Post # 1
To start off with I’m one of those people who will try to make everyone else happy first then think of myself(go along with their plans, buy whoever what they want/give them money, etc). Now that I’m going to be getting married I have an idea of what I want everything to look like with my bridemaids, but I don’t really want to voice them or say that much and really letting them choose whatever they like for dresses/hair/makeup. My bridemaids are my oldest sister, two friends I have had since elementary/middle school, one of my FSIL and my one niece.
Should I just let them pick everything and just give them the basic for the dress which I would like it to be red and long and let them choose everything else?
Any other brides have this fear?
Post # 3
@rmrsln2010: I can totally relate! 🙂 I will be having 5 BMs, and what I have done, is I chose a collection of dresses (all same material) from Alfred Angelo, and told them to choose whichever dress they wanted in that collection. It has to be the color I chose, but they get to pick something they’re comfortable in. As for hair and make-up, I am going to let them do their own make-up. I will probably be paying for their hair as part of their wedding party gift, but they’ll be able to choose the style they like. I trust all of their judgment in that.
Don’t worry about seeming like a bridezilla. I’ve not had to jump on anyone’s back yet, but we’re to the 5 month mark, and dresses need to be ordered PDQ. LOL! They’ll know your stressed and hopefully if you come off a bit snappy, forgive you as long as it’s not an everyday occurance.
Best of luck on your planning!!! 🙂
Post # 4
I have 2 bridesmaids and yet they’re both wearing completely different dresses (different brand, style and colour but the same colour family) … because they’re poles apart in everything and one just had a baby. Plus my sister (who got her dress first) just went ahead and bought her dress online and the other BM didn’t like it.
So I pretty much didn’t have a lot of say in the whole thing but I chose not to stress over it because when it’s all said and done it really doesn’t matter that much. I still haven’t seen both dresses together. I just hope it looks ‘OK’ and not absolutely ridiculous. But even if it does look a bit odd, it’s not of my doing!!
Post # 5
Here are some rules for you to follow:
If you want a certain dress, certain hair and certain makeup – then you foot the bill.
BUT if you are happy to give them options, say – pick between these 5 dresses all in X colour. Then they pay for it and you have given them freedom enough.
If they call you a bridezilla for either of these options then they are unreasonable, this is very, very common. Get rid of them as a bridesmaid if this starts, it’s not worth the stress.
Post # 6
It’s not being a bridezilla to choose a bridesmaids dress. If you want them to all wear the same dress that is fine as long as it looks good on everyones figure (I always feel bad on Say Yes to the Dress Bridesmaids when the brides favourite dress is unflattering on one girl, and they tell her to shut it and do what the bride says)
If you like the mismatched look you could say “pick any dress from X designer and in Y colour and Z fabric” or you could give them total and just say a long red dress from anywhere.
As for hair and makeup, I would let the girls have a say in what looks best with their features whether they have it done professionally or do it themselves.
Post # 7
@rmrsln2010: I told my girls blue and full-length, but I would have been comfortable with saying “Please get dress X”
But I let them pick how they wanted their hair/make up/accessories/shoes!
Post # 8
I think picking out their dresses is perfectly fine. Thats usually what people do! As long as they are reasonanly priced, I think it’s totally fine. Plus, a lot of girls have to search for a long time in order to find a dress. For me, that can sometimes be the most stressful part! If you just tell them what they’re wearing, it’s one less thing for them to think about.
I do not agree with choosing what hair and makeup. If they are paying for it on their own, let them choose. My friend just got married and all of her BMs had the same hairstyle. It was cute, but I thought it would have looked better if there was a little more variety (some up, some down, etc.)
Post # 9
Also, let them pick their own shoes! Everyone’s feet are different and they will be miserable all day if the shoes they are wearing are uncomftorable. I think it’s acceptable to say wear X color shoes, but no one will notice anything beyond that.
Post # 10
@rmrsln2010: I’m a little worried as well (aren’t we sweet :P), but I’ve decided to just go with choosing my bridesmaids dresses and letting them choose their own hair & makeup & accessories. I think I’ll be letting them choose their own shoes as well, as long as they are in the colour group I’d like (nude/beige/neutral). I think it’s better not to have the “cloned” look, as in exactly the same dress, hair, shoes and accessories, as these are “my girls” and they each are their own kind of gorgeous – not something I want suppressed in any way.
I think it’s fine if you choose their dresses, but of course keep in mind that they (generally) will be paying for them (or part of them), so you want to choose something flattering for their body type/complexion etc that they will want to wear again. This is what I’m worried about the most.
I’m actually going with long infinity dresses and will also offer to pay to have them cut afterward if they want (to a more wearable length – knee length etc).
Post # 11
In the USA and Canada it is commonplace for the bride (hopefully in come consultation with the BM’s – at least as far as the budget and a flattering style) to pick the color and style of the dress.
Many brides choose the color,length, style and fabric.
If you want to give them some freedom to pick a flattering style, you can choose the color, fabric, even designer, and let them choose the style. This ensures some consistency if that’s the look you want. Otherwise, there are dozens of shades of red and they all look different made in different fabrics.
If you are even more flexible, you can give them paint swatches of your chosen color and tell them to buy any dress in the length you want.
Again, in the USA and Canada, it is commonplace in all of the above options, for the BM’s to pay for their own dress.Those brides who can afford to purchase the dresses can certainly do so.
Post # 12
@rmrsln2010: I think it would be a fair compromise to talk to the wedding party, and come up with a list of criteria for their look, without going into bridezilla mode.
For instance, maybe consider giving them swatches of the color you want them to wear, and suggest it be a long (or short) dress, or offering from a selection of dresses you’ve picked beforehand, so there is at least some uniformity going on. I do know that some members of the bridal party may not be the same size as others, and want to cover up more/less than their fellow bridesmaids.
Let them do their own hair to reflect their personal style, and possibly buying them all matching shoes or something to bring it all together.
Post # 13
Well, I kind of think of it like putting on a play. When they agreed to be your bridesmaid, they agreed to play a role in your wedding. That includes dressing the part, and whether X is their favorite color or Y is their favorite style of dress, ultimately it’s not their day and they should go along with the requests of the bride (within reason, of course).
I think it would be fair enough to tell them your vision for the bridesmaids, and give them some guidelines to go on at the least. It’s not uncommon for brides to go as far as picking the actual dress (which you can still have everyone collaborate on), but you could simply give people guidelines on the dress.
@ksus07: I love seeing infinity dress bridesmaids! You can pick what style flatters you. If I had bridesmaids, I would have done this.
Post # 14
@AmandaJK: Thats an awesome idea, why didn’t I think of that lol.
@Everdeen: I plan on pay for their hair/makeup as part of their gift(my aunt has a salon and is doing all my girls hair/makeup at a really good discount and mine for free as a gift(YAY!))
@pixiecat: I agree about feeling sorry for some of those girls on there. I have two girls who are a little over 5′ but both very small, another is a bit taller but is more define, another two who are about 5’6″ but on the bigger end(not calling them fat or anything, I’m also big too), and one who is close to 6′ and really slim.
Thank you everyone for all the advice its truly amazing, and part of the reason I really love the bees 🙂
Post # 15
@firefliesinthesky: Thanks, and I love how you compared it to a play because our theme is Phantom of the Opera 🙂
Post # 16
- Wedding: July 2012 - Catholic Church
@rmrsln2010: I can totally relate. I ended up telling them what dresses I wanted and giving a shoe colour and letting them do whatever they wanted for the rest. SILs complained that they didn’t get to wear mismatched dresses, but that’s ok because it’s perfectly alright to have them wear the same dress or dresses in a certain designer’s line as brides have been doing for multiple decades.