Post # 1
Okay, so here is my issue (I’m sorry if it’s long)
I am waiting for a proposal from my FH. We have both talked about it in passing, normal conversations. Just general stuff like where we want to get married and how, since I don’t want a Catholic wedding that he wouldn’t need to get his previous marriage annulled, and similar stuff. Everything was all hunky-dory.
Roll back to about a month ago and we had gotten into a ridiculous tiff and being as I was PMSing, somehow “when are you going to marry me?” came falling out of my mouth. (Long story in itself) So during this tiff, we discussed marriage at length and quickly came to the conclusion that we both actually had the same timeline in mind. Engaged this summer and married next spring. But I feel as if now that we had a ‘discussion’ about marriage that started off with a negative feel, but ended up okay, I DON’T want to bring it up again. In my mind we have a timeline, and all is right with the world.
Now… I am still daydreaming/Net-window-shopping for my dress and ring. I love doing that! While researching rings I have really decided that I would rather go for a CZ or Moissanite, or other stone, instead of a diamond. (Just because I really would rather put that money towards a dream trip to Vietnam we both want).
How do I bring up that I would prefer to save us thousands, and maybe slip in the type of ring I prefer, as I would hate him to spend even a few hundred on a type of ring that I don’t want to wear. I’m scared to bring it up as I don’t want to pester him or seem demanding.
Do you think I could ‘pull off’ maybe slipping him a picture of the style of ring I love, with the link to a Moissanite site written on the bottom and just casually mention that I’d prefer him not going bananas, price wise, just as an FYI for when the day comes that he wants to ring shop?
What would you do?
Post # 3
There is nothing wrong with telling him that you don’t want him to spend lots of money on your ring. He might even be relieved to hear that.
I told my BF that I don’t want an expensive ring either. About 5 months ago we agreed on a price range, and after that I sent him an email with some pictures of rings I like within that price range. Maybe you can do something like that, just tell him that it’s for future reference and you don’t expect him to go ring shopping immediately 😉
Post # 4
I think first, you should bring up price range (and point out why: the trip, savings, etc). Then I think introducing him to alternative stones online, as I don’t think guys in general KNOW of the other options to diamonds (look how pretty, and how much less expensive!).
I don’t feel like it should be awkward or “bad” for you to bring it up. Your opinion matters in this, especially when it may be different from what he’s expecting. Just approach it the way you’d approach a house, a car, other things. Price range, options, preferences. 🙂
Post # 5
Under ‘pre-tiff’ circumstances, I completely agree with you guys and it would have been so easy.
I am just scared to come across as a nag now.
We are having our Valentine’s Day celebration this Saturday. Do you think maybe, glass of wine in hand, sitting in the hot tub, brought up casually then would be a good time? Not too pushy?
I just really don’t want to come accoss as desperate
Post # 6
I resent that men who want to marry their girlfriends are seen as romantic, while women who want to marry their boyfriends are seen as ‘desperate’.
I’d say bring it up some other time, quite casually, like during a weekday while you’re having dinner.
Post # 7
I agree with you on the double standard but it is out there. Along with the sleeping around one, and all the others that I don’t think will ever, truly die.
And all this waiting stuff. I mean really, I could ask him but we’ve talked about that jokingly and he told me he would really hate it.
So you think my romantic buffer with the topic isn’t good. Lol. (the wine was for my courage! )
Post # 8
Haha I can see that wine might be good for the courage. However, I’d still say do it some other time and bring it up in casual conversation. See his reaction to it and take it from there.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t do it on your Valentine’s dinner night. I think he’ll expect it, and would be happily surprised to NOT talk about it. haha.
I agree with a PP; do it on a random week day when you’re both in fairly good moods. 🙂 You can have wine then too. 😉
Post # 10
I have to agree with BellsforHer. I think bringing it up at a romantic time might completely ruin it (and the romance!). If you talked about it a month ago, you could always wait until mid-March and then casually bring it up.
Post # 11
Hmm, I’m hearing you guys.
This brought up in a romantic setting would probably make it bigger than I want it to seem, not less.
Waiting until March is a great idea too. I really doubt he is going to go and propose between now and then 🙂 or should that be 🙁
Post # 12
This topic came up sort of on it’s own while we were doing some cleaning up around the house before leaving for our romantic night away.
Somehow Diamonds came up and I slipped in…”speaking of Diamonds…” I brought up Moissanite and he said he had been looking at Moissy on the way home from the US at the Duty Free! lol
So after letting him know why I was thinking going Moissy or Asha was a good route, I asked him if I could send him an email with a few pictures and links and he said yes.
I just fired off a carefully composed email with my basic wishes (Metal, stone cut, etc) and sent pictures and links to 1 moissanite that is PERFECT (its the Fleur De Lis along the side which is has significance to his heritage and his Army regiment) and 4 Ashas that are also amazing. So 5 in total so I wouldn’t overwhelm him.
Done. Done and DONE! 🙂
Post # 13
When I want Fi to know what I like, I leave it open on my computer, BIG on my monitor and walk away. Sometimes if I REALLY want him to know, I will ask him to check something for me on my laptop. Or I will say something on a mutual friends wall on FB. It isn’t you telling him, it is him “figuring it out”. I’m just subtle like that. But why not say something like “Oh I was reading about the Royal wedding and her ring costs *blah*, I think that is INSANE! I would much rather have a blah blah blah ring, it’s only like blah blah amount.” That way it isn’t like you are telling him telling him, it’s in conversation.
Post # 14
There is nothing wrong with bringing it up.. You should be able to talk to him about whatever.
Post # 15
I was in your same position. We’d had a discussion prompted by a “tiff” and, consequently, we established a timeline. THEN I started thinking about the ring….So, what I ended up doing was leaving him a picture of my dream ring with a cute message attached to it and details of what I liked (white gold, sidestones not too big, don’t spend too much, size 6 finger, I love you).
the ring I loved was a threestone. My bf always jokes that he would love a threesome (which is NEVER happening) so, on the picture of the three stone ring I wrote, “Look baby, this is my type of threesome.” It was a personal joke. When he found the piece of paper he thought it was hysterical. He actually said, “I want to get this framed and keep it forever.” He also told me what a relief it was to have SUCH detailed instructions re: what I wanted. This makes sense, since he has a difficult time even picking out a shirt at Kohls. LOL
So, my advice is to leave a little “hint” around. Just make sure it is fairly detailed and gives plenty of guidance. That way, you get your dream ring and communicate what you want without killing the romance.
EDIT: I just saw your update. I need to learn to read the whole thread before I respond.