knew if we stayed a lot of our plans (buying a house, having kids) would be pushed back way further than we wanted them to.
We ended up moving back to where our families are about a year after we got married, and it was literally the best decision we could have made. Our lives here have way less stress, we have more time for family, friends, hobbies, and each other. We’re starting to look at houses in the new year, and will probably start TTC then too.
The biggest advice I can give you is to let life happen. Change can be a great thing, and you two are a team. Embrace the changes, because they’re what makes life interesting. 🙂