Post # 1
My emotions have been all over the place the last few weeks and I don’t know why. By the time the wedding rolls around we will have had a 17 month engagement, but only recently has the wedding actually felt real to me. We started collecting addresses and putting our save the dates together, and that is when I started to panic.
I don’t really know what I am afraid of. When we get married we will have been together for almost 5 years, and lived together for 4. Of course I want to marry the love of my life, even though most days I hate actually planning a wedding (mostly due to my insecurities coupled with major family drama). I guess I am scared that things will change between my Fi and I. Our relationship has always been fairly easy, and people keep telling me that marriage is hard work, etc. I mean, of course we have been through difficult things together-unemployment, buying a home, family death, financial trouble. But we always made it through together and I am scared that things will suddenly become more difficult when we’re married.
I have no idea why I am having these thoughts or fears. Is this normal? For the longest time the wedding seemed so far away. Now all the sudden it’s 2012 and the wedding is this year and I’m freaking out. What is wrong with me??
Post # 3
I’m not married but I would say nothing is wrong with you. It doesn’t matter how long you have been with or lived with someone marriage is a huge step. I think it would be natural to get nervous as the wedding gets closer and becomes more real. I have no other real advice though since I don’t have any marriage experience. Just what I have noticed.
Post # 4
I will say there is nothing wrong with you either. But…I do have to say that your relationship doesn’t change just b/c there’s now a piece of paper. The way I look at everything, marriage makes my Darling Husband and I a team. It’s us against everything else. No matter what else is happening in my life, I can count on Darling Husband to be my rock, and vice versa.
You said yourself that you and your Fiance have been through a lot. Unemployment, buying a home, family death, finanical trouble…and those are all the things married couples face together, and get through together. So you’ve already gotten a head start with your life experiences. Having that piece of paper certainly doesn’t change any of that.
I’ve found that in my 4 1/2 years of marriage, my husband and I have only grown closer, and our love for each other has only grown deeper. I have a feeling that the same will happen for you.
Post # 5
Nothing is wrong with you and nothing will change with marriage. you two sound like you have been through a lot already and if you made it through that together then your marriage can only be better because of it. Marriage IS work but not always hard 🙂
Post # 6
Thanks ladies 🙂 I was scared to talk to anyone in “real life” about this because I don’t want people to think I have cold feet. I guess it’s just that the wedding always seemed like a far away fantasy, even after we got engaged. It’s something we have both dreamed of for so long, but it was a dream. I feel like the ball dropped on new years eve and it became 2012 and all the sudden everything hit me and the wedding was seriously happening. Now its creeping up and I’m like “Oh my God…this is really happening?”, and then the panic sets in.
Post # 7
I know it seems scary, but I think it’s pretty normal even for people who have together for a long time. Especially with drama. I didn’t get scared until just a few weeks before the wedding. We had dealt with family drama from the day we got engaged, but all of a sudden it just reallt hit me how tired of it I was, and I couldn’t help but wonder if getting married meant that we would have to deal with that for the rest of our lives. But just spending a weekend with my then-FI, during which we made a deal to not talk about our families or the wedding, did wonders for me. It reminded me of why I was marrying him, and renewed my strength to deal with any problems. Maybe you guys just need to take time off from planning from time to time- it’s incredibly refreshing. Good luck!
Post # 8
I got scared a lot before the wedding and would lay awake at night like “oh my God, my whole life just changed, ahhh!!”
But really nothing was that different. Changes between you WILL happen slowly over time, the newness will fade, you’ll grow deeper in love, grow apart at times, your priorities will change etc. But those don’t have to be bad things. It would be kind of boring if everything was 100% the same every day for your whole marriage. I honestly don’t get why people say that to newlyweds, maybe just to assert their “veteran married” status? My mother always tells me marriage is usually good, sometime’s you’re close, sometimes you’re not that close, but you always work through it and love each other even more. You guys have already worked through tough things together so my guess is you’ll be fine when things get hard.
Post # 8
I am about 6 months out from my wedding.my Fiance and I have been together for almost 4 years and we have been through a lot of difficult times. No matter what though we always had eachother and I could not wait to marry him. Until we went to get my wedding band. That moment for me was the “this is real and now I’m terrified, what if this is a mistake” moment. I have issues with anxiety and am always worried about making the wrong decision, failing, or letting people down. And that is coming over into my relationship. This is a big life change and at times the anxiety gets so bad all I can think is I don’t want to do this. Which in turn makes me depressed because I could not imagine a life without my Fiance. This thread has helped me realize that everyone has nervousness, and I know due to my anxiety issues is probably why mine spiral out so bad, but does anyone have any advise on how I can handle this? I just want to be happy and excited about getting married to my perfect guy. And this is stopping that from happening.