Post # 1
I am 30. I have always been very scared of pregnany.
I watched my mother almost die in labor with my siblings (I was 12 at the time) The lady in the next room had a baby, drug free, and I remember hearing the screams echo down the halls. I was tramatized.
I also have anxiety/panic problems and have a fear of not being in control – I can’t fly, have trouble over bridges, etc. I take xanax as needed, but very rarely.
My husband asked me today if I’m ready to TTC. He is.
My problem is, while I want to have kids, I’m VERY scared of pregnancy. The thought of “no turning back now” … “not being able to change mind” “fear of kicking and not having control ove that” . Also the idea of labor, pain, and complications, scares the hell out of me.
I guess my question is. In all honestly, how was your pregnany/labor? HONESTLY.
PS. Anyone with anxiety issues would be greatly apprecated–
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@RedRose1979: Remind yourself pregnancy, labor, and delivery are all natural processes that occur everyday all over the world and have been for thousands of years. It’s very normal to be scared; pretty much every mom I have ever talked to was scared at some point during their pregnancy and during labor/delivery. You are totally out of control of the situation which is the worst for people with anxiety (hi, me too!)
It sounds like your fear is especially acute due to a really bad experience at a young age with labor and delivery. Have you ever watched The Business of Being Born? It includes some natural births which are actually very beautiful rather than scary like many birth videos. Being prepared for labor and delivery will help in reducing your fear. Even if you want to get an epi it’s a good idea to watch prepared natural births because many of the moms do not scream and thrash around because they have practiced calming techniques like controlled breathing.
Post # 5
Though I haven’t yet had my child, I can relate to your feelings. Honestly, I never was that woman to gush over babies, just isn’t my thing. I didn’t even babysit when I was younger for extra cash. I was pretty sure I’d never have children… until I met my husband. He changed that for me, and my perspective broadened and changed.
However… I didn’t know that I would get pregnant on my honeymoon! I now find myself pregnant, newlywed and there’s no going back. I too am also 30 – it’s not really the kind of thing you grow out of – and I’m a little anxious, to say the least. It’s kind of my default setting.
I guess the only advice I can contribute is that even though I have no clue what to expect and I still feel overwhelmed, I am absolutely thrilled that I’m bringing our child into the world with my husband. He’s a good man who will be a great father… and I think about that every time I have a nagging thought about how much life will change or how much it will hurt or what it might do to my body. The good will definitely outweigh any of the things that could be considered “bad” and I’m using that as my mantra any time that I feel anxious about it.
I’m sure that there are many women out there who have felt apprehensive about the prospect of motherhood and the physical act of having a baby – it’s a big change! You’re not alone – and I’m sure your desire to be a mother one day will ultimately outweigh your anxiety about the other parts of it. 🙂
Post # 6
@RedRose1979: I don’t have any real advice that comes from experience, I just wanted to tell you that you’re not alone. I too am so nervous about the whole baby thing. The thought of labour honestly scares the hell out of me but it’s nothing compared to the idea of being a mother. I have watched my brother’s kids countless times and know my way around nappies, bottles, cartoons, toys and explaining how things work but what really scares me is that while I love my nieces and nephew to death I’m always relieved to give them back to their parents. I’m terrified I’ll feel like that when I have a child of my own and no way to give him or her “back” to anyone. On top of it being scary, it also makes me feel like a terrible person.
What’s funny is that I really love kids and they seem to love me back – my friends always comment on how great I am with their kids. I know it’s supposed to make me feel better but it actually contributes to the “terrible person” feeling.
I once told my mother I was afraid I had no maternal instinct and she just laughed. She told me it will appear once the hormones kick in. After the hormones are done kicking, she told me the love a woman feels for her child is something one cannot possibly imagine without having actually experienced it. It’s what does the scary work for you. So now, as freaked out as I am, I have just decided to trust my mother. She’s wise like that 🙂
I hope this helped, if only just a little!